


Holding On For Tonight

by Phoenixx



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Blood, Blood and Gore, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Cussing, F/M, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Injury, Kissing, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Self Confidence Issues, Slow Build, Smut, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-05-10 20:01:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 70,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5599027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenixx/pseuds/Phoenixx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natalie had everything she could want: an amazing husband, a beautiful son, and was living her childhood dream. So when she emerged into the sunlight from Vault 111, she never thought she would have anything of her old life back. This world is new and harsh, breaking every belief and truth she held.</p><p>Then she met him.</p><p>Rated E for later chapters.</p><p>(If you're here for smut, go to chapter 13 and chapter 15.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first time posting anything publicly. This first chapter is simply a prologue, and sets up her relationship with Nate and some background info. This is about my Sole Survivor, Natalie Meadows. The first couple chapters will be posted quick since I've had them saved for a while, after that I am to post at least once a week on the weekends.

She put on a dress that she rarely wears anymore -- a long, silky purple and silver gown and silver heels to match. She nearly broke a manicured nail putting on a silver necklace to match (why did they have to make the clasps _so_ hard to open?). Natalie delicately smoothed her dress under her hands, taking a deep breath. Her nerves were running high. She and Nate were going to dinner tonight with a fellow attorney and her wife. She might even be offered a position as an associate attorney at the firm if this went well. She definitely wanted the job, since she doesn’t like the stress of her current job at the current firm she’s working at. The nights are getting too late. She needed to dress to impress.

She stood in the bedroom for a while, taking deep breaths. She graduated _magna cumme laude_ from the most prestigious law school in the state, a dream she’s had since she was a little girl. She remembers fondly how Nate, back in high school, always told her that she’d be a “kickass” attorney, even when she didn't believe in herself. She promised him that once he got back from war, he would marry a successful lawyer. It was a couple years late, but she wanted to keep her promise to the man who supported her through it all. She rubbed her elbows fervently in a failed attempt to calm her nerves, and walked to the bathroom to do something about her now-dried hair.

Natalie brushed her fingers through her auburn hair. She really needs to get to the salon, but between being a new mom and attending depositions and facilitations for her current firm, her hair was last on her list. She closed her eyes briefly and removed her glasses as she attempted to untangle a knot with her fingers. _Wonderful_ , she thought bitterly.

She felt the warm, strong embrace of arms around her waist. Nate’s breath was suddenly hot in her ear. “Hey babe,” he mumbled gruffly and brushed a kiss on her smooth cheek. His mustache and beard made her shiver.

“Mr. Meadows,” she teased, grasping his arms with her hands and smiling. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Nate spun her around to look at her. His hair was long and past his shoulders, and was a light ash brown. It tickled her when they slept. Her hazel eyes met his clear blue eyes. She had to squint to focus. “Miss Meadows,” he teased back, flashing his teeth, “I believe a kiss is in order.” He gripped her tighter, kissing her jaw before slowly, _slowly_ , trailing to her neck.

Natalie closed her eyes, her lips slightly parted. “And… and why do you feel a kiss is in order?” she breathed, her cheeks flushing.

He paused momentarily to gently bite where her neck met her collarbone, which made Natalie gasp. He pulled up and kissed her on the forehead, before whispering in her ear. “Because while you were fluffing your hair in the mirror, I changed Shaun’s diaper.”

“Oh, you!” Natalie giggled, pushing away from his grasp, and Nate laughed. “And here I thought you were being romantic.”

“Babe, babe,” he hummed, running his hands through her hair. He stopped when he found the knot she was trying to untangle earlier. “Ah. I have found the enemy that appears to be preventing us from actually leaving relatively on time.”

“Don’t even go there,” she warned, smiling. She turned around, once again facing the mirror and put her glasses back on.

Nate stood behind her with his arms crossed, watching her as she methodically tried to remove the knot from her hair without saying a word. When it was finally removed, Natalie gave a victory smile to her reflection. Nate chuckled. “That’s my Nat,” he smiled warmly. 

Natalie turned to face him after putting her brush away. “Are you ready to go to meet the Gastillons?”

“I’ve been ready,” he teased. “I’ve been waiting for you, slowpoke.”

Natalie walked past him, shutting the light off in the bathroom as she did. He smelled the vague scent of freesia and vanilla. “Brains before brawn,” she said coolly.

They stepped into the hallway, the _click click_ of her heels against the tiled floor. In the kitchen, Codsworth was busying himself warming a bottle for Shaun for once he awoke.

“Ah, mum,” the robot said gleefully. “I do hope you and Master Meadows will enjoy yourselves tonight. It’s been far too long since you’ve been out.”

“Thank you Codsworth,” Nate said, grabbing Natalie’s coat from the closet in the hallway. He slipped it over her bare shoulders, and bent down to kiss her hair before putting his own heavy coat on himself. He was wearing khaki pants, boots, and a nice button down shirt. “We won’t be home too late.”

Natalie went back into the small bedroom. Bundled up, sleeping, was little Shaun. He looked like a little prince, and Natalie’s heart fluttered as she pressed a soft kiss on his forehead. Shaun took a deep breath, but didn’t wake up. She smiled at her son, her perfection in his world. It wasn’t too long before she felt Nate’s hand on her shoulder. 

“He’s perfect,” Natalie cooed softly, rubbing his hand that was on her shoulder.

“Yeah, he is,” Nate grinned, looking at his son with love. “He has a beautiful, intelligent mother.”

“And a brave, courageous father,” Natalie added.

“Let’s let him sleep hon,” Nate said, leading Natalie out of the dark room. They made their way back to the living room, with Natalie grabbing her bag from the kitchen chair on the way. Codsworth opened the front door for them.

“You two be safe and have fun,” Codsworth beamed. If he had a face, he’d be grinning, no doubt. “I will take the best of care of young Shaun.”

“Thank you Codsworth,” Natalie smiled. The robot had become like family. She expressed reservations originally when Nate suggested a Mr. Handy, but she admits that her original feelings were incorrect. Now, she couldn’t imagine a day without Codsworth.

As Nate held open the car door for her and she sat inside, she couldn’t help but think how wonderful and blessed she truly was. If this was a dream, she never wanted it to end.


	2. October 23, 2077

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie's world crumbles in her hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is super long, but I didn't want to break it down into two chapters because it's all happening the same day. Hope you guys like it!

“Natalie. Natalie.” Nate gently shook her awake. Natalie peeked open one eye. Too bright. She shut it in an instant.

“Mmmmmm,” she groaned, flipping on her right side. She heard the scuffle of footsteps as Nate now approached her on the other side of the bed. She yanked the blankets up to her nose.

“Wake up sleepyhead,” he teased gently, pulling the blankets down to her waist.

“What do you want so early in the morning?” she yawned, blinking at him. Not that she can actually see him without her glasses. “You know I wanted to sleep in this morning. Or did you forget Veteran’s Hall tonight?”

“Hey hey, retract the claws,” he smiled, leaning down to briskly kiss her on the lips. “I was wondering if you could please run to the store and get laundry detergent.”

“Are your legs broken?” she quipped.

Nate cocked his head to one side and smiled. “You’re so pleasant in the morning.”

Natalie rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand and sat up in bed. She looked behind her at the clock in the cubby in her headboard. The bright green lights harshly etched “9:03” in her eyes.

“We, uh, ran out,” Nate said.

“We just ran out?”

“Yes.”

“Just like that?”

“Yes,” Nate smiled.

“Who did the laundry last?”

“I did.”

“And from the time you did laundry last until today, you couldn’t replace what you so obviously used?” Natalie laid back down in bed, fiddling with her wedding ring. She never took it off.

“Now don’t get all lawyer on me,” he snorted. Natalie smiled. 

“I’ll go after I’ve had my coffee,” she said, stretching. 

Nate watched her for a moment, then got onto the foot of the bed on his hands and knees and made his way up. He stopped when he was fully over her, his hands on either side of her head. His long hair tickled her lips, and she couldn’t help but blush. Even after all these years, all he had to do was look at her a certain way and she melted to his touch.

She was so _in love_. 

“You are so beautiful in the morning,” he murmured, leaning down to kiss her exposed collarbone. Her hands -- like second nature -- went to his back as he trailed hot kisses from her collarbone to up her neck. He stopped when he got to her ear. When his teeth grazed against her earlobe, he was met with a soft moan.

“ _Nate,_ ” she moaned, trailing her hands down his back. She slipped them under his grey shirt before trailing them ever so lightly up his abdomen, yanking playfully on his dog tags that he still wore. 

He grinned as she traced small circles on his chest. “How about we forget laundry and just… stay in bed this morning?”

Natalie leaned up and kissed him hotly, tugging on his bottom lip as she pulled away. Nate hummed in approval, bracing himself on his elbow as he slipped one hand under her night shirt, his fingers dancing up her stomach. They reached her breast, circling around her nipple before _slowly_ inching back down to her stomach. He knew this drove her wild.

He passionately kissed her, his tongue running over her bottom lip before she eagerly opened her mouth to give him entrance. She flexed her knees, pulling his waist down to her hips and grinding against him. Nate gripped her waist before ghosting his hand back up, taking the shirt with it. 

Suddenly, Shaun’s wails could be heard through their door. 

Both of them paused, breathing heavy. Her shirt was already halfway up, and she could feel the heat pooling in her core. _Why now?_

“Maybe he’ll just… cry it out?” Nate finally said. Natalie teasingly hit his shoulder. He rolled on his back next to her, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

She got up, fixing her shirt and put on her glasses. “He has your timing,” she smiled. He could see how flushed she was, all the way down to her chest, and his cock twitched. Man he loved this woman.

“He sounds like you when you have case evaluation hearings,” Nate teased. She flashed him a look of disbelief, but he knew she was playing with him when she immediately smiled afterwards.

“It’s a lot better now that I’ve switched firms,” he retorted. She remembered the dinner she had with the Gastillons a month prior. She couldn’t believe she was offered a job that night, yet here she was!

“You deserve it all babe,” he said, resting his hands on his chest.

“I love you,” she murmured, bending down to kiss him quickly before exiting into Shaun’s room.

Codsworth was already at his crib, and Shaun was relatively quiet. Codsworth turned to look at Natalie as she entered.

“Ah, Miss Natalie,” the robot said. “I have managed to calm young Shaun down. I did not wish to disturb your sleep. I remember last night how you told Mister Nate that you wanted to sleep.”

Natalie folded her arms across her chest and walked by the crib. Shaun’s blue eyes looked at his mother. He had a binkie in his mouth. Natalie smiled and ran the back of her finger down his chubby baby cheek. Shaun smiled behind his binkie.

“Yes, I did,” Natalie said absentmindedly, too focused on her son. “But I need to run to the store. It’s Saturday morning and I need laundry detergent and probably a few other things. I want to get in and out before the lines get too long.”

“Veteran’s Hall tonight! I am so proud of Mister Nate and his accomplishments,” Codsworth beamed. 

Natalie grinned. “Me too. I’m a lucky woman.”

After a few moments of silence, Natalie moved towards the door. “I better put something on so I can leave soon.” 

“Do take care mum!”

“You too Codsworth,” Natalie smiled.

Once back in her bedroom, she noticed Nate was gone. She yanked open the drawers and saw that all of her shirts were gone. _Of course, the laundry needs to get done,_ she thought to herself. Guess she can’t complain about his lack of observance. They really were two peas in a pod. 

She put on her favorite black and pink bra and pair of jeans. She grabbed one of Nate’s red flannel shirts from his drawer and slipped it on. It was much too big on her, but she loved wearing his shirts. It reminded her of their high school days.

She walked out into the kitchen, running her fingers through her hair to quickly fix it. She found Nate reading the newspaper with the television on, sipping a cup of coffee. He looked up at her when she entered and smiled.

“You know, I think I have a shirt just like that,” he teased.

“Very funny,” she ribbed. She grabbed her purse from the high counter and sifted through it to find her keys. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Did you want me to--”

There was a knock on the door. From the window, Natalie could see a Vault-Tec van. Natalie put down her purse and opened the door curiously. 

“Good morning, good morning!” the man at the door greeted energetically. She noticed that he was all in yellow and carried a clipboard. “I am here to tell you because of your family’s service to our country, you and your family have been approved for Vault 111!”

Natalie blinked for a moment, then remembered that Nate had put in an application for them a few months ago. “Oh, yes, the one behind Sanctuary Hills?”

“The very one! I just need your signature here…” He pointed to a few highlighted spaces on the clipboard. “And here… And your John Hancock once again here! Oh, and initials here and here.”

Natalie quickly glanced over the form before pulling the attached pen from its holder and signing where indicated. She heard Nate come up behind her and read over her shoulder. She handed the clipboard back to him once done.

“Excellent! Congratulations on being prepared for the future!” 

“Thank you sir,” Nate said, before closing the door. Natalie turned to look at him, worry in her eyes. “Oh babe, babe,” he said, holding her close. “Relax. It’s only as a precaution, okay?”

She nodded into his chest and pulled away and fixed her glasses. “Yeah,” she smiled weakly. She looked towards the television, where a news broadcast was discussing how tensions between the USA and China had reached an all-time high. Codsworth whirred into the living room, near the television.

Nate left for a moment and came back with Shaun, who was happily flailing his arms like happy babies do. “See? He’s not worried,” Nate said, trying to cheer her up. “There’s no need to--”

“Look!” Codsworth interrupted, turning the television up.

“We do have… coming in… confirmed reports. I repeat, confirmed reports of nuclear detonations in New York and Pennsylvania. My God.” The television cut out.

Nate and Natalie stood there paralyzed for a few seconds, staring at the blank television screen. Natalie could feel her blood run cold. Then the sirens came, pulling her out of it. She jumped, looking open-mouthed at the window.

“We, we need to get to the vault, _NOW!_ ” Nate bellowed, pulling the door open in front of a frozen Natalie. “I have Shaun, go go!”

“Codswo--”

“Codsworth can’t come!” Nate retorted, and she gave one last fleeting look at the robot who had become her family.

Natalie hit the pavement. People were screaming all around her. Helicopters flew overhead. Sirens blared. An announcer from the helicopter ordered civilians to head to the vault immediately if they were registered. Her ears began to ring.

They turned right, through panicking people, and ran over the bridge and onto the dusty trail. This seemed too _surreal_. This couldn’t possibly be happening. She glanced up and saw the billboard advertisement for the vaults. A family smiling with a mushroom cloud behind him. She suddenly wanted to destroy the sign.

They stopped at the gate, where a crowd of people formed. 

“We need to get in, we’re on the list! Meadows, Nate and Meadows, Natalie and Meadows, Shaun,” Nate barked over the sound of the sirens. Natalie’s mouth went dry. _What about all these people at the gate that can’t get through?_

“Right, come through,” the soldier ordered. He moved enough to let them pass, then once again blocked the gate. Natalie looked behind her, wide eyed at the people at the gate. Her neighbors. Her friends. She needed to return the tupperware to Pamela down the street. How could they not let them in? Her eyes looked over at the people standing in full, plated armor, holding a machine gun. They couldn’t…

“Natalie, _move!_ ”

“Step on the platform, in the center!” a soldier shouted, waving them along to a circular platform. Nate, still holding Shaun who was surprisingly quiet, stepped onto the center, with Natalie to follow. A few of her neighbors were already on the platform. _I’m going to wake up anytime…_

“We’re going to be okay,” Nate’s voice resounded. She looked at him blankly. He was holding Shaun close to his chest. “I love you both. We’re going to be okay.”

“I-- I love you too,” Natalie croaked.

Then, the light. Behind Nate, the brightest light Natalie could have imagined. She sound was deafening. A ball of flame and cloud emerged from several miles away. It formed a mushroom.

Natalie screamed at the top of her lungs, horrified tears pouring down her cheeks. Around her, people began to chant _oh God oh God oh God_. Trees started to come down in waves. Then, the platform started to go down. 

Then it was dark.

“We’re okay,” Nate said relieved. Natalie didn’t realized she shut her eyes. She opened them to blue and yellow signs.

“Everyone please step off the elevator and proceed upstairs in an orderly fashion,” a security guard said when the gate was opened. “Vault 111! A better future! Underground!”

The group of them stepped off the platform, up the stairs and into the vault. Natalie was on autopilot. She was going to wake up any second now. Her face was hot and wet from her tears. She glanced behind her at Nate, who was holding Shaun tight. Shaun was looking around in wonder, but was otherwise quiet. Like nothing even happened.

_Vault 111. Welcome home._

A woman in a blue and yellow jumpsuit was passing out suits to everyone. “Please put this on before you go any further,” she said, handing Natalie a suit, which she nearly dropped. Natalie looked at Nate, who nodded. She went into a nearby changing room and got out of her clothes and put on the blue jumpsuit. It was snug, but warm. She got out and Nate passed Shaun to her. She rocked him back and forth while Nate got dressed. When he emerged, a man in a white coat took their old clothes.

“What are you doing with them?” Nate asked, taking back Shaun from Natalie.

“Not to worry sir,” the man smiled. “Your clothes will be decontaminated and put in a locker for when they’re used in the future.”

“You three?” a man said a little ways down the hall. He was also in a white lab coat, and had a few of her neighbors already in their jumpsuits with him. “I’m a doctor. Please follow me.”

He led them down a long corridor, passing several grieving people. Everything looked so fake to her. _None of this is real._

“How long do you think we’ll be down here?” Nate asked.

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” the doctor said cheerfully. “We’ll go over that in orientation. Just a few medical things we have to get through first, for the safety of everyone in the vault.”

He led them to a room with several pods. Shaun began to cry. 

“Shh, baby, it’ll be okay,” Natalie turned to her son. She tried to put on her best smile. “Mommy’s right here. Daddy’s right here. We’ll never leave you.”

“Please step into the pod,” the doctor said, leading her to an empty pod to her left. “The pod will decontaminate you, and then we’ll head further into the vault.”

Natalie looked at the pod and reluctantly got in. Nate, still holding Shaun (who was now quiet), got into the pod directly across from her. The pod door went down and closed her in with a loud _thud_. Natalie took a deep breath, her heart hammering in her chest.

“Just relax,” she heard the doctor say through the glass door. He stepped away, and she could see her husband and her son also closed in the pod across from her. Nate put his free hand against the glass and mouthed the words _I love you_.

“Resident secure,” came a mechanical voice from the computer. “Procedure complete.”

_Deep breaths. You can do this. You have to do this._

“In 5… 4….”

_Is it cold?_

“3…”

_Oh god, it’s so cold… Cold…. What’s happening?_

“2….”

She tried to move her arm to the glass, but was too weak to do so. It was much too cold in the vault. Her breathing quickening. She can’t see anything out of her glasses.

_Nate… Shaun..._

“1…”


	3. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie loses two people close to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With this chapter, we are now done with the background, and will be getting into the Commonwealth! Thanks for being patient!

“Manual override initiated. Cryogenic stasis suspended.”

Natalie blinked. Her eyelids felt heavy and out of place. She wiggled her fingers; they felt stiff and dry. Every breath pierced her lungs. She rang her tongue over her cracked lips, which didn’t help because her mouth was dry anyway.

She squinted through the foggy glass cover. _Are Nate and Shaun okay?_ It was dark, like someone turned the lights off. _Where is everyone?_

Suddenly, she heard a voice. “This is the one. Here.”

She focused on the door, her eyes adjusting to the darkness. She saw a person she didn’t recognize, dressed in a funny looking suit. They were pointing at the pod with Nate and Shaun. Another man came into view. He was bald and had a gun. Natalie’s eyes widened.

“Open it,” the mysterious man said.

She felt a growing knot in her stomach. _Who are these people? Where is the doctor?_ She moved her lips and tried to call for help, but it felt like her vocal cords weren’t working. Every time she tried to make a sound, nothing came out.

Nate’s pod opened. Natalie watched helplessly as Nate coughed, and Shaun started crying.

“Is it over?” she heard Nate say over Shaun’s crying. “Are we okay?”

The figure in the funny suit was very close to the pod. They motioned to reach for Shaun. Natalie jolted forward, but couldn’t move in her own pod. Her right arm banged on the glass. It didn’t make a sound.

“Almost. Everything’s gonna be fine,” the man with the gun said. 

The person in the suit reached into the pod, trying to grab Shaun. “Come here, come here baby,” they said. Shaun cried louder.

“No, wait. No I’ve got him,” Nate growled, pulling backwards into the pod. Natalie frantically tried to call for Nate, but no sound escaped from her lips.

“Let the boy go,” the main threatened, pointing his long gun at Nate. “I’m only going to tell you once.” The person in the suit continued her assault to get Shaun from Nate’s arms. 

Natalie banged on the glass with both fists repeatedly, silent tears streaming down her face. It chilled her to the core and she involuntarily shivered. She screamed at the top of her lungs, but no sound came out.

“I’m not giving you Shaun,” Nate bellowed, pulling harder to get Shaun away from the assailant. 

_BANG._

Nate’s lifeless body fell into the pod as the stranger took Shaun from his arms. The sound of the gun made Natalie jump, echoing in her ears. She stared, wide-eyed as they killed her husband. Her whole body began to shake. She screwed her eyes shut, then pounded relentlessly on the glass, screaming and howling.

“Goddammit. Get the kid out of here and lets go,” the murdered said, unphased. Shaun’s wails pierced her ears, and it only made her pound harder. The suited stranger left her field of vision.

The gunner came in front of her pod. She gritted her teeth and pounded on the glass, though her hands had begun to ache. Her eyes pierced his. He had scars running down his ugly face, and he had the look of someone that had been through some shit and could not be trusted.

“At least we still have the backup.”

_I will remember you. I will find you and fucking kill you. You’re going to regret keeping me alive._

“Cryogenic sequence reinitialized.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Critical failure in Cyrogenic Array. All Vault residents must vacate immediately.”

Natalie’s eyes came into focus and she gingerly placed her hand on the door to her pod, leaning against it. Beyond her, she can see the body of Nate, slumped to the side in his pod. Her face flushed, holding back tears.

Suddenly, the door to the pod swung open, and she found herself face down on the cold metal floor. Warning sirens were going off all around her. The air was thick and _damn cold_ , and it hung heavy on her lungs.

“Critical failure in Cyrogenic Array. All Vault residents must vacate immediately.”

She struggled to get onto her feet, her legs feeling like lead. When she finally managed to, she raced to Nate’s pod and yanked on the door. It didn’t budge.

“Come on! There has to be some release!” she croaked. Her voice sounded foreign and strange.

She pushed her glasses up her nose and looked around wildly for a button or _something_. She found a nearby panel of buttons and slammed each one. Nate’s door began to swing open.

“Come on, come on, come on… Oh _god_ ,” she cried.

Nate almost looked like he was sleeping, except for the thin layer of white frost coating his entire body. She reached for his hand, which felt unnatural and icy. Tears began to form once again, and the widow fell to her knees, screaming in anguish. She pulled her knees to her chest and cried for what felt like years. Every emotion, every ounce of pain. This just isn’t real. This isn’t happening. 

_This isn’t happening…_

She thought about staying in the vault, with Nate, freezing to death. To death do us part. They fell in love in high school. Her mom told her that it would never work. She told her to get her head out of the clouds. But they married and had a son and she had never been _so fucking happy_ before. He was everything to her. He cared for her when she was sick, he was there when her brother passed away with cancer, he held her when she had all those doubts of the Bar exam...

She looked up at his body through tears and thick eyelashes. She felt numb and not real. None of this is real. Her eyes wandered from his beautiful face, down his arm, to his wedding ring. She choked back a sob, looking at her own wedding ring on her finger.

Natalie furiously rubbed her eyes under her glasses with the back of her hand. She can’t die here. Shaun needs her. Maybe if she ran, she could catch up with them.

She got up, throwing herself on Nate’s chest. No more heartbeat to comfort her at night. No more warmth when she got cold ( _you’re always cold_ , he would tease her). She sobbed silently on his chest, her hand snaking down to his and removing his wedding ring.

“I’ll never let you go Nate. I’ll never forget you. You’ll always be with me, my love. I love you so much Nate. Thank you, thank you for everything,” she said softly.

She placed a kiss on his icy cheek, before pocketing his wedding ring. She looked at a few more pods. 

“All… Dead…” she sobbed, covering her mouth with her hands. _There’s nothing I can do._

“I’m sorry,” she sighed heavily to the room, before turning on her heel and exiting the chamber.

She made her way through the empty, decrepit halls. Lights flickered ominously overhead, making each breath she took much more fearful. _Where is everyone?_

Natalie found a rather large room, and she vaguely recognized this as the room where she originally got into the jumpsuit. She opened each locker on the wall and looked through the clothes for hers. She eventually found them, and had to stifle a sob. She had forgotten that she wore Nate’s shirt when she first got in the vault. She held the fabric loosely in her hands, fighting the urge to cry. Running her hand through her hair, she took a deep breath and grabbed the jeans and shirt, and put them on over her jumpsuit. She didn’t bother buttoning the flannel.

“Hello? Is anyone here?” she called. The only thing that responded was her echo.

“Critical failure in Cyrogenic Array. All Vault residents must vacate immediately.”

Everything looked old and rusted. _What’s going on?_

She made her way through several more halls before opening a sliding door. Behind it was the largest fucking roach that Natalie had ever seen in her life.

“What the fuck?” she stammered, taking a step backwards. The roach batted its wings and headed straight towards her. She looked around wildly for anything she could use, and settled on a clipboard that was on a desk. She raised the clipboard over her head and beat the hell out of the roach. Its guts splayed on the floor at her feet.

She stood there, holding the clipboard with shaking hands, before bolting through the hallways again. She needed to get out of here as fast as possible. She sprinted through what looked like a kitchen area, and a bedroom, though the beds looked like they had seen better days. She eventually got to a sliding door with “111” etched on it and opened it.

Her eyes locked onto a 10mm pistol and some ammo that was on the desk. She threw the clipboard to the ground and grabbed the gun and loaded it.

“Thank you Nate and daddy for teaching me how to shoot,” she said, peering down the barrel. “Lets hope I remember it.” She looked to her right, behind the desk, and nearly fell over in surprise.

A skeleton, dressed in a white lab coat, lay sprawled on the ground. The bones looked old and grey. She cautiously approached the skeleton, trying to get a better look without getting too close. “What happened here? Where is everyone?!” She noticed the familiar green blinking of a computer waiting for user input on the computer next to the skeleton. Crouching down, she saw this was the Overseer’s computer.

She thumbed through a few of the files, growing more and more horrified as she read. _Vault 111 is designed to test the long-term effects of suspended animation on unaware, human subjects._

“Suspended animation…” she mused out loud, before using the terminal to unlock the door to the exit. “I knew Vault Tec couldn’t be trusted.” She gripped her pistol tightly and made her way out the locked door. 

She made her way through more dark hallways before opening a door labelled “exit zone.” Inside, she found more skeletons (and a roach, which she actually managed to shoot). 

“Is this all that’s left?” she lamented, walking carefully over the skeleton nearest to the door. Beyond her was a large, circular gear that bore “Vault 111”. She made her way to the control panel. In front of it was another skeleton, but this one had a strange… wrist device. She picked it up, realizing it isn’t as heavy as it looks, and put it on her left wrist. She blew the dust away from the screen, making her cough, and once again started pressing buttons hoping something would happen.

She gadget whirled to life with bright green text. “Pip-co,” she read out loud from the text on the screen. “Maybe a Pip-Boy?” _I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen one…_

She noticed a wire protruding from under the gadget that she didn’t notice when she put it on. Yanking the wire, a small circular connector was at the end of it. Natalie grabbed the connector, then noticed it would fit into the panel right in front of her.

“This must be my way out,” she said to no one. “It’s now or never. I’ll come back for you Nate, I promise.”

She jammed the connector in the socket, pulled it out, and pressed the red OPEN button.

“Vault door cycling sequence initiated. Please stand back.”

Warning sirens sounded. A machine came forward and inserted itself in the gear-looking indentation on the door. She watched as the machine effortless removed the gear-shaped chunk of metal. The light from behind it blasted Natalie’s eyes, and she shielded them with her arm. A walking platform extended from the far end of the room. 

She made her way off the panel platform and over to her new exit way. The light was blindingly bright, and she squinted to even see where she was going. She walked slowly down the path, and recognized just ahead the same platform that she rode in on to get into the vault in the first place. 

She ran down the steps, the flannel shirt flapping behind her with each step. She pulled open the gate and stepped onto the platform. The platform came to life under her feet and began to go slowly up.

“Enjoy your visit to the service, and thank you for choosing Vault-Tec.”


	4. Sanctuary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie finally makes it to Sanctuary Hills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! This is another relatively slow chapter, but will be important for later in the story. The next chapter will be somewhat "rushed," meaning I won't go into ~too~ much detail and will be summarizing, so I can get Natalie out to finally meet MacCready faster. Thanks for your patience!

The sunlight blazed her eyes as the platform reached the open air. She held her arms in front of her face and screwed her eyes shut until the platform reached a screeching halt.

She lowered her arms to her side and stood there for a moment, eyes shut, enjoying the feeling of the sun on her face. She holstered her pistol in the pouch on her leg. The air tasted…  _ different _ than she remembered. Like there was a metallic tang in the air. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes.

She raised both hands to cover her mouth in shock, tears forming in her hazel eyes. She didn’t have the energy to scream or cry.

From where Natalie stood, there was nothing but dead trees as far as she could see. The ground was a sickly brown-yellow color of lifelessness. Power pylons lay in ruin near what was once the Big Bridge (as Nate had called it) that took her into Boston. In the far distance, she could see what was once tall, thriving buildings, which now looked rundown and decrepit. The eeriest thing, though, was the  _ silence _ . Not a bird nor bug chirped. 

Natalie had never felt more alone in her life. Her legs carried her to the nearby rusted metal fence and she cautiously leaned on it, the rust gritty in her petite hands. Mouth agape, her breathing quickened when she realized she was in way over her head.

“There’s… there’s nothing left…” she croaked to outloud to herself. A single tear escaped her wet eyes and fell onto the fence below.

She turned on her heel, holding her arms as she walked gingerly passed the platform and towards the direction of the gate. She looked on sadly as a small group of skeletons lay scattered at what once was the entrance to the gate. Her heart skipped a beat, as flashbacks of that day infiltrated her mind. Her eyes got cloudy once again from tears, but she kept walking, and promptly tripped over a piece of metal and skidded into the same iron fence.

Her face collided into the rusted, broken fence and she let out a cry of pain. Natalie scrambled to her knees and wiped her face with the sleeve of the flannel shirt and noticed it was streaked with blood. Her glasses seemed fine though (thank goodness for scratch resistance). She got up and ran to the small bridge that went over the river, passing the old vault advertisement. The water looked dark, but she took off her glasses and splashed her face with water, gritting her teeth from the pain. The left side of her face seemed to be the side that was bleeding. _God I’m such a fucking klutz._ She splashed her face a few more times until the water ran clean, and put her glasses back on, making her way into Sanctuary Hills.

She stared wide-eyed at was once her home. Flashbacks of the bright, quaint town filled her mind. She had no more tears to cry. She felt totally and completely numb. She removed her pistol from the holster, just in case, and made her way to what once was her old house. As she approached, she heard a noise coming from inside. She aimed her pistol in front of her, crouching low, when a familiar whirring sound filled her ears.

“Codsworth?” she mumbled, lowering her pistol and standing up.

“Mum?!” came an excited robotic voice from inside her house, and soon, a battered Codsworth emerged from the front doorway. “Mum, is that really you?!”

“Codsworth?” she repeated, grinning. “You’re okay?”

“As I live and breathe… it’s… it’s REALLY you!”

“Codsworth…” Natalie breathed. “What… what happened to the world?”

“The world, mum? Well, besides our geraniums still being the envy of Sanctuary Hills, I’m afraid things have been dreadfully dull around here. Things will be so much more exciting with you and sir back! Where is your better half, by the by?”

“Oh Codsworth,” Natalie’s voice cracked. “They came into the Vault… Maybe you saw them? They had guns… and strange outfits?”

“Only Ms. Rosa’s boy, running around in his Halloween costume, more than a week early,” Codsworth chastised. “I swear, the nerve of that woman leaving her brat unsupervised. Not like you, mum. You’re the perfect mother. And sir is… oh, where is sir by the by?”

Natalie swallowed. “They… they killed him.”

“Mum… these things you’re saying. These… terrible things… I… I believe you need a distraction. Yes! A distraction, to calm this dire mood,” Codsworth quipped. “It’s been ages since we’ve had a proper family activity. Checkers. Or perhaps charades. Shaun does love that game. Is the lad… with you…?”

“He’s gone, goddammit it,” Natalie said, voice cracking. “Someone took him! They stole my son!”

“It’s worse than I thought,” Codsworth said concerned. “Hmm. Hmm. You’re suffering from… hunger-induced paranoia. Not eating properly for 200 years will do that, I’m afraid.”

Natalie blinked.  _ What did he just say? _

“200 years? What? Are you…?” Natalie stammered, taking a step back.

“A bit over 210 actually, mum,” Codsworth informed. Natalie put her empty hand over her mouth to cover her shock. “Give or take a little for the Earth’s rotation and some minor dings to the ol’ chronometer. That means you’re two centuries late for dinner! Ha ha ha. Perhaps I can whip you up a snack? You must be famished.”

Natalie narrowed her eyes at Codsworth. Something was off. She didn’t spend three years in law school to not know when something is off.

“Codsworth, you’re acting… a little bit weird. What’s wrong?” she inquired, finally holstering her pistol and taking a few steps towards the robot.

“I… I…” Codsworth sounded like he was about to cry, if robots could cry. “Oh mum, it’s just been horrible! Two centuries with no one to talk to, no one to serve. I spent the first  _ ten years _ trying to keep the floors waxed, but nothing get out nuclear fallout from vinyl wood. Nothing! And don’t get me started about the futility of dusting a collapsed house. And the car! The car! How do you polish rust?”

“Stay with me pal,” Natalie said, resting a hand on the top of his casing. “Focus.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know anything, mum,” Codsworth lamented. “The bombs came, and all of you left in such a hurry. I thought for certain you and your family were… dead. I did find this holotape,” he continued, pulling a small yellow and white tape from a compartment in his casing. “I believe sir was going to present it to you. As a surprise. But then, well… everything happened.”

Natalie took it, flipping it over in her hand before stuffing into a pocket on her vault suit. “Thank you, Codsworth,” she said softly.

“You’re… you’re welcome,” Codsworth said. “Now, enough feeling sorry for myself. Shall we search the neighborhood together? Sir and young Shaun may turn up yet.”

Natalie didn’t have the heart to repeat what happened to Nate. “Have you seen anything dangerous?”

“Oh, just the usual, mum. Pesky neighborhood dogs and mosquitoes. Shall I investigate?”

“All right,” Natalie said.

“Excellent mum,” Codsworth beamed. “Although, mum, what happened to your face? There appears to be a large mark starting above your left eyebrow and extending down your left cheek. Thank goodness you didn’t scratch your eye! You are lucky you have glasses, mum.”

“Nothing, I… fell.”

“You fell?”

“Yes, I fell, okay,” Natalie said hastily, smiling. “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine. I’d like to… see my house.”

“Of course mum,” Codsworth said. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Natalie glanced sideways at the dull broken house to her immediate left. She stretched her hands repeatedly -- a nervous habit of hers -- before taking a deep breath and entering the doorway.

The house was in complete disarray. Broken, dusty, dirty furniture littered her kitchen and living room. She took another deep breath and walked further into the dark room, noticing that the door to the right was completely missing off its hinges. Through the doorway she could make out the rusted heap of what was once their shiny 2076 model car.

“Are you okay mum?” came Codsworth voice somewhere behind her.

Natalie nodded, not saying a word. Her fingertips softly touched what was once her kitchen island, kicking up a layer of dust. She made her way down the hallway. To the left, she passed her bathroom, with its mirror still in tact. She looked into what was once her bedroom. It was missing several panels of the wall, and she could see the other destroyed buildings of Sanctuary Hills beyond it. Something felt off.

“Codsworth,” she said, concerned. She entered her bedroom and opened several drawers. Items were missing, and things were not where they left them. She was extremely organized. She had to be to study law. “Codsworth, was this place looted?”

“Ah mum, I’m terribly sorry,” came Codsworth’s voice from the kitchen. “I’m afraid our little town has been looted several times in the past 200 years. I’ve stopped a few criminals, but alas, they further came in numbers.”

Natalie looked at the top of what was once her dresser. Nate’s folded military flag was missing, as was her favorite photograph of herself, Nate, and Shaun, right after Shaun was born in the hospital.  _ Why would someone take a flag and a photograph? _

“I… I just wanted the photograph,” Natalie sniffled. “What would criminals want with a photograph of people they don’t even know after nuclear annihilation? Who came through here?”

Codsworth appeared in the doorway, blocking entrance to Shaun’s room. Good. “The photograph of young Shaun after birth? I remember the one. Several groups came through here over the years… Raiders, Gunners, other smaller mercenary groups. I’m afraid the world isn’t how you remember it, mum. There’s no government. There’s no legal system. There’s no laws. People just… do what they want now.”

“Are there any cities?” Natalie asked, facing him.

“There are a few larger settlements,” Codsworth stated carefully. “But the roads there are treacherous with mutated wildlife and thugs. There is Diamond City, the largest city, where Fenway Park used to be. I’ve also heard the name ‘Goodneighbor,’ but that’s farther east than Diamond City. I think it’s where Scollay Square once stood.”

“How do you know all this?” Natalie asked bewildered. “I thought you said you’ve had no one to talk to for 200 years.”

“Thugs talk,” he said smugly. “When they spend the night, those meddling criminals would talk about their excursions to various cities.”

“Ah,” Natalie stared. “Could Shaun be in Diamond City or Goodneighbor?”

“Well, Concord is nearby,” Codsworth mused. “It’s not as large as Diamond City or Goodneighbor, but it is closer. The people there have only shot at me a few times.” 

“Thanks Codsworth,” Natalie smiled.

“Anytime, mum. I do wish you luck. I’m going to stay here and tidy up a bit,” Codsworth said, before whirring out of the hallway.

Natalie’s eyes flashed at the room opposite her bedroom. She couldn’t do it. Not today. She hastily made her way passed the room, keeping her eyes down.

Back outside, she stretched into the sun. She was alive and in Sanctuary Hills with Codsworth. And she was going to get her son back. The world was not going to hold her back.  _ Someone in Diamond City or Goodneighbor has to know. Someone there has had to have seen a group of people with a baby. _

  
Grabbing her pistol from her holster, she set off in the direction of Concord.


	5. To Diamond City!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie joins the Minutemen, and sets off in the direction of Diamond City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about combining this chapter with the next, which is halfway written out, when I realized it's way too long. Enjoy this filler chapter -- the next chapter will be posted soon! Thanks for reading! :)

Codsworth was right -- the road to Concord was perilous.

When she got there though, guns pointed at her and fired. Armed with her 10mm pistol and a German Shepherd dog that she befriended at the Red Rocket station that she would always fuel up at ( _ How did it even survive all this time? _ ), she managed to subdue her attackers, albeit not before trying to talk to one of them (she finally decided to shoot when it became obvious that he didn’t want to listen). She noticed a man on the balcony of the old Museum of Freedom that she often visited as a teenager. He was waving an impressive gun with a bright red light ( _ laser gun? _ ) and plead for her help. Natalie aggressively made her way up to the top of the museum, where she met a group of people hiding from the attackers.

“Man, I don’t know who you are, but your timing’s impeccable. Preston Garvey, Commonwealth Minutemen,” the man said, relieved.

“Minutemen? So now I’m travelling backward in time?” Natalie said with an amused smile. 

After helping the group (in which she was coerced into lockpicking, which she’s never done in her life but apparently she’s the only one willing to  _ learn _ it), she was convinced to get into some old power armor. She paused before entering it, remembering how Nate looked in the power armor before he kissed her goodbye and was whisked off to war. She swallowed her approaching tears and exhaled, fixing her sleeves back and getting into the armor.

The battle was intense, to say the least. In addition to the usual people shooting at her ( _ it’s a nuclear apocalypse, why can’t people just get along? _ ), a… thing appeared from around the corner. Hideous and grotesque, it looked like something Natalie did not want to go toe to toe with, even when wearing a protective metal cocoon. She did, however, manage to defeat it, though the suit was badly damaged in the process. Taking it off, she hissed in pain -- part of the chest was pushed it and it was pressing against her ribs. She’d have time to look at the damage later when she got back to Sanctuary Hills to assess the damage.

The broken, weary group made their way back to Sanctuary Hills at the discretion of an older lady in the group named Mama Murphy, who somehow “saw” the city in her dreams. Natalie’s feet felt heavier and heavier as she made her way back to Sanctuary Hills with the group, hanging towards the back. The dog -- whom Mama Murphy also said was named Dogmeat -- stayed by her side, looking up at her occasionally with a curious whine.

The Minuteman turned his head in her direction and hung back from the group, falling into her steps.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, concerned.

“It’s nothing, I just…” her voice trailed off as they climbed over the battered wooden bridge to the town. “I just, used to live here, is all.”

“Used to live here? What do you mean?”

“I’m not… I’m not from your, uh, time,” she stammered, stopping in front of the old mailbox. “I used to live here… before the war. Before the bombs. Before the world looked like this.”

Preston holstered his laser gun on his back, stopping in front of her. He pushed his hat further up so he could see her clearer. “You mean to tell me that you’re over 200 years old?” he asked, a hint of amazement in his voice.

“I was in the vault, the one up there,” she said, motioning with her head in the direction of the path to the vault. “I was apparently frozen when they told me I was going for decontamination. Yeah, I saw alive before the war. I was a lawyer.”

“A what?”

“Uh, I’ll tell you later,” she said quickly. “I was in the vault with my husband Nate and infant son, Shaun. Some people came and killed Nate and stole Shaun.”

Preston’s face fell. “Man, I’m… I’m so sorry,” he said, concern in his voice.

“Yeah, well, I need to find my baby,” she said flatly, moving past him and further into the city. He followed closely behind her. 

“Maybe you should head to a larger city,” he called after her, keeping up with her pace. “Like Diamond City.” She stopped when she reached the front of her house, spinning to look at him. “There’s bound to be someone there who knows what happened to your baby.”

“Codsworth also mentioned Goodneighbor too,” Natalie said expectantly.

“Goodneighbor is a rough city,” Preston said thoughtfully. “The mayor says everyone is welcome, but you’re more likely to be robbed and hurt there. It’s not at all safe.” His brow furrowed with concern. “The mayor doesn’t seem to care to do anything about it from what I’ve heard.”

“Which is closer?”

“Diamond City.”

“Then I’ll go to Diamond City,” Natalie smiled, turning on her heel to enter her home.

“General,” Preston said, reaching out and grabbing her arm. Natalie looked at his hand, then up at him, frozen in place. She had reluctantly agreed to be the ‘leader’ of this militia, though she had seriously doubts to its integrity to last long in the new Commonwealth. “Please be careful. Do you know how to get to Diamond City?”

Natalie reached out and gently picked up his hand and dropped it from her arm. Preston looked both confused and concerned at the gesture. “It’s at Fenway Park,” she said matter-of-factly. “Nate and I would…” She swallowed. “Well, I know how to get there.”

Preston took a deep breath. “All right. I’ll man the fort here. I’ll see if I can get anyone to pitch in to make this town more liveable. Food, water, shelter…”

“Thanks Preston,” she cut him off with a smile and went into her home, closing the door behind her.

She shook her head to herself on the way to her bathroom, smiling to herself.  _ He’s way too nice from what I’ve seen so far in this shithole. _

Natalie went into her old bathroom, standing in front of the still in-tact mirror. She removed the flannel shirt, childishly hugging it to her body before placing it on the dirty floor. Slowly, she unzipped her blue jumpsuit to her waist where she stopped at the top of her jeans. A hiss of pain escaped her lips as she gingerly peeled off the fabric from her left shoulder, allowing it to hang from her waist. She pushed the fabric of her bra to the side to glance at the wound she acquired fighting the Deathclaw in Concord.

The creature had managed to leave a sizeable indent in the metal armor, and it looks like it was pressing against her ribcage this whole time. An ugly, sickly looking purple bruise marred her ribcage. Natalie brushed it with her fingers and winced in pain.

“You have an ugly bruise to go with your ugly scar,” Natalie laughed out loud to no one. “Figures. Can’t catch a fucking break.”

She got dressed and put her husband’s flannel shirt back on and went outside, running her fingers through her auburn hair. The sun was high in the sky, warm and welcoming on her face. She absentmindedly ran the back of her hand over her cheek, feeling the scar that ran down the left side of her face.

Codsworth had insisted that she eat something before she set out on her journey to Diamond City. She ate some canned beans in silence, wandering around the small town as she spooned it in her mouth. Preston occasionally glanced in her direction, but otherwise left her alone. 

She packed more rations in an old backpack that she found in Concord, spare bullets and a few Stimpacks.  _ I’m so not used to injecting myself _ , she thought as she loaded them in the bottom of the bag. She wished everyone goodbye and crossed her fingers that she could find her way back. Together with Dogmeat, they set off in the direction of Diamond City.


	6. Hancock and MacCready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie discovers ghouls and meets a mercenary with some extra baggage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter everyone's been waiting for... Natalie finally meets MacCready! And she's terrified of ghouls (this comes into play later). I hope everyone enjoys! :)

Only, her sense of direction was  _ garbage _ .

“I don’t remember this building,” she worried to Dogmeat, who looked at her with a curious whine. She gazed up at the decaying buildings, growing increasingly nostalgic as she wandered farther east, but also growing increasingly confused. He had been down towards Fenway Park many times with Nate and his brother Jonathan, but everything looked so  _ different _ now. Her grip on her pistol tightened as the duo headed to what she  _ thinks _ is the direction of Fenway Park.

A sound to her right made her hair stand on end. She had run into a few mutated rats and angry, violent human beings, but otherwise had a nearly uneventful trip thus far. She wanted to keep it that way. On her left, Dogmeat emitted a low growl, fur standing up as he protected his owner. It was coming from the direction of a hollowed out rusted car.

“Hello?” Natalie said, voice shaking as she raised her pistol in straight in front of her.

A human figure emerged from behind the car and began to threateningly run towards her. Only this was not a person like she’s ever seen before. It was hideously mutated, with yellow and red eyes. It’s skin looked like it was burned, and it was a grotesque red color, like the color of guts. Natalie’s mouth fell open in shock before she had a chance to pull the trigger. The creature was on top of her, slashing at chest. Natalie raised her arms in front of her face and screamed as Dogmeat lunged at the ghoul, dragging it off of her. Natalie got to her knees, breathing heavily and clutching her bruised side. She removed her hand and looked down and saw blood.  _ Her blood. _

She looked up just as Dogmeat had managed to kill the creature. He came to her side, licking her face, concerned.

“I’m okay boy,” she smiled in between breaths. “I’m right here.”

Dogmeat cocked his head to one side, pressing his wet nose to her hand that still clutched her pistol. 

“I don’t need a stimpack,” she retorted, as if the dog could understand her. “I’m fine. I swear.”

Dogmeat growled softly before sitting at her side, panting happily. Natalie got to her feet, still holding her side and clutching the pistol with her other hand as if her life depended on it. She wiped the gun on her leg and whistled to Dogmeat. Together, they continued their adventure until the sky started to get darker.

Every sound spooked Natalie as the darkness descended on the Commonwealth. Her side was no longer bleeding, though there was a dull ache. She gripped her pistol with both hands, keeping it low as she made her way through the ruined streets. 

She heard the sounds of footsteps behind her and she froze.

“Dogmeat,” she hushed, her breath catching in her throat. Her heart hammered in her chest. Dogmeat growled, bumping up against Natalie’s leg protectively. 

She spun around, narrowing her eyes and pointing her gun directly at the figure in the shadows behind her. Dogmeat growled defensively.

“Whoa whoa lady, don’t shoot,” came the sound of a very deep, gruff voice. The figure stepped out from the shadows, and Natalie’s eyes widened when she saw that the figure looked like the creature that attacked her earlier.

“It can fucking talk,” she loudly proclaimed to Dogmeat, not lowering her gaze or pistol.

“Lady are you on Jet?” the creature laughed. Natalie could see it was wearing clothes -- a white shirt and dark pants, and an old baseball hat. She had no idea what a “jet” was, but she didn’t trust this creature.

“Stay away from me,” Natalie snarled, “I will fucking shoot you if you come any closer. What are you?”

“What am I?” the creature said, confused.

“One of you just attacked me earlier and tried to kill me. What are you? Who are you? Why do you look like that?”

“Lady--” the creature said, stepping closer. Natalie fired. 

The shot was messy, but she hit it squarely in the right shoulder. The creature howled in pain, and Natalie ran like hell in the opposite direction, Dogmeat hot at her feet. She could hear the creature calling her names from the distance, but it didn’t sound like it was chasing her. She ran until her feet couldn’t take her anymore, before stopping behind a dumpster and catching her breath. 

“What was that?” she croaked between heavy breaths.

Dogmeat looked at her, whining. She smiled at him, petting him roughly on the head. A glow from the right caught her eye, and she turned her head to see a large gate with a door. Outside, the neon lights illuminated “Goodneighbor.”

“I’ll be damned,” she chuckled, holstering her pistol. “I really am fucking lost. I just waltzed right past Fenway Park.” She looked down at her pooch companion. “Let’s go boy.”

She stood outside the door, taking a deep breath. Preston’s warning rung in her eyes. “Let’s be careful boy,” she said quietly to Dogmeat before opening the door and entering the city.

The town was dark and smelled  _ odd _ . She couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Natalie tucked her hair behind her ear, and gazed at buildings before her. A man was smoking, in the middle of the walkway to enter the rest of the city. Behind the man, she could vaguely make out a strange looking robot that looked like a store keeper. She walked towards the man, who immediately stopped her.

“Hey. Hold up there.” His voice sounded like he’d be smoking those cigarettes since he was 4. “First time in Goodneighbor? Can’t go walking around without insurance.”

“You better back off, or you’re the one who’s going to need insurance,” Natalie said hotly. Dogmeat growled.

“Whoa, hey, all right,” the man said, noticeably nervous. “We’ll just, uh, say your insurance is paid up for now, okay?”

“Whoa whoa, time out,” came a voice from the alley leading into the rest of the city. Natalie took a step back when she saw it was the same type of creature that attacked her on her way here. Only this one was wearing old colonial clothing that she’d figure would be in a museum. And an old colonial hat. “Someone steps through the gate the first time, they’re a guest. You lay off that extortion crap.” The creature’s voice was oddly charismatic, but Natalie was still fearful and unsure of it.

The man turned and walked towards the figure. “What d’you care? She ain’t one of us,” he retorted.

“No love for your mayor, Finn?” said the figure.  _ So this must be the mayor that Preston was talking about. _ “I said, let her go.” The two now faced each other a few feet apart.

“You’re soft, Hancock,” said Finn.  _ Hancock? Like Founding Father John Hancock? Is that the gimmick?  _ “You keep letting outsiders walk all over us, one day there’ll be a new mayor.”

“Come on man,” Hancock said smoothly, approaching Finn. “This is me we’re talking about. Let me tell you something.” When Hancock reached Finn, he removed a knife from his back pocket and stabbed Finn repeatedly in the stomach. Natalie let out a cry, hands covering her mouth in horror. She watched the lifeless body of Finn slump to the ground in a pool of his own blood.

“Now why’d you have to go and say that, huh?” Hancock mocked the body. “Breaking my heart over here.” Hancock turned his attention to Natalie, who took another step back and hit the wall of the city.

“G-get away from me,” she stammered, tears pouring down her face. “What are you?”

Hancock eyed her for a moment. He didn’t approach her, but instead slowly put away his knife. “I’m a ghoul. You’ve never seen one before?”

“I have, and it tried to kill me,” Natalie squeaked, trying to move closer to the door.

A look of comprehension lit Hancock’s face. “Was it naked?”

“What?”

“Was it naked?”

“Er, yeah,” Natalie said confused.

“Feral ghouls are different than other ghouls. Ghouls were people who were exposed to high amounts of radiation and mutated into yours truly. Feral ghouls are ghouls whose brains have rot and they attack on sight.” Natalie simply looked at him, unsure of what to make of it. “Like my face? I think it gives me a sexy, king of the zombies kinda look. Big hit with the ladies,” Hancock smiled. Natalie let out a sound of disgust.

“What’s to stop you from becoming feral?” she asked, moving cautiously away from the wall and towards Hancock.

“My charisma and charm,” Hancock teased. Natalie scowled. “Listen, a lot of walking rad freaks like me around here, so you might want to keep those kinds of questions on the low burner next time,” he added. “Goodneighbor’s of the people, for the people, you feel me? Everyone’s welcome.”

Natalie looked sideways at him, before gazing at the alleyway he came from. “Have you seen a baby recently? My son’s been kidnapped,” she said.

“Oh man, I’m sorry,” Hancock said sadly. “No, I haven’t, but maybe someone at The Third Rail has. Head down that alleyway and go to the left. Can’t miss it.”

“Okay,” she said, unsure. “Um, thank… you?”

“Hey hey, no problem,” he said, smacking her playfully on the back. She stumbled forward. “If you ever need me or my services, I’m right here, in this state house.” He motioned to the building directly to their left. He nodded to a lady who was leaned up against the wall, and the two of them entered the state house.

“Come on Dogmeat,” Natalie’s voice was shaking. Dogmeat kept close to her legs as she went down the alleyway and turned the corner. Directly to her left was, as Hancock had said, The Third Rail. It really couldn’t be missed. She slipped in through the door.

There was another ghoul, this time dressed in a tuxedo complete with hat. She tried not to giggle as she approached them. “Hancock says newcomers are welcome in the Third Rail,” he said gruffly. “Go on in.”

Natalie nodded nervously as she went passed him and made her way down the stairs. As she was descending the stairs, she heard the sound of a woman, singing softly and sweetly. She only vaguely noticed that this was, in fact, a subway station in its past life. The bar was tended by a Mr. Handy in a bowler hat.  _ I need to get a bowler hat for Codsworth. Maybe he’ll actually wear it. _

“Oi,” the mechanical voice of the Mr. Handy said flatly. It was programmed in a British accent. “We got beer. If you ain't buyin’ beer, you ain’t buyin’.”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Natalie said, her eyes lingering on the woman in the sparkling red dress who was singing a jazz tune. “I’ll take some wine.”

“10 caps,” said the Mr. Handy.

Natalie fished around in her bag for the caps. When Preston told her that the Commonwealth no longer uses actual currency but instead  _ bottlecaps _ , she thought he was kidding. It took some convincing for her to realize he was telling the truth. He gave her about 300 tiny caps in a small pouch for her journey in case she desperately needed something, with the agreement that she’d give him the remainder once she returned. She counted out 10 bottlecaps and put it on the counter, and the robot slipped her the bottle, which she promptly packed in her bag.

She walked towards a table to sit, when a man lowered his whiskey from his lips and glared at her. “What? Another one of you mercs looking for MacCready? He’s in the backroom.”

“Who?” she asked the man, who leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms in front of him. He motioned behind him, to a room that Natalie didn’t even notice.

She approached the door and noticed two men ahead of her, entering a room to her right. She heard one of the men say, “Can’t say I’m surprised to find you in a dump like this, MacCready.”

“Wait here Dogmeat,” Natalie whispered, entering the small hallway with her back against the wall. Mercenaries usually meant someone was up to no good, and she didn’t want to risk charging in there. She approached the room quietly, and noticed two men standing in front of a couch where she’s guessing this MacCready was sitting.

“I was wondering how long it would take your bloodhounds to track me down, Winlock,” came a man’s voice -- MacCready’s, probably. Natalie poked her head and tried to get a better look at him. The men blocking MacCready were dressed similarly, in dark green clothes.  _ These guys are the mercenaries and this MacCready must have pissed them off somehow, _ Natalie thought. “It’s been almost three months…. don’t tell me you’re getting rusty,” MacCready taunted. “Should we take this outside?”

“It ain’t like that,” said the mercenary closest to the door. “I’m just here to deliver a message.” 

“In case you forgot, I left the Gunners for good,” MacCready said defiantly. Natalie sound hear the sound of him rising to his feet.  _ Oh my god he’s a mercenary too. Or was. _

“Yeah, I heard,” one mercenary said, unimpressed. “But you’re still taking jobs in the Commonwealth. That isn’t going to work for us.”

“I don’t take orders from you,” MacCready retorted.  _ He sounds young.  _ “Not anymore. So why don’t you take your girlfriend and walk out of here while you still can.”  _ Definitely young. _

“What?!” came the voice of the mercenary to the right, startled. “Winlock, tell me we don’t have to listen to this shit…”

“Listen up, MacCready,” Winlock said threateningly. “The only reason we haven’t filled your body full of bullets is that we don’t want a war with Goodneighbor.” The man sucked in hard through his nose. “See, we respect other people’s boundaries… We know how to play the game. It’s something you never learned.”

“Glad to have disappointed you,” MacCready said sarcastically. Natalie craned her neck further out to try to get a look at him. She saw flashes of a yellow, ratty overcoat and dark, olive green pants, but otherwise, MacCready’s face remained elusive. 

Winlock chucked. “You can play the tough guy all you want. But if we hear you’re still operating inside Gunner territory, all bets are off. You got that?”

“You finished?” MacCready brushed him off.

“Yeah… we’re finished,” Winlock said gruffly. “Come on Barnes.” 

Natalie heard the shuffle of feet up ahead, so she darted back into the main room and pulled out her bag, pretending to look for something inside of it as the two menacing looking men passed her. Once they were on the stairs leading out, Natalie left her bag with Dogmeat (with a pat on the head) and headed into the room MacCready is in.

A somewhat scrawny man sat back in a chair, lighting up a cigarette and taking a drag. Natalie was right -- he was definitely younger, but not by much. She was only 29 herself, though approaching 30 in February, whenever the hell that was. He had bullets laced around his thigh, and had on a forest green cap, with two bullets in a band that went around the hat. He looked vastly different than the two other Gunners that just walked out. 

“Look lady,” MacCready said frankly as she approached him, his blue eyes staring at her hazel ones, “if you’re preaching about the Atom, or looking for a friend, you’ve got the wrong guy. If you need a hired gun… then maybe we can talk.” 

“Maybe,” Natalie said. Her voice sounded small. “Why don’t you tell me who those guys were first?”

“A couple of morons looking to climb the ladder of success by stepping on everyone else on the way up,” he said, taking another hit from his cigarette. “You shouldn’t be surprised though, that’s how it goes when you run with the Gunners.”

“I’ve only heard of the name. Who are they?” Natalie said, rubbing her elbow.

“They’re one of the biggest gangs in the Commonwealth. Got a rep for being crazy… you know, so tightly wound, you’d think they were a cult or something. Stuck with them for a while cause the money was good, but I never fit in. That’s why I made a clean break and started flying solo.” MacCready leaned back, stretching in his chair. “Now, what about you? How do I know I won’t end up with a bullet in my back?”

“You don’t,” Natalie smiled, and MacCready’s eyebrows raised. “That’s part of the risk, right?”

“Can’t argue with that,” MacCready replied with a small smile. He leaned forward, extinguishing his cigarette in the ashtray next to him and placing his elbows on his knees. “I’ll tell you what. Price is 250 caps… up front. And there’s no room for bargaining. What do you say?”

Natalie exhaled, looking down at the mercenary.  _ Am I that scared that I’m really resorting to hiring mercenaries?  _ “Everything’s negotiable,” she smiled, eyes staring confidently at his.  _ This always worked with the defense counsel, let’s hope it still works here.  _ “Would you take 200?”

“You drive a hard bargain,” MacCready said, standing up to face her. He was a few inches taller than she was. “But you just bought yourself an extra gun. All right boss… Let’s get out of here.”

MacCready grabbed what appeared to be a sniper rifle that was leaning up against the wall and holstered it on his back. He followed her out to where Dogmeat was with her pack. Dogmeat got up and wagged his tail when he saw the duo. Natalie bent down and pulled out her pouch of caps and counted out 200 caps before letting them fall into MacCready’s hand.  _ Preston’s gonna kill me _ , she thought as MacCready put them away in a pouch of his own. She picked up her bag and motioned to Dogmeat to follow her, and the trio made their way out into the night air.


	7. The Merc and the Lawyer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie and MacCready stop for the night after Goodneighbor and share a heart-to-heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! My classes are starting on Monday, so this will be one of the last "fast" updates that I have for this fic. Rest assured the fic will not be forgotten, and I'll be working on it in between classes and during my lunch hour at work. But I expect the updates to taper off to maybe 2 or so times a week. I don't want to make the fic --too-- long so I might make it a series, who knows? Anyway, please feel free to leave comments and thoughts below and let me know how I'm doing!

Natalie walked into the night air of Goodneighbor, the decision weighing heavy on her heart. Preston had given her the caps to use as an emergency only, and she felt like garbage for spending nearly all of his money. Not to mention the fact that she just ‘bought’ the services of a mercenary! Why did she even need a hired gun?

Natalie turned to look at the mercenary and Dogmeat, who just stepped outside behind her. Dogmeat was sniffing his pack curiously while MacCready pretended to tease the mutt.

“You looking for a treat boy?” MacCready said eagerly, leaning down more to Dogmeat’s height. Dogmeat barked happily and wagged his tail, and MacCready let out a soft chuckle. “Hey boss, I think your dog likes me.”

“Yeah,” Natalie smiled sadly, closely monitoring their interaction. She still had no idea if she could trust this mercenary to begin with. She turned away from them, meandering into the unkempt street.

“You okay?” she heard MacCready call from behind her, followed by the sound of quick footsteps. Within an instant, the mercenary was keeping in step with her on her left. 

Natalie chuckled. “I thought you said you were the wrong type of person to go to if you want a friend,” she observed.

“ _ Asking _ how someone is doing when they’re acting f-- really weird is suddenly a friendship only thing?” he muttered sarcastically.

“You should speak up,” Natalie said, irritated. “It’s unbecoming to mutter.”

“Okay, look,” MacCready said forcefully, stopping in his tracks. Natalie stopped, hands on her hips with a sour expression. “If you don’t want my services, fine. Take your caps and go.” He jutted his hand in his pocket to fish out the caps. Dogmeat whined, sitting in between them and watching them with a curious expression.

Natalie sighed, rubbing her temples. “Look, sorry,” she muttered, not wanting to argue. “I didn’t mean it okay, I’m sorry. This is all new to me and I’m a little overwhelmed.”

MacCready flicked his eyes up at her, the brim of his hat casting an eerie shadow across his face. “New to this?” Natalie sighed sadly and patted her leg, and Dogmeat stood at her side. 

“I’m a vault dweller,” she called over her shoulder as she started walking towards the exit of the town.

“Well, yeah, I saw the Pip-Boy,” he snorted. “You’re not the first person I met with one of those bad boys.”

The trio got to the door to Goodneighbor when MacCready stopped them. “Are you like, fresh out the vault or something?”

“You could say that,” she smiled half-heartedly, before opening the door to the Commonwealth. 

“Is this your first time on the surface?”

“Why all the questions?” Natalie smiled.

“I’d like to know who I’m potentially taking a bullet for,” MacCready said, adjusting the sniper on his back.

“Or you’re just being friendly,” she teased. Dogmeat bumped up against her leg.

“Lady---”

“Natalie.”

“ _ Natalie _ ,” he articulated. The sound of her name rolling off his tongue made her smile to herself. “What are you doing on the surface to leave your cozy little vault?”

Natalie said nothing for  _ hours _ , the silence growing between them as they made their way through the dark streets of the Commonwealth. The only sound was the sound of their footsteps.

“We should stop for the night,” Natalie said matter-of-factly, gazing up at the decrepit old house. Part of the roof was obliterated, and the door barely hung on its hinges, but the bottom floor looked relatively dry in case it rained.

“Sure boss,” MacCready muttered softly.

They made their way into the house and found it surprisingly devoid of anything that wanted to kill them. There were even two old mattresses and a couch on the old, splintered hardwood floor. Natalie tried to imagine what the house looked like in its glory days. Did it house a family? A single mother? Or…?

“I’ll take first watch,” MacCready’s voiced pulled her out of her thoughts. She watched him as he went up the stairs, two at a time, and heard a  _ thud _ as he perched himself near the opening of the broken roof.

Natalie sunk against the wall on the floor below, sighing sadly against her hands. Dogmeat laid down in front of her protectively.

_ I suppose it isn’t so bad, _ she justified to herself, flipping absentmindedly at the channels of her Pip-Boy. The lime green interface strained against her eyes.  _ He doesn’t seem so bad. Dogmeat likes him I guess. And it’s always helpful to have more hands. Like Nate-- _

Natalie pulled her knees to her chest and laid her head down. She could do nothing to stop the tears from flowing, though she tried to keep her voice down. God she  _ missed _ them. She’s never felt so alone in her life. What good is a lawyer going to do after nuclear fallout? She has no skills and she’s probably going to get herself killed before she finds Shaun and Nate’s killer. 

But the saddest thing to her was how  _ normal _ all this lunacy was to everyone else. Whereas she sees an old, hopeless house, MacCready or Preston would see  _ normalcy _ . This rugged, violent landscape was completely normal to these people. It completely blew her mind. The people of this Commonwealth has never seen green grass, or a movie at the drive-in with a bowl of popcorn. They’ve never been grocery shopping, or spent all day waiting in line at the DMV just to get your license renewed. Hell, they’ve never even seen a  _ functioning car _ . 

Natalie wiped her eyes from under her glasses, and choked back another sob as she reached into her pack to get something to eat.  _ Feeling sad? Eat your heart out.  _ Natalie shook her head, smiling sadly. She pulled out a small box of puffed sweets that somehow survived the apocalypse and was still in eatable condition after 200 years. She popped one in her mouth while she watched Dogmeat’s stomach go up and down from his breathing. She was about to pop another in her mouth before she took a deep breath and stood up.  _ He deserves an apology.  _ The clutched the box and got up.

Dogmeat made no sound -- he was out like a light -- when Natalie ascended the stairs of the old house. She found MacCready with his back against the wall, his right leg draped over the side of the house where a wall definitely was in a past life, and his left leg stretched out in front of him. His hat hung low across his face, and Natalie paused at the top of the stairs.

“MacCready?” she asked, soft as a mouse.  _ What if he’s sleeping? _

“Mmmm,” he hummed, alert. He pushed his hat back on his head properly and surveyed her at the top of the stairs. “Something wrong boss?”

“Uhh,” Natalie stammered, suddenly embarrassed. Her cheeks flushed a rosy red to match the noticeable puffiness of her eyes.

“You finally ready to talk?”

Natalie nodded, a lump forming in her throat. She sat, back against the wall directly opposite of him. He stretched out her legs in front of her. There were only a few inches between their feet, but it was difficult for her to see his face. She gently placed the box on her side and said nothing for a while, looking at the roofs of other houses through half-lidded eyes. MacCready didn’t press the issue.

They set in silence for a while, before Natalie said so softly that MacCready had to strain to hear her, “I’m over 200 years old.”

He turned his lead to look at her, but her focus was steady at buildings off in the distance. The moonlight reflected her glasses and touched her hair, giving it a brilliant red sheen. His eyes flickered over the long scar going down the left side of her face and he wondered just how she got it. His eyes roamed down to her chest, where he noticed the blue jumpsuit under her unbuttoned red flannel shirt that looked three sizes too big for her. The Pip-Boy on her left wrist looked too large for her frame, and gave off a dull humming sound.

He waited for her to add more, but when he realized that was all she was going to say about that subject, he adverted his gaze to the night sky. “Seriously?”

“I was alive before the war,” she finally said, turning her head to look at him. His eyes locked with hers. “Before the bombs. Before this.”

“How is that possible?”

Natalie smiled, though the smile didn’t reach her eyes. “My… my family and I were elected to go to Vault 111. We barely made it in time. And then they froze in these… in these pods. I woke up 200 years later.”

“...wow,” he said incredulously, taking his hat off to run his hand through his hair. “And I’m guessing you just woke up?”

“Yeah,” she said, pressing her left leg to her knee and resting her arm on it. She winced for a moment at a sharp pain that shot through her side, but quickly brushed it off. MacCready watched her curiously. “My…” She rubbed her nose before clearing her throat. “My husband. And my infant son.”

MacCready’s features softened, his lips pressing into a frown. “Oh. Are they okay boss?”

Natalie’s expression told him the answer to his boneheaded question, but he waited for her to speak. “No,” she said hoarsely, swallowing the lump in her throat. “They killed my husband. I saw it. And they… they took Shaun. They took my baby.”

“Who’s they?”

“I don’t know,” she said, voice cracking. “I don’t know MacCready. He had a scar and a gun and there was someone else dressed in a weird white suit…”

“Hey, I’m sorry,” MacCready said softly and compassionately. She believed him. Somehow, she believed that he truly was sorry. “Forget I said anything boss. It’s none of my business.”

“I thought you said you wanted to know who you were potentially taking a bullet for,” she smiled, and MacCready couldn’t help but smile back. “Well, here I am. Natalie Meadows, at your service. I’m out of place, out of options, and just… holding on for tonight.”

“Heh,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “Robert MacCready. You hired the best damn sniper in the Commonwealth.”

A few moments of comfortable silence passed, before Natalie said softly, “I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” MacCready smiled whole-heartedly. “You’re going through some sh-- stuff. I understand.” He put his cap back on his head. “Maybe on our way to our next place we can exchange stories. I mean, uh, if you want to of course,” he added quickly.

Natalie grinned. “I’d like that.”

“Good,” he laughed.

She stood up, brushing the back of her jeans and picking up the container. She walked over to him and squatted so she was eye-level to him. MacCready noticed her dazzling hazel eyes underneath her glasses. They were a mixture of golden brown and green. She gently placed the box on his lap before smiling warmly. “Goodnight, MacCready,” she said quietly, before standing up straight and going down the stairs without another word.

MacCready watched the stairs after she left, before turning his attention to the small box. He popped one of the sweet puffs in his mouth, chewing softly. 

Somehow, he knew there was more to the cynical vault dweller than meets the eye.

This trip definitely wouldn’t be boring.


	8. Raiders on the Farm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie and MacCready share some intimate moments, and Natalie loses another person she grew close to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: (somewhat) graphic depictions of violence throughout the last 1/3 of this chapter.
> 
> Sorry for this crappy chapter. I fumbled over it for almost 3 days, scrapped it, re-wrote it, scrapped it again and I'm like "eff it" and I'm going to post what I have. This chapter is based on something that actually happened in my playthrough, and I wanted to incorporated in my fic. Hope at least some people like it. 
> 
> It's also come to my attention that I have weird typos in previous chapters. I'm used to Microsoft Word telling me that I wrote "she" instead of "the," but I'm typing this in Google Docs and it's not doing that. I proof-read it as best as I could, but with only 1 set of eyes, I'm sure I missed some. I'm terribly sorry for any confusion. :(

“So there’d be this, like, menu…. Document thing, right,” she said excitedly, placing one foot straight in front of the other as she slowly floated down the rusty railroad tracks. She held her arms straight on either side, balancing herself as she stared at the ground, talking to the mercenary who was doing the same thing behind her. “And you would pick from this ‘menu’ what you wanted to eat. And a person who works there would come to your table and you’d tell them what you wanted, and after some time they’d come out with food. You’d eat, pay, and leave.”

MacCready was focusing on trying to copy her movements, but she made it look almost effortless.  _ She doesn’t have a heavy sniper on her back _ , he chuckled to himself. The sunset warmed the side of his face, making it just a little difficult to see, but he kept his blue eyes steady on her. He began to notice things with her that he hadn’t really paid attention to before, like  _ just _ how red her hair is ( _ It’s auburn, she told him bitterly one day _ ). Or how she always kept her Pip-Boy tuned to Diamond City radio, albeit very softly, like background noise, and hummed to the familiar songs. Or how, when they passed by certain places, she took a moment to pause, gazing at the building with a pained look, remembering a distant, dusty memory. 

Or how her gold wedding band was still on her left hand.

“Damn boss. That sounds like paradise. Even better than Takahashi’s Power Noodles?”

Natalie looked backed with a small smile,  not stopping her pace. “Mac, just… Cake, okay. And ice cream. Those two things alone put Power Noodles to shame.”

It had been about a month and a half since she had picked up the merc at Goodneighbor. They’d done some odd jobs for caps, and his demeanor was beginning to rub off on her (though she’d never admit it outloud). She found herself using her quick thinking and charm to squeeze just a few more caps out of people when they did jobs, and MacCready was pleased.  _ Guess I have skills after all. _

Their traveling wasn’t alone, however, and they met some friends along the way: a French Mr. Handy robot named Curie (it took a lot of convincing to get MacCready to follow her into the vault, but he wouldn’t open up on why. Secretly, it took a lot for her to go into the vault too); a newspaper reporter named Piper in Diamond City; and a really fucking hot Irish woman who could beat the shit out of you and you’d thank her named Cait.

Much to MacCready’s annoyance (and sometimes anger), there was also Paladin Danse, a member of the Brotherhood of Steel. MacCready’s eyes widened in disbelief when Natalie agreed to join the group, before a look of disgust spread across his face. Natalie said she had her own “rhyme and reasons” for joining them, even after MacCready had pulled her aside and told her the things they’d be known for doing.

_ Boss are you f-- friggin’ crazy? Are you sure about this? _

_ MacCready… It’s okay. They’re the only ones that can possibly help me get Shaun back. Just look at them. _

_ But boss-- _

_ That’s enough MacCready. Just… stop. Please. _

MacCready dropped the subject after that and never brought it up again.

With the help of Preston, the trio had agreed to help settlements across the Commonwealth, and their notoriety with the Minutemen grew. Natalie insisted that her first priority was the Minutemen over the Brotherhood, though MacCready grew increasingly sour as she would leave him in Sanctuary Hills to do missions for the Brotherhood with Danse. Still, she was first to offer help to the people of the Commonwealth when Preston rushed to her with news, so, I guess he couldn’t fault her for that.

Though he grew increasingly frustrated at sitting on his hands in Sanctuary Hills.

To pass time when she was out with Danse, he would help Sturges and the gang fix up Sanctuary Hills. Natalie expressly forbid anyone except Codsworth to enter her home, and MacCready respected her wishes, though he had to admit he was a little bit  _ curious _ . He couldn’t see much through the windows except some broken chairs, a worn sofa and a television. On the kitchen counter sat a small radio.  _ She loved her music _ . That’s all he managed to sneak a peek at before Codsworth shooed him away like a bloatfly hatchling.

But now they wandered on the tracks -- a moment in time-- with the ugly thoughts of the Commonwealth pushed from their minds. It was just them. Throughout the month, they exchanged stories of their own worlds. She told him all about pre-war Massachusetts, and he told her some rather  _ colorful _ stories of how the Commonwealth is now. He couldn’t quite imagine how the world must have been before the bombs, but she tried her best to make every story exciting and lively, and he loved every story she told. He imagined that she shared a similar feeling every time she passed by old, blown out houses, and he tried his best to make light of the whole situation. He found himself increasingly looking at the same house and trying to imagine it in her pre-war eyes.

“So Mac,” she called from over her shoulder. “Tell me, what do people do here for bathing? Because right now I’m bathing in an irradiated river, and I have to wonder, if in 200 years, someone, somewhere, had figured out how to purify enough water for bathing...?”

MacCready let out a throaty laugh, stepping down from the tracks in order to walk on the solid ground near his boss. He didn’t notice how Natalie’s cheeks flushed, thanks to the glare of the setting sun. “Well, there’s some sh-- crappy pipes,” he chuckled, flipping a cap absentmindedly as he walked directly beside her. “You can fill up a tank with purified water and have the water run through the pipes, but it’s not exactly stable you know.”

“Meaning…?”

“Meaning you better get used to that river,” he laughed, pocketing the cap.

She stopped, getting down off the tracks and standing to face him. She was  _ short _ , even shorter than he was -- she was probably no more than 5’2”. Still, her personality matched her hair color (as he learned through their travels). She cocked her head to one side, smiling in that all-too-familiar  _ knowing _ smile that sometimes made his heart flutter. “So you mean no one, in 200 fucking years, managed to get some sort of piping or, or  _ aqueduct _ system in place?”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”

“You’ve never heard of an aqueduct?” she mused, not taking her gaze off him. His eyes flickered to the long scar that went down the left side of her face, down to her lips. They weren’t chapped like his, but were starting to show the wear of the Commonwealth air.  _ I wonder if they’re as soft as they look. Whoa whoa whoa MacCready... _

She noticed that he wasn’t looking directly at her, so she bent her head so he was forced to look in her eyes. “Earth to MacCready,” she said in a sing-song voice. “Is there intelligent life up there?”

“What, oh sorry,” MacCready apologized, settling on her eyes as she straightened her head again. “I was just thinking about how ‘aqueduct’ sounds like the name of something about of a comic if you say it slowly. Like a superhero or something. Ahhhh-quayyyyy-duct to the rescue!”

Natalie rolled her eyes, though not unkind. “I used to read comics between undergrad and law school. I wish I had time to read in law school, but my first year, I had this one class…”

But MacCready wasn’t listening. There was something metallic reflecting off the bridge behind her. He narrowed his eyes, then widened them when he saw the figure in the metal chestpiece with a very, very large gun, pointed right at them.

“GET DOWN!” MacCready barked as the missile came sailing towards the duo. He threw his arm over her back and slammed them both hard into the ground as the missile soared past them, hitting a decrepit bus that was a few feet behind them. The blast singed their faces, and Natalie started coughing uncontrollably as smoke filled her lungs. She covered her head with her arms, eyes screwed shut as the blast violated all her senses.

When she opened her eyes, she was trembling and her heart was hammering in her chest. MacCready had his right arm tightly over her back, shielding his face with his arm. He was so close to her that she could smell a mixture of cigarettes and Nuka Cola on his breath. He stared directly in her eyes, fear expressive in his baby blue eyes. Natalie’s equally fearful hazel eyes glared right back. She blinked. Her breath hitched in her throat. They were somehow completely uninjured, though the bus had certainly seen better days.

_ Stay _ , he mouthed wordlessly, before removing the sniper from his back and removing his arm from her back. He scooched behind a piece of the bus that had conveniently flew near their location and rested the barrel of his sniper on the smoking piece of metal. Natalie watched, frozen, silent tears forming in her eyes. It certainly didn’t take her much to cry anymore. Every day, she feels herself breaking, just a  _ little _ bit more…

MacCready looked through the scope, concentration lining his face. Natalie stayed laying on her stomach, but started to crawl towards the merc. Without removing his gaze from the scope, he held out one long pointer finger in her direction.  _ He was telling her to wait. _

Natalie was too afraid to move her head towards the bridge. She felt the bile rise in the back of her throat and felt like throwing up.  _ This isn’t my world anymore. I don’t belong here anymore I don’t belong here I don’t belong-- _

BANG. Natalie jumped out of her skin and quickly turned her head in the direction of the bridge. She covered her mouth when she saw the body of a person on the bridge tumble lifelessly through the air, like a leaf falling from a tree. It fell and fell and then… Nothing.

Natalie slowly turned to look back at him, her head buzzing with unspoken words. MacCready said nothing to her, instead using his scope to field what remained of the bridge. Once he was satisfied that that was the only loon shooting fucking missiles from a bridge, he holstered his sniper on his back and stood up, looking at Natalie, who was still on the ground. She was as white as a sheet, staring at him with wide, fearful eyes through her glasses.

“Boss?”

She shook her head no, scrambling to her knees and finally standing up, her whole body feeling positively  _ cold _ . “You--” she breathed, lip trembling.

He walked over to her, concerned and pretty damn confused. “I what?”

“How did you…?”

“You impressed yet?” MacCready said smugly. “I told you I was a damn good shot.”

“Actually, I’m quite impressed,” Natalie said softly, looking at him like it’s the first time she’s ever seen him. Color rose on the back of MacCready’s neck, and he rubbed his neck furiously.

“Yeah… I thought you might be,” the mercenary smiled. The smile reached his eyes and Natalie felt goosebumps travel up her arm. “I’m completely self-taught, you know. Picked up a sniper rifle when I was ten and I never looked back. Always thought it was smarter to hit my targets at long range. I mean, why take the chances, right?” He motioned his head towards the bridge. “Besides, I had to come up with every trick in the book to survive the Capital Wasteland.”

_ Capital Wasteland _ . She’s heard the name from a few passing travelers when they were last in Diamond City. “What were you doing in the Capital Wasteland?” she asked, running her fingers through her hair in a sorry attempt to fix it. The sky was beginning to get dark. Either it was passed sunset, or a storm of some sorts was about to blow through.

“I was born there,” MacCready said distinctly. “Lived underground in a place called Little Lamplight with a bunch of other kids. Left there when I was around sixteen. We kind of had a policy there… no adults. When you were sixteen, you packed up and left.” He saw the look of disapproval on her face. “I know it sounds crazy, but having adults around was something we couldn’t trust.”

Natalie put her hands on her hips. “I’m almost 30 -- I think -- and I can barely survive out here. How can a bunch of kids survive without help?”

“Everyone pulled their own weight,” he said like it was the most natural, obvious thing in the world. “Just like a colony you’d find anywhere, we all had our designated jobs and we watched each other’s backs. Can you believe I was actually the mayor for a while? Me? Crazy, I know.”

Natalie’s expression softened.  _ This isn’t my world anymore.  _ “Pretty brave, a bunch of kids living alone like that.”

“I don’t know. Looking back on the whole thing, I think we were just lucky. Anyway, I know I told you like… the basics of this, but I want to tell you the rest,” he said sheepishly. “When I hit sixteen, I ended up wandering the Capital Wasteland for a while. I took the odd job here or there, but things were pretty hot with the Brotherhood of Steel running the show.” Natalie’s look told him to  _ move on from that subject quickly _ . “So I hitched a ride with a caravan and made my way north until I ended up here. Made a pretty decent name for myself before I heard that the Gunners needed some sharpshooters. Biggest mistake of my life.” He noticed that Natalie had moved a little closer in his direction. “They were animals. Killed anything that moved if it got in their way. I went with it for a while, because the caps were good. But, I dunno, I guess it started to catch up with me… so I quit. Which pretty much brings us to now. So there you have it, my whole life in a nutshell.” She was just maybe a foot or so away from him now.  _ What is she doing? _

She cast her eyes down at the ground between them, before placing her hands behind her back and bouncing on her feet. “Sounds like the road can be a lonely place,” she said, still not looking at him, in a timid voice he’s never heard come out of her mouth before, “until you meet someone to share it with.”

“I… well, I… uh…” MacCready stammered, heart pounding in his ears. His cheeks flushed a bright red, unsure how to respond.  _ Is she? No she isn’t. She can’t be. She wouldn’t. Is she???? _

Natalie looked up at his face, and he noticed the crimson color on her cheeks too. Before he could say a word further, she quickly turned away and started walking in the direction they were originally heading, her head down.  _ What the fuck did I just say?  _

“Hey, wait,” MacCready jogged to catch up with her. He reached out and grabbed her elbow, and he pretended not to feel her tense under his touch. “Look, I know I tend to be a pain in the ass… I mean, I know I tend to be arrogant and I come off like I want to be alone.” He took a deep breath, not letting go of her elbow. She still isn’t looking at him. “Nothing can be further from the truth. Being alone, it scares the heck out of me. Now that we’ve been traveling together for a while…” He cleared his throat. “I’m beginning to realize how much I missed having someone I could depend on. I just… I just wanted you to know that I’m going to do everything I can to see that it stays this way. I promise.”

“Okay,” she breathed. MacCready couldn’t help but feel like he fucked up. Natalie couldn’t help but feel like she royally fucked up.

“Nat--”

“HELP! RAIDERS ARE ATTACKING!”

The duo instantly craned their necks in the direction of Finch Farm, where they were originally heading before the shit hit the fan. Natalie had grown close to the Finches after rescuing one of their sons, and Natalie made it a point to visit when she could. Abigail was one of the few people she could call “friend.” They could vaguely make out the faint outline of someone wildly waving their arms, who obviously noticed the pair on the road. 

They bolted in the direction of the farm, the sound of gunfire becoming clearer as they neared the settlement. Natalie whipped out her now-modded 10mm pistol, aiming it in front of her as they neared closer to the farm. Her husband’s flannel shirt lashed behind her in the wind that was picking up, exposing the yellow “111” of the vault suit she wore underneath. MacCready trailed behind her, loading his sniper expertly as she watched her race into the settlement.

The Raiders seemed like they were coming from the direction of Saugus Ironworks, though Natalie was  _ positive _ she secured that building when she rescued the Finch son. A thick, heavy rain began to pour over the farmland, which, MacCready knew, spelled trouble for Natalie and her damn glasses. 

Holding her 10mm with two hands, she fired at an attacking raider sloshing through the farm; the bullet sunk into his leg, and the man fell to his knees, his blood saturating the already wet mud. Natalie got closer to the crippled man and launched two more bullets in his chest, killing him. She ran her hand through her slopping hair, trying to get the strands out her face so they wouldn’t stick to her glasses.  _ Not like I already can’t see out of them… _

MacCready heard commotion coming from the trees across the road, and saw another Raider -- or two -- ducking behind the trees, firing at the settlers at Finch Farm. MacCready would normally like to take his time and set up his sniper for a pristine shot, but there was no time. Pressing the stock against his shoulder, he aimed as quick as he could without sacrificing too much accuracy and fired at the men. The recoil hurt the shit out of his shoulder and arm, but that's what Stimpacks are for. There’d be time for that later.

The sound of the sniper made Natalie swing her neck in the direction of the noise. She watched MacCready fire and fire and  _ fire _ at the Raiders while the settlers did their best to shoot their pipe pistols at the men and she felt her heart beaming, though she didn’t know if it was from pride or adrenaline. She heard shouting from behind the original farm house, where she built additional wooden shacks with the help of Preston what seemed like years ago, and she ran to investigate.

Two Raiders were using the shacks as cover, shooting mercilessly at the settlers behind the farm house. Abigail Finch was there with her husband, Abraham, defending their homestead from the assailants with their modded pipe pistols. Natalie steadied herself as she launched herself into the fight, since the rain was causing the ground to get slippery. She took a deep breath and lifted her gun, firing at the one on the left side of the shack who stupidly had no head covering on (neither did she, but that’s neither here nor there). The bullet grazed the side of the shack and Natalie cursed under her breath as she kept firing and firing. She furiously rubbed her glasses with the back of her hand, but it only made them fucking worse, but it was still better than trying to aim accurately with no glasses at all.

From the other side of the farm house, MacCready and a small amount of settlers emerged, having killed the Raiders who were attacking the front. After a hailstorm of bullets, the attacker on the left let out a large groan and slumped against the house, his blood splattered against the side of the shack. All attention was now on the last Raider, who was wearing metal chest, arm, and leg pieces and was seemingly more skilled than the other Raiders. 

The Raider fired once at a settler near the river, hitting her square in the chest. She clutched her chest, her blood dripping onto ground, before falling lifeless face-first on the sand. Natalie felt her blood run cold. She didn’t even get a chance to introduce herself to the woman.  _ I don’t even know her fucking name and she died protecting this farm. _

Abraham’s attention turned to his fallen comrade, which is the opening the Raider needed. With one less bullet flying in his direction, he ducked his head around the corner and fired at him. The bullet sunk into his left shoulder. Abraham screamed, clutching his shoulder, and Natalie ran towards Abraham; the “NO!” that came from MacCready stopped her dead in her tracks, a few feet away from the couple. Abigail dashed towards her husband.

Everything felt like it was in slow-motion. Natalie’s ears were ringing and her eyes stung. MacCready was trying to move left, around the other shack, to possibly get the Raider from behind. The Raider fired again. The bullet travelled towards  _ towards _ Abigail, up high… All Natalie could do was take a step forward and fire a useless bullet towards the Raider who was already once again under cover. The bullet hit Abigail in her temple, and she immediately fell backwards onto the wet sand, her blood spraying over her injured husband. She was dead.

“ABIGAIL!”

“Wh--”

“HOW COULD--”

“MS FINCH!”

Natalie was seeing red. She ran forward, carefully stepping around the carnage, and fired over and over again, walking progressively closer to the killer. Abraham sunk to his knees next to his dead wife, his grief outweighing the pain of the bullet lodged in his shoulder. Her eyes flickered towards the space in between the shacks, where she saw MacCready coming up behind the Raider. No. She wanted to do this. She walked, hypnotized, firing continuously at the man. She yanked a new cartridge from her pack and hastily reloaded her gun. The man fired at her, but missed, instead striking the dough-like sand near her feet. 

She sprinted the rest of the way towards him, grabbing his hands and striking them against her upraised knee, causing him to drop the gun. She elbowed him  _ hard _ in the face, and Natalie heard a sickening  _ crack _ as she broke his nose, his blood flowing freely from it. It wasn’t enough of blood to make up for all the blood he spilled.

She threw her 10mm on the sand behind her and punched him in the face. And again. And  _ again _ . The man fell to back, and Natalie straddled him, plummeting her fists into his face. The man raised his arms protectively, so she grabbed a knife from her back pouch and submerged it into his arm. And then his other arm. 

MacCready was a few feet away, watching the havoc with his mouth open. She just didn’t want to kill him. She wanted to kill him  _ slowly _ . A small crowd of battered settlers appeared on the other side of the shack, watching Natalie rip into aggressor. Abraham’s wails echoed in Natalie’s ears as she continuously stabbed the man’s arms.

Her heart hammered in her chest. She was high on adrenaline. She raised and lowered the knife like a grim reaper, claiming her victim. The man’s arms fell on his sides, bloodied. The blood from his arms seeped into her wet jeans, staining it -- probably permanently, though she didn't care at this point. She dropped the knife onto the sand behind her and continued her assault with her fists, her knuckles swollen and bloody.

“How -- dare -- you --” she said through gritted teeth between punches, her eyes on fire. “You attack -- my family -- my friends -- I have nothing left -- you took Shaun -- you took Nate -- you took  _ everything _ from me -- my home -- my life --” The man had fallen into a state of unconsciousness. Natalie got up, saying nothing to her audience, and grabbed the knife and pistol from the sand. She pocketed the bloody knife and walked over to the body. She aimed at his head. 

“Go to hell.” 

_ BANG. _

MacCready’s heart hammered in his chest. He’s never seen her like this, like a goddamn  _ angel of death _ . She momentarily looked at the body before holstering her pistol, walking past the crowd and to where Abraham was sobbing over his deceased wife. MacCready quickly holstered his sniper, his mouth suddenly dry, and met up with her, hanging back as she spoke to Abraham. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He’s sure she felt his eyes burning into her, but she didn’t say anything to him. He wasn’t fearful, no, it was a  _ different _ feeling… one of slight admiration, one of empathy, one of sympathy, one of…  _ something _ . 

“Abraham…” Natalie’s voice was distance, strained, and full of sorrow. Yet somehow, also full of compassion. “Let me see your shoulder. Please.”

“Abigail,” he sobbed, his hot tears mixing with the downpour. Natalie walked behind the kneeling man, gently prying his fingers away from his shoulder. She couldn’t see an exit wound.

“Abraham,” she said pointedly. “Abraham hon I know you’re… upset right now…” She was trying to selectively choose the right words, but her head was buzzing. “But we need to get this bullet out, it’s still in your shoulder.”

“My wife--”

“Do you want to join her?” she said pointedly. He turned his sorrowful eyes towards her and said nothing.

Daniel and Jake rushed to their father, dragging him to his feet and inside the main farm house. The rest of the settlers either tended to the fallen woman or meandered into the two shacks and shut the doors. She couldn’t blame them for needing to get away.

Natalie looked down at the lifeless body of Abigail. She noticed how much her knuckles stung. She didn’t dare look at them. 

“Boss…” came MacCready’s voice from over her shoulder. She heard his footsteps getting closer and stop, before she felt his presence to her immediate right.

“I should have done more,” she croaked.

“Boss there’s nothing you couldn’t have done. Those sh-- boneheads did this. Not you.”

“I should have put up more defenses.” Her voice sounded defeated.

“No no, boss…  _ Natalie _ …” She looked at him. Her eyes were red and puffy. “Natalie,” he repeated, his face falling.

She started to sob. Loud sobs that shook her whole body. She was crying for Abigail, for her son, for her husband, for her home, for the Commonwealth, for the  _ world _ . She was crying because she had to -- because she needed to.

Then, she did something unexpectedly.

She turned towards MacCready and collapsed onto him, crying into his chest. Her hands, shaking, held onto the front of his yellow coat as she sobbed, cried, and screamed into oblivion.

MacCready was certain she could hear just how hard his heart was beating. But he took his arms and wrapped them around her shoulders and let her cry. He rested his chin on the top of her head, catching the scent of her hair, which somehow smelled  _ sweet _ , despite the stench of the Commonwealth. He closed his eyes, feeling her shake under his arms, a feeling of uselessness creeping into his heart. She pulled him tighter to her.

They stood there, in the pouring rain, her sobs buzzing in his ears. He wasn’t sure where the rain ended and her tears began. Her Pip-Boy hummed softly on her wrist, the soft song becoming more apparent as her cries slowed into sniffles.

_ I wake up in the morning and I wonder _

_ Why everything's the same as it was _

_ I can't understand, no - I can't understand _

_ How life goes on the way it does. _

_ Why does my heart go on beating _

_ Why do these eyes of mine cry _

_ Don't they know it's the end of the world _

_ It ended when you said: goodbye. _


	9. Med-Tek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie helps MacCready get a cure from Med-Tek while she struggles with her feelings towards him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, classes started. Have some fluff.

December rolled into the Commonwealth, soft and quiet like the breath of a beautiful dream. In the time passed since Natalie’s ‘outburst’ at Finch Farm in late November, she elicited the services of a synth detective named Nick Valentine (whom she approached with caution and fear, MacCready realized, though she didn’t say it to the synth’s face) to help her find Shaun. She sat in Nick’s office, shoulders heaving as she cried and told Nick her story of what happened to Nate and Shaun. MacCready could do nothing but lean against the wall, cigarette hanging from his mouth, arms folded in front of him. She didn’t know that he knew exactly what kind of pain and grief she was going to. That was a song for another day.

Nick pointed to a man named Kellogg who had once lived in town. Natalie initially protested when Nick said the kid was about ten years old, thinking the child couldn’t possibly be her Shaun; but Nick convinced her to check out the lead anyway. When they unceremoniously broke into his apartment, all they found were more questions. With the help of Dogmeat (who was all too eager to help), they tracked down his scent to a broken building, far west called Fort Hagen. 

Natalie turned to face him once they reached the building, Dogmeat bumping up against her legs. “Hey, uh, Mac…” she said somewhat awkwardly, stepping close to him. She wasn’t looking at face, but instead at her arms that were folded across her chest. “I think… I mean, I want….” She let out a sigh. He stepped closer to her. Nick decided it would be a wonderful time to check the side of the building.

“Yeah boss?” His heart began to race again. It races every time she’s close enough to him that he could smell the sweetness coming from her hair. 

She bit her lower lip, and MacCready’s heart practically  _ jumped _ out of his chest. She locked her eyes onto his, and MacCready felt his mouth go dry. He said ‘boss’ out of habit. Out of admiration. It seemed like ages ago that she paid him to travel with her, but he doesn’t think of her as his employer anymore. He hadn’t for a while, though he’d never tell her. It was never brought up between them, but he wonders at night when she’s sound asleep and he’s on watch if she could ever possibly think about him the same way. He felt like he’s known her forever. But now... He just wanted to reach out and trace his thumb down her scar, to heal her wounds, to hold her and tell her it would be okay, to…

She cleared her throat. “I need to do this. With Nick.” She took another deep breath, the words fumbling from her mouth. “I’m sorry. Please go back to Sanctuary Hills with Dogmeat. I’ll meet you there, I promise.”

His head was buzzing with unsaid words.  _ What if something happens to her? What if she gets hurt? What if what if what if…  _ “Well, if you think that's best, I suppose it’s okay,” he said with a hint of distaste. He turned on his heel, whistling for Dogmeat to follow him, and the pooch proudly strutted to MacCready’s side.

“Mac.”

“It’s fine,” he said over his shoulder, beginning his long walk to Sanctuary Hills.

“ _ Robert. _ ” MacCready froze.  _ She’s never called me by my first name before. _

There was a moment of silence between them, before Natalie mumbled, “Be safe.”

MacCready smiled, grateful that she was behind him and couldn’t see his face. “Always am boss.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He made the trek to Sanctuary Hills in  _ two days _ , thanks to some shortcuts that he made up as he went along. He was grateful for Dogmeat’s presence; he wasn’t quite sure if he could ever travel alone again.

For the remaining five days, he paced restlessly on the cracked pavement of Sanctuary Hills, his anxiety increasing tenfold with each passing day.  _ It should not be taking this fucking long. _ Piper had tried to talk to him on the fourth night, but he blew her off. The next morning, he apologized.

“Look, I just… It’s been  _ five days _ since Fort Hagen. What if something happened to her? This Kellogg as--  _ person _ ,” he spat, “probably kidnapped her kid. He’s dangerous Piper.” He looked at her earnestly. “And now it’s been five days. It shouldn’t take this long.”

Piper crossed her arms in front of her chest, smiling out of the corner of her mouth. “You like her.”

“W-- what?”

“You like her, admit it,” she smiled. “No one else is this anxious except you.”

His cheeks flushed the color of her coat. “Well they should be, it doesn’t take five days to clear a building,” he muttered.

“Blue will be fine,” Piper said affectionately. “You know Blue. You probably know her better than anyone else here. She has some demons to face.”

MacCready didn’t comment, instead choosing to remove his cap and run his fingers through his hair, scratching at his scalp. 

Piper continued. “She just… needs time. Nick Valentine is with her. She’s fine, MacCready.”

“Yeah…” he said, his voice drifting as he put his cap back on. “Yeah, you’re right.”  _ Maybe if I say it enough, the knot in my stomach will go away. She’s fine, she’s fine, she’s fine… _

“Hey,” Piper said, smiling warmly. “Wanna help me with something I’m planning for when Blue gets back?”

“What is it?”

“Well, Christmas is just two weeks away…”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was almost a week after his initial arrival in Sanctuary Hills before MacCready heard the familiar whir of the Vertibird overhead. He turned his attention to the deafening sound, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. Dropping the crude gardening hoe, he practically sprinted to her drop off location, just over the rickety bridge into town.

He stood on the bridge, watching her jump out and wave the Vertibird away. MacCready momentarily covered his face from the wind as the Vertibird took off, turning his attention to Natalie, who was walking towards him on the bridge. His eyes swept over her figure.  _ No real injuries _ , he sighed in relief. Her flannel shirt was open and began to show signs of wear. She didn’t wear her usual blue jeans anymore after Finch Farm, instead finding a pair of black ones that were just a bit too big. Her left boot was untied. Underneath her flannel shirt was her vault suit, with a giant tear on her upper chest, just above her breasts.

As she got closer, he noticed a fresh, new scar on her face -- it cut into the right side of her upper lip.  _ That wasn’t there before. _

She stopped in front of him. Her eyes searched his, and neither of them said a word, before she dropped her bag on the ground and  _ hugged him _ .

He was expecting her to cry, but instead she just locked her arms around his neck, pressing her cheek against his chest. MacCready stood paralyzed before he put one arm around her shoulders, and held her upper arm with his other hand. The familiar sweet smell of her hair wafted through his nose and he had to do his best not to kiss the top of her head.

“Mac,” he heard her breath. “I was so worried about you. I was hoping you got here safe…”

He was stunned. This woman had the weight of the world on her shoulders -- she was building up the Commonwealth, finding her son, finding her husband’s killer, making difficult decisions, and getting mentally worn down with each passing day and  _ she was worried about him _ .

She pulled away, and he grabbed both of her upper arms, gazing intently at her eyes. “You’re worried about… me?”

She smiled whole-heartedly, color washing over her cheeks. He can’t fucking believe this. “Well, yeah, the journey back--”

“General,” came Preston’s voice from behind them. MacCready mentally cursed to himself and lowered his hands, and they turned to face him as the Minuteman walked up behind them. “General, are you okay? What happened with Kellogg? Is your son okay?”

Natalie smiled dejectedly. “I need a minute to breath and wash up. I’ll tell everyone tonight, okay…?”

The wait until the evening was  _ agonizing _ . MacCready sat lazily on a stool, leaning against the table behind him. His sniper lay on the ground by his feet. He had a million thoughts running through his head, and he rubbed his temple furiously.  _ Is Piper right? Am I just kidding myself? Do I actually like her? Could she actually like me? She’s warmed up since I first met her in Goodneighbor. Lucy…  _ They spent their nights out playing Blast Radius (there was a piece missing, so they made up for it with random objects she would make him carry; last time, it was a bottle of Wonderglue), or they’d make a fire and she’d sing loudly to Diamond City radio. She knew all the words to  _ The Wanderer _ and  _ Anything Goes _ . She would close her eyes and just… sing her heart out. She’d even sing to him, silly expressions streaming across her face, and he couldn’t help but laugh and join in. 

In a way, she reminded him of Lucy. Smart, quick-thinking… beautiful.  _ Lucy… Lucy… _

“Hey,” came her voice. The hum of her Pip-Boy infiltrated his ears as he looked up at her face, illuminated by the fire of the cooking pot to their right. It accented the scars on her face. His heart began it’s familiar  _ thud thud thud thud _ state, as it always did around her lately. She was no longer wearing the vault suit -- her flannel shirt was actually buttoned up.

“Hey,” he mumbled, moving over so she could sit on the stool next to him. They both sat in silence for a moment, watching the flames of the cooking pot. Beyond them buzzed the chatter of the residents of Sanctuary Hills. One of the things Preston, Sturges, and Cait had helped construct was a kind of enclosed eating area, with long tables and stools, all lit up with the help of a huge generator a few feet away. They called it the Longhouse. Shelves lined the walls, filled with various foods such as Sugar Bombs or Nuka Cola. Crates held their tato and corn harvest. It became a nightly gathering for the residents. They’d go here at the end of the day, grab a drink at the staffed bar (run by James, bless him), grab a bite to eat, and chat and unwind. MacCready and Natalie were tucked in the corner, watching people eat and laugh their day’s worry away.

“I found Kellogg,” she said, resting her elbows on her knees and turning to look at him. “Shaun’s with the Institute.”

His expression was hurt as the words absorbed in his skin. “ _ Damn _ .”

“Heh, yeah” she chuckled dejectedly, eyes cast down at the floor.

He leaned forward on his seat, in her direction. “What--”

“He’s at least ten years old Robert.” The words stung her lips. She looked at him, her eyes pained. “I missed it all. I missed… I missed his first steps, his first words. I missed teaching him how to read. I missed… I missed everything.” 

Her head dropped to her hands and she once again went silent. When she spoke again, her voice showed no hint of sadness. “I found Kellogg the same day I told you to leave. We cleared the building and I killed him after he told me about Shaun. I’d kill him all over again if I could. And then I… I just wandered with Nick for a few days. I had to clear my head, to think or…” Her voice trailed off, and MacCready shifted closer to her. “Nick decided to go back to Diamond City to see if he could figure out someway at the Institute. I wandered for another day… Then called a Vertibird to come back.”

MacCready didn’t say anything, and Natalie bit her bottom lip again. “Say something. Please. Anything,” she begged. “I’m used to you not shutting up and I n- need that right now.”

MacCready flickered his eyes across her face, searching. His lips curved into a soft smile. “So when do we get to kick his as-- butt?”

Natalie leaned back against the table; his eyes momentarily flickered down her chest before he quickly brought them back up to her face. She didn’t notice. “Stopping yourself from cursing again? Why do you keep doing that?”

_ Here it comes. _ “Yeah, I figured you’d ask me about this sooner or later,” he sighed, removing his hat and putting it on the table behind them. “It’s not about you. It’s about a promise I made.” He paused, searching her face again. She hung on his every word. “When I left the Capital Wasteland, I didn’t just leave Little Lamplight behind… I left my family behind.”

He watched a whirl of emotions in her eyes -- understanding, shock, anger, and what he thought was  _ hurt _ . He continued. “Had a beautiful wife named Lucy… and a son we named Duncan. He’s the one I made my promise to… a promise to clean up my act and to be a better person. I guess that sounds pretty stupid coming from a guy who shoots people for a living,” he smiled sadly. 

Natalie shook her head, running her fingers gently over the new scar on her lip. “I don’t know what to say.”

“ _ Natalie _ .”

She met his gaze, eyes shining. She smiled bitterly, though it didn’t reach her eyes. He knew it was an act. She knew it was an act. She was  _ pissed _ , but she tried to hide it.

“My son… he’s sick. I don’t know what’s wrong with him,” he stammered. “One day, he’s out playing in the fields behind our farm… the next he took a fever and these blue boils popped up all over his body. Last I saw he was almost too weak to walk. I didn’t dare ask him to come with me. Honestly, I don’t know how much longer he’s going to last.”

A swirl of emotions took over her gut. She wanted to shake him. To hurt him. To cry for him. To punch the shit out of him. She had lost  _ everything _ and here he just  _ leaves his fucking family behind?  _ She almost wanted to tell him to make his wife go ahead and cure him. His wife… It was an uncomfortable feeling. Natalie thought she felt a spark between them, but now she knew he was just trying to slooze on his wife. She berated herself for even letting her get remotely close to someone. He was this one spark of happiness and grounding she had in this fucked up world, she thought that maybe, just  _ maybe _ she might see how things went between them… No. Never again.

Her eyes hardened. She was about to open her mouth and let him have it for all the emotions he just put her through and all the  _ lies _ he made her feel, when she stopped. This was a child. He was sick. Probably around Shaun’s age -- she pushed past that thought. 

“There must be something we can do,” she offered quietly.  _ Only because it’s a fucking child. _

He smiled. “I was hoping you’d say that. A few months before we met, I bumped into a guy named Sinclair who claimed his buddy caught some kind of a disease. I thought he was wasting my time until he said his partner broke out in blue boils. They dug up information about a cure at a place called Med-Tek Research. They even managed to grab the building’s lockdown security codes. Unfortunately, Sinclair’s buddy died before they were able to break into the facility.” She folded her arms across her chest. Her glare was  _ icy _ . He continued. “I mean, there’s no way that’s a coincidence, right? Med-Tek has to be the place.”

She got up abruptly from her chair, before reaching down and grabbing his sniper. She placed it in his lap, looking at him with an emotionless stare. “Then let’s go.” She turned on her heel and exited the building.

MacCready watched the door close with a stunned expression, before scrambling to put his cap back on and sprint after her, holstering his sniper as he did so. She was walking fast in the direction of the bridge, fiddling with the map on her Pip-Boy, her bag already on her back and a rather large gun that MacCready didn’t know she even had. By the time he caught up with her, he was out of breath. 

“What you’re doing,” he managed to say between breaths, “no one’s ever cared that much about me before. For fu-- freaks sake,  _ wait _ .” He grabbed her arm and stopped her, and she whipped around to face him. Her expression was… clouded. Something was wrong. He took a deep breath. “Even if it takes me the rest of my life… I’ll repay this debt to you, I swear it.”

She raised her chin, almost defiantly. “I don’t think Lucy would like you saying that to me,” she almost hissed.

MacCready felt like he was just slapped in the face.  _ Oh _ . Before he could say anything, she ripped her arm out of his grasp and continued her way over the bridge, dropped a signal grenade to summon a Vertibird. She stood there, arms crossed, waiting. 

“Natalie,” he said, catching up to her. “Boss. Natalie.  _ Boss _ .” She still didn’t look at him. He was getting annoyed by her cold shoulder. “Boss, Lucy is--”

The rest of his words were drowned out by the propeller of the Vertibird descending from the night sky. It landed in front of them, and Natalie walked passed MacCready without looking at him. She got on and sat on the opposite side of the copter, her right leg dangling off the side.

The man in the power armor reached an arm out to help MacCready onto the copter. He took it and sat in the middle of the copter, facing her, his back against the cool metal wall. The man said something unintelligible due to the deafening sound of the propellers, and they were off. MacCready’s knuckles turned white as he held onto the handling bars towards the bottom of the wall behind him; Natalie seemed almost  _ calm _ and at ease. 

“BOSS,” he screamed over the sound. She didn’t hear him. Or if she did, she pretended not to. She wasn’t even looking at him, but was lost in thought at the tops of the buildings of what was left of the Commonwealth. 

It was about two long hours before the Vertibird hovered over Med-Tek. It was also pitch fucking black. MacCready released his hands from the bars, his arms aching from keeping them in that position for so long. He glanced over to Natalie. She had her eyes closed, her mouth slightly open. She looked so much as peace that he didn’t want to disturb her. When the Vertibird finally touched solid ground with a large  _ thud _ , Natalie blinked open her eyes before stretching and hopping gracefully out of the aircraft. MacCready followed her.

“Thanks Jamie,” she turned and waved to the pilot. The pilot gave a thumbs-up before lifting off into the night sky.

She removed her gun from her back, and MacCready realized it was a combat rifle. “Where’d you get that?” he asked, removing his sniper.

“Kellogg’s corpse,” she said bluntly as she walked over to the door of the deteriorated building.

They made their way inside, crouching low as they entered and hiding behind the old receptionist desk. She raised a delicate finger to her lips --  _ shhhhh _ \-- and they both waited in silence, the old sounds coming from their breathing. 

There was the distinct sound of footsteps up ahead, but they couldn’t hear any intelligible talking. Natalie poked her head up above the desk, but saw nothing.

“Boss,” MacCready said, voice barely above a whisper. “We don’t have to do this now. It’s the middle of the fu-- friggin’ night and you just got back.”

She turned to face him, leaning so close to him that he could feel her breath against his own lips. He almost dropped his sniper. “Your son needs help,” she whispered, her eyes lingering on his lips before snapping back up to his eyes. MacCready suddenly noticed just how chapped his lips were. “I’m sorry about Sanctuary. I was foolish. I’m going to help you cure your son. Are you ready?”

MacCready wanted to badly to just  _ kiss _ her right now, to hug her, to thank her, to  _ explain _ to her, but instead he nodded, gripping his sniper rifle. His hands were still shaking from just how close she was…

She nodded, cocking her rifle as she silently went around the desk, MacCready at her heel. 

The place was absolutely  _ infested _ with feral ghouls. The first  _ crack _ of MacCready’s sniper was a mistake, because they started to swarm the pair. As they got closer, MacCready resorted to smacking them with the butt of his rifle as Natalie did her best to pick off the ones getting nearest to him. 

“Mac!” she called in between breaths. A ghoul had charged at her and she hit it hard across the face with her rifle before lodging bullets into its chest.

MacCready started to back up, his face flushed with sweat as he tried to push them back. 

Panic set into Natalie’s nerves. She quickly fished in her pack and pulled out a frag grenade. 

“GET BACK! NOW!” she shouted, pulling the safety pin with her teeth and chucking it at the small horde that was approaching them in the narrow hallway.

MacCready practically tripped over his feet as the pair scrambled to move around the corner of the long hallway. They crouched down and Natalie put her rifle between her knees, holding her ears shut. 

The explosion shook them to the core, the radius blowing hot gusts in their direction. Then the sound finally stopped, Natalie further sunk against the wall and sat with her back pressed against it, peering out around the corner. MacCready sat against the wall next to her, breathing heavy.

As the smoke cleared, she saw the bodies of all the feral ghouls sprawled all over the ground. The explosion knocked out a portion of the wall, but the ceiling still looked steady. Thick black streaks marred the once white walls, and for a split second, Natalie thought of what this place looked like 200 years ago. The thought left her mind as quickly as it came.

She looked straight ahead, before turning to face the merc sitting at her side. Then, she started to  _ laugh _ .

MacCready thought she was off her rocker before he let out of throaty chuckle, watching her with gentle amusement. She laughed so hard that tears started forming on her now-grimy face and poured down her cheeks. She slid further down the floor until she was practically laying down, laughing at some joke that she only seemed to know.

MacCready thought she never looked more goddamn beautiful in her life. Her neck and upper chest were coated in a thin layer of sweat, the sheen apparent with the dim light overhead. The top button of her flannel shirt was unbuttoned and he could see her collarbone and her perfect skin underneath. Her hair looked like it had seen better days, disheveled and wild. Strands of it stuck to her face. He even thought her scars were beautiful. This angel was risking her neck, her  _ life _ , for  _ him _ .

He blushed when he thought of her, just like this, only he was on top of her, and her fingertips were scraping his back. She was moaning his name in his ear over and over and  _ over _ , her legs wrapped around him as he bit into her shoulder…

She looked at him and smiled warmly, before sitting up and shifting closer to him, her rifle in her lap. MacCready’s breath hitched when she took one hand and moved it over to his forehead, her fingertips grazing over his skin. Her eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“Are you okay?” she asked, cocking her head to one side. “You’re bleeding.”

He felt like he was on auto-pilot. This was just too much.

He reached up and brushed a strand of hair away from her face. He felt her freeze, her breath hitched. “I’m fine,” he murmured, not breaking his gaze. Her eyes searched his. She forgot to breathe. He cupped her face with one hand, and his thumb, softer than she would imagine it would be, traced the scar on her cheek. His hands smelled like gunpowder. Her heart was beating out of her chest. The air between them felt like static, and she could feel herself falling, falling hard, way harder than she should be.

Her cheeks flushed, before she looked away and got up, holstering the rifle on her back. “We should, um,” she stammered, pointing absentmindedly towards the hall. “Uh, get your… medicine for your son.”

MacCready nodded, holstering his sniper rifle. Ahead of him, Natalie ran a hand through her hair, exhaling slowly.

The hole in the wall was very convenient; it was the exact room they needed. Inside the wrecked room was a single computer terminal. MacCready rummaged through his pack to get a battered piece of paper with the security password on it, handing it to her with shaking hands. A few clicks on the keyboard was all the lawyer needed.

“I’m in. Room unlocked. Let’s go.”

“Let’s find our way down to the sub-level. That’s where Med-Tek should be storing the cure.”

Thankfully, it was a room they had passed when they first entered the building. Hopping down through some holes in the floor, the pair made their way to the room with the clouded glass. Natalie set to work on the terminal while MacCready anxiously paced nearby. They got in, killing a few more ghouls and destroying a turret (before Natalie found a way to shut the rest of them down, bless her), before making their way down an elevator to the bottom floor. For some reason, the elevator ride made Natalie’s stomach do a flip.

The bottom floor  _ reeked _ , and Natalie covered her nose and mouth in disgust, trying not to vomit. MacCready made a face of disgust.

“Ugh, smells horrible,” he said, crinkling his nose. “I think we’re the first ones down here in a long time.”

“Let’s just find what we need and get out of here quickly before I get sick,” Natalie whined.

They entered an interesting room - two floors, lined with rooms of what looked like patients (or, Natalie feared, test subjects). The windows have long been smeared with grime and dirt. Natalie rubbed one window hastily with her elbow and squinted inside. All she could see were the bones of someone’s friend, someone’s brother or sister, someone’s  _ family _ \-- complete with time-lost clothes and personal objects. She felt her heart ache.

“What the hell is wrong with these doctors?” MacCready spouted angrily from somewhere behind her. She felt her ears grow hot. “How the hell can they just  _ switch off _ their morality?!”

Natalie tossed him a fallen glance. “You could say the same thing about the world’s leaders in 2077.” MacCready stopped, ears hanging on her every word. “They cared more about lining their pockets than the state of the world. The people. I mean, they build these vaults so only a certain number of people can get in--” She gestured wildly around her, her voice growing more confident and firm. “-- and they know  _ damn well _ only a select group can. And the rest of the world can what? Just off and fucking die? When did we give permission for those in power to play God, to decide who is better to survive than others? When did we as a people turn a blind eye to the bureaucrats who decided that they’d rather risk their entire fucking populace for some shitty war that only results in the inhabitability of the world as we know it?! That morality has been gone for centuries MacCready. I’m just sorry that you had to grow up in it.”

MacCready watched her with his mouth slightly agape, his sniper loose in his hands. He’s never heard her go off on a tangent like this, but in that singular moment, he felt her pain and anger -- and how lost she was. He wanted nothing more than to pull her close and tell her that it’s going to be okay, that he would protect her. He just needed the right moment. “Why are you apologizing?” he asked, walking towards her.

Natalie shook her head. “It’s nothing. Let’s go.”

She hacked a terminal and opened the doors to the patient’s rooms. Some feral ghouls emerged -- thanks to their position in relation to them, however, they were quickly killed with just a few shots. They made their way further into the old building until they came across a centralized room locked behind yet another terminal. The windows to the room were dirty, but Natalie felt like this was the right room.

“Cover me,” she said briskly, her glasses reflecting the lines of green code from the screen. 

MacCready leaned against the wall next to her as her fingers danced across the keyboard, a smirk forming on his lips. “Where’d you learn that?” 

Natalie felt her cheeks blush, and the mercenary smiled a knowing smile, his eyes flicking from her eyes to her cheeks. She didn’t take her eyes from the screen. She smiled shyly, and he felt his heart begin to race. “I just… I worked at a kind of computer office building in administration when I was doing my undergrad. I’d get bored sometimes and I thought it was a useful skill to pick up.”

“Heh. You’re just full of wonders aren’t you?”

The familiar  _ ping _ of the terminal told him that she gained access to the door, but instead she just stared at him, her eyes somewhat wide, like she was trying to just understand. Her breath hitched.  _ You cannot like him. He has a wife. He’s also almost 8 years younger than you. He doesn’t like you. He’s just fucking with you. You cannot do this Natalie. Where’s your logic? Go through this with rational reasoning on why this cannot happen. _

What came out of her mouth, however, was a stammering of sounds. She tucked her hair behind her ear, her eyes darting everywhere but him as she felt her whole face turn red. “Uh, n-no I’m not I’m just little old Natalie Elaine Meadows, nothing special to me, no sir.”

MacCready looked almost  _ smug _ before he tossed her a smile, lifted his sniper, and slid open the freshly unlocked door. An alarm sounded, and she scrambled behind him for her 10mm, dropping it and picking it up hastily before moving up behind him. Feral ghouls awoke from the sound of the alarm, but they were slow and the duo managed to clear the room with relative ease.

MacCready fumbled putting his sniper on his back in haste while Natalie holstered her 10mm. He ran to the tables and began frantically tossing things every which way.

“Come on it’s -- it’s  _ gotta _ be here, please let it be here, please…”

Natalie jogged to the other side of the room, looking at all the little tubes and syringes. “What does it look like?”

“I don’t fu-- friggin’ know!” he snapped as someone glass fell to the floor and shattered. She heard him take a breath. “Sorry. I don’t know.”

They searched in silence for a few minutes, minus the occasional sound of breaking glass and papers flying about, before Natalie made her way towards the counters in the middle of the room. She scanned it wildly, looking for  _ anything _ before she spotted a fat red syringe with a dark blue stripe under a worn folder. She picked it up gingerly, turning it in her fingers with furrowed eyebrows. 

“Hey Mac,” she called, and he at once snapped to her side. “I think…”

“Are you sure?” His voice was overwhelmed with desperation.

“I can’t be  _ sure _ , I’m not a doctor,” she grunted. “But it looks different from the other syringes. I feel like this is the one.”

MacCready took it from her hands, his fingers brushing against hers. He held it up square in front of him, sizing it up, before his mouth opened and he began to breath heavily, tears forming in his eyes.

“I can’t--- this is---” His voice cracked under emotion. His tears flowed freely, tears of relief, joy, and happiness. Natalie looked at the ground, then back up at him, smiling widely. He put the syringe down on the table before he pulled her into a tight hug, one that took her breath away. He shook in her arms, his arms wrapped around her tightly, his face buried in the top of her head. “Th-thank you, thank you so much, thank you thank you  _ thank you _ .” 

He fell to his knees, startling her as she went on her knees with him before wrapping her arms around his shoulders, closing her eyes, her head near his neck. “It’s okay RJ,” she said soothingly, her hand making small circles on his back. His breath hitched momentarily at the sound of ‘RJ,’ which she’s never called him before. He shivered at the feeling of her breath, hot against his neck. She pulled away, her hands grasping his upper arms. “How do we get this to Duncan?”

He wiped his face with the back of his sleeve, looking at her sheepishly. “I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to pay you back for this… I owe you big time.”

Natalie smiled, lowering her hands. He suddenly missed her touch. “I don’t know, you’re already running quite a tab,” she teased.

He laughed, wiping his eyes again as the last tears dried up. “I know I am. I’ve always been better at taking than giving. Maybe one day I’ll learn to get my priorities straight. Anyway, the last step ahead of us is getting the cure to Daisy in Goodneighbor. With her caravan contacts, she’s the only one I trust to get this to Duncan on time. This is the last favor I’m going to ask, I promise.”

Natalie stood up, brushing the dust off her knees as MacCready did the same. “Then we have a Vertibird to catch.”

Back outside, Natalie called a Vertibird and it wasn’t long until the pair were in Goodneighbor. The sun had come up, and Natalie realized just how  _ exhausted _ she is. They’d been in that building for hours. MacCready was brimming with energy and practically jumped out of the copter, rushing to the shop owned by the ghoul. Natalie had to run to catch up.

“MacCready,” said the ghoul, who Natalie just noticed had hair. She thought ghouls had no hair. “I haven’t seen you in a while. You haven’t been avoiding me, have you?”

“Now how can I stay away from someone as cute as you, Daisy?” Natalie averted her gaze to admire a nearby crate, suddenly feeling awkward.

“You’re a lousy liar, but I’ll just play stupid and pretend I don’t know that,” Daisy said warmly. “So, what do you need?”

“I got it, Daisy. I found the cure to Duncan’s disease.”

“Oh my god!” Daisy said, eyes wide. “That’s wonderful news! How did you do it? Last time you tried, the ferals almost chewed you to bits.” Natalie cocked her head to one side. She didn’t know that MacCready had tried to go once before, and by the sound of it, he had tried to do it alone.

“I didn’t do it alone. My friend here got me through Med-Tek.” He nodded his head in the direction of Natalie, who was quietly near the corner. Daisy turned her gaze to Natalie. MacCready continued. “Now, all I need to do is get the cure into Duncan’s hands. Can you help me?”

“Of course MacCready. You’ve saved my behind more than once, it’s the least I can do.” Daisy looked at Natalie, who was wearing a concerned expression. “It’s okay, you can trust me. I swear I’ll get the cure to Duncan.”

Natalie cast a sideways glance at the mercenary, before stepping casually over to the counter. “Circle it back around. What did MacCready do to help you out?”

“Running a business in a town like Goodneighbor is a challenge. Let’s just say I’ve had my share of unfriendly customers and MacCready’s been there to help me handle the situation.”

Natalie let out a soft sigh. “I don’t have a problem with it.”

“Then it’s settled,” Daisy smiled. “I’ll get the sample on the first caravan leaving the Commonwealth. The driver owes me a few favors and he’s reliable. It will arrive at your homestead in no time, MacCready.”

“Thanks,” MacCready said, relieved. “You’re a doll.” He stretched his arms overhead before walking into the morning light.

Natalie turned to follow him, but Daisy stopped her. “Hey, do me a favor,” Daisy said, her voice growing softer. “Take care of MacCready for me. He’s one of the good ones.”

Natalie blushed, nodding at Daisy before following MacCready out into the open air. The Vertibird was still waiting nearby.

“Why don’t we head back to Sanctuary Hills and get some sleep? I feel like I can sleep for days,” Natalie yawned, rubbing her eyes under her glasses.

“Anything you want, just say the word,” MacCready said earnestly. “Let’s go.”

The pair boarded the Vertibird, the sound of the propellers sinking into her exhausted head. Within a few hours, they had landed at the budding community. They hopped off, walking over the rickety bridge as the Vertibird flew into the blue sky.

“Mum!” Codsworth floated over to them almost immediately as they crossed over the bridge. “Miss Natalie you look absolutely terrible. Can I fix you up something to eat? Are you properly hydrated?”

Natalie smiled, not stopping her hike towards her house. “I’m fine Codsworth. I’ve been up for a long time and I just need to sleep.” She glanced sideways at MacCready, who also looked like a trainwreck (a happy trainwreck, but still a trainwreck). “Please tell everyone not to disturb my house so we can get some sleep.”

MacCready looked at her.  _ We? _

“Of course mum,” Codsworth said happily. “I’ll have some stew on the fire for you for when you and Sir MacCready awaken. Please come at once to the Longhouse when you’ve both awoken. I know Miss Piper was eager to speak with you on your arrival.”

Codsworth took off in the direction of where the tato plants were growing, behind her suits of power armor, as MacCready’s heart thumped progressively faster.  _ We? We. She said we. I’m sure she said we. _

“Mac?”

He didn’t realize that they were already in front of her house. She had one hand on the doorknob and was looking at him expectantly. 

“Err…”

“Did you hear anything I just said?”

“No?”

Natalie sighed, her tongue quickly darting out to lick her dry lips. MacCready eyed her mouth. “I said that you can stay on the couch. There’s two right here on the right. I’ll be in the bedroom.”

“...ah.” She rolled her eyes, smiling, before opening the door to her home.

It struck him all at once that she’s  _ letting him into her home that she doesn’t allow anyone else to go into _ .

The house was a typical house that he’d seen a million times over, but for some reason, this house seemed so much more special and warm. And practically untouched. He could tell that she tried her best to leave the house in almost the exact way it would have been to her 200 years ago. To MacCready’s right was an old red sofa, a coffee table, a television and a sofa chair. A kitchen table was in front of him, complete with four chairs, though two chairs were broken. She boarded up the side door with wood.

Natalie motioned to the sofa. “I mean, I used to sleep here when I was sick when I was pregnant with Shaun,” she explained, motioning to it with her hand. “If you don’t -- I mean, if you choose not to--”

“Relax. It’s perfect,” he said, setting his sniper down behind the couch.

Her eyes flickered between him and the couch. “Good,” she said awkwardly, backing up towards the hallway. “Um, if you need me… My, uh, bedroom is the last door on the left. The first door on the left is my bathroom if you, you know, need to use it.” She bounced on her heels, exhaling deeply. “Anddddd the first door on the right is kind of a storage room for now. If you need ammo or anything like that you’re free to, uh, look at it. Yeah.”

MacCready smiled, removing his hat and tossing it on the counter.  _ She’s godddamn adorable. _

“Oh!” she said, jogging off towards the rickety kitchen counters. She opened up a top counter and pulled out something before placing it in MacCready’s hands. He looked down and noticed they were near-mint Grognak the Barbarian comics! She put her hands behind her back as he looked at her with a stunned expression.

“They-- they look so---”

“They were Nate’s,” she smiled, leaning forward towards him. “I was going to toss them out, but I remember you said you liked them, so I kept them. They’re yours.”

He looked at her incredulously, and holy crap did he want to kiss her right now. “Boss… You don’t have to,” he said, though he couldn’t contain the excitement in his voice.

She looked down at the ground, smiling. “It’s Natalie,” she corrected.

“Natalie,” he said softly, like velvet. She felt her stomach flip. “Thank you.”

They looked at each other for a few seconds, her heart racing. Her eyes flickered once again to his lips before snapping up to his blue eyes. The air between them became charged, again, and she just wanted to step forward and press against his lips...

She suddenly grinned, apples of her cheeks red, before backing once again towards the hallway. MacCready ran a hand in his hair. “It’s nothing,” she blushed, retreating into the hallway. “Sleep well. I’ll see you at dinner.” With that, she disappeared down the hallway. 

MacCready looked at the comics in his hands, stunned, before placing them on the countertop and grabbing his hat. He kicked off his shoes, flopping on the couch with a  _ fwomp _ , the movement kicking up just a small layer of dust from under the sofa. 

He rubbed his hands over his eyes before placing his hat over his face. Within minutes, he was drifting off to a land where he was with her, and there was nothing preventing them from being together.


	10. Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie accepts what's been holding her back this whole time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. This is a long chapter. 21 pages on Google Docs!
> 
> But, here you are - the (one) moment you've all been waiting for ~
> 
> until later, of course ;) ;) ;)

A particularly loud snore woke MacCready in an instant. He fumbled to get the hat off his face, wiping the drool running down his face. He leaned over in a sleepy haze, and promptly fell off the sofa and on the floor. 

He muttered a string of unintelligible curses as he stood up, wiping the sleep from his eyes. He looked towards the window and blinked. It was dark out, and the soft glow of the fire in front of the Longhouse was the only thing illuminating the area. He rubbed his eyes again, fixing his hat on his head, when he suddenly realized where he was.

_ He was in Natalie’s house. _

Her house was dark, and MacCready realized that it was also very quiet. The generator either broke or someone turned it off because all he could hear was the very very faint sound of laughter and talking coming from the direction of the Longhouse across the cracked street. 

He looked in the direction of the hallway. No light. He carefully walked passed the old couch, trying not to make a sound, before his foot accidentally kicked his fallen sniper rifle and made it sail into the wall with a hard  _ thunk. _

He cringed at the sound and waited.  _ I’m a guest in her goddamn house and here I am destroying sh-- stuff. _ When he heard no sound coming from down the hallway, he proceeded down it cautiously.

He peered into the bathroom, pausing to imagine how it must have looked like to her 200 years ago. The mirror was surprisingly in tact, and he tried to imagine her fixing her hair in front of it when she was late to a meeting in Boston. He imagined her bathing newborn Shaun in the sink. He imagined Nate wrapping his arms around her. The last thought made him surprisingly uncomfortable, so he tossed it as soon as it came in and continued down the hallway.

He stopped as he approached her doorway. He could clearly see her bed and her, but she was still asleep. She was mostly on her stomach but also partially on her left side, her right arm dangling off the side of the mattress. She had graciously taken (well,  _ stolen _ ) blankets and pillows from Vault 81 because they were in such good condition, so she was covered in white blankets. It looked like a cloud around her body. Her glasses were off, and she looked so goddamn peaceful. So goddamn  _ beautiful _ , like Lucy. 

He leaned against the wall, watching her gentle breathing for a few moments, a loving smile plastered on his face. If someone had told him two months ago that he’d be this enamored by the red-headed, short, yet fiery 200 year old lawyer, he’d have laughed in their face. He sighed softly before turning his head towards the room opposite of her bedroom and he felt his heart shatter.

He gravitated towards the room and stood in the doorway, his expression pained. A small blue crib with a mobile sat in the corner. The rug was tattered with holes in it. Toys were scattered around the room, old and wore like an escaped dream. He walked into the room, bending down to pick up a worn book. “You’re SPECIAL!” was on the cover. He traced the cover with his thumb, feeling his stomach turn. He had thoughts of Duncan as a baby, Lucy holding him tight to her chest and singing him to sleep. He remembered how Duncan had spit up on him when he first held him, and Lucy’s hearty laugh. He remembered how she would rock him to sleep in her arms, reading a book almost just like this to him, until he closed his chestnut eyes. He remembered all the skinned knees and bruises he kissed to make everything feel better.

Then he thought of Natalie, holding Shaun in this room as she hummed softly to the music of the mobile to lull Shaun to sleep. He thought of sleepless nights watching over his crib. He thought of Nate, holding Shaun high in the air as he blew playfully on his belly, much to Shaun’s delight. Nate, Nate… He tried to mentally form a picture of what he looked like as Natalie described him. Long soft brown hair, hard jaw, blue eyes, stubble…

Oh.  _ Oh no _ . He knows exactly what he looks like.

“I take it you slept well?”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, dropping the book to the floor. “I’m s-sorry,” he stammered, guilt coursing through his veins. He turned to face her. “I shouldn’t have come in here boss, I’m sorry.” She was leaning against the doorway, and he could tell her arms were crossed in front of her. She fiddled with her Pip-Boy before a gaudy green light flickered on, illuminating MacCready and making the ghosts that much more prominent.

She didn’t  _ look _ angry, at least, but the light cast an eerie glow across her face. She walked towards him, and now he could see that she looked sad. She looked down, flicking her tongue over her dry lips before speaking. “This was Shaun’s room,” she said softly. She motioned her head over to the large chair directly in front of him. Propped up on the chair was a rather large book. “That’s a business law book. I used to study case law while rocking Shaun to sleep, right in that chair.”

He didn’t take his eyes off of her.

When he didn’t say anything, she looked into his eyes and smiled. “You’d be surprised how much you can read about the uniform commercial code while rocking a sleepy baby, and yet absorb next to nothing.” 

“What’s the--”

She laughed, putting her hand in front of her mouth. “Oh RJ. You’re something else.”

His eyes searched her face. His eyes tried to memorize every feature of her perfect face, this goddamn angel in front of him. 

She smirked, turning her head a little to one side. There was a different look in her eyes as she trailed her eyes up and down his frame. “RJ,” she said flirtatiously. His breath hitched as he felt his feet guide him closer to her. 

“Yeah boss?” he said, his mouth suddenly dry.

“Piper wanted to see us.”

He’s mentally screaming at himself at this point. He wants to tell her so bad, to hold her and kiss her until she’s breathless, but he feels so guilty right now that he’d definitely just fuck it up. If he could just...

She smiled once more at him, before turning on her heel. Her footsteps echoed down the hallway, and he heard the door open and shut. 

He slammed his fist against the wall, gritting his teeth. “God-friggin- _ dammit _ ,” he barked at himself, placing a hand on his face as he braced the wall with his fist. His chest heaved. He knew what he had to do.  _ For her _ .

On his way out of the house, he grabbed the comics from the counter and carefully packed them in his bag. This is one gift he doesn’t want to ever damage. He picked up his sniper from the ground and holstered it on his back. It felt particularly heavy today.

Outside, the air had a certain crisp to it. He breathed in deeply before opening the door to the Longhouse. 

“ _ MAC! _ ” she shrieked from across the room, in front of the makeshift Christmas tree.

Piper had decided that they were going to bring Christmas to Sanctuary Hills as a surprise for Natalie. While Natalie was gone to get Kellogg, MacCready and the rest had helped her scour for supplies (a particularly angry molerat tried to attack Piper while they were out east as she was picking up aluminum cans). After bribing Carla for lights she happened to have with her when she rolled into town, she sold it to him at a 20% discount, which still took a huge chunk of his caps. He didn’t bat an eyelash at the emptiness in his pocket. Piper grinned as he and Sturges hung up the multi colored lights along the walls of the Longhouse as Danse and Cait had put up a ‘tree’ made of green aluminum (and they only fought six times, Cait bragged). Curie and Preston had managed to kill a Radstag and haul it back to camp, and Codsworth and Marcy (much to everyone’s surprise) were trying to figure out how to cook a feast with what they had. The rest of the settlers in camp did their best to scrub the Longhouse clean.

When she ran to him, her eyes shining. He grinned, hoping he didn’t look too guilt-ridden. “Mac,” she breathed, searching his eyes. A single tear fell from her hazel eyes. “You… Piper told me how you helped her. And that you spent all your caps on them....” 

He shrugged, trying to play it cool as he felt the heat rise in his cheeks. “It’s nothing boss. I heard you liked them, so…”

She wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. “Thank you RJ. Thank you so much.”

He wrapped an arm around her, turning increasingly red as nearly everyone in the Longhouse looked towards the pair. He cleared his throat and Natalie pulled away, grinning. She looked truly happy. 

Her face fell once she more closely looked at his face. “What’s wrong RJ?”

“I, uh…” He looked anywhere but her, locking her gaze on Piper, who was staring back at him. 

“You don’t like it?”

“No no Nat, it’s not that,” he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I, uh, need to leave. For just a little while,” he added quickly. “I need to leave now so I can get back in time for Christmas here.”

She narrowed her eyes in concern, shaking her head as she searched his face. “Leave? What? Why?” Piper came over and stood behind her, wearing a confused expression.

“I can’t tell you,” he muttered, eyes cast down at the ground as he adjusted the rifle on his back.

Natalie shook her head no again. She looked confused, upset, and hurt, and it was hurting MacCready in his very soul. “No, no you can’t leave,” she breathed. “We just got back. Where are you going?”

“I’ll be back.”

“Robert…”

“I promise,” he said, reaching for the handle behind him.

He stepped out in the air, his heart racing as he walked at an increased speed towards the bridge. He heard the door open and close behind him, then the sound of footsteps. At once, Natalie appeared in front him, her eyes wild and angry.

“What are you  _ doing _ ,” she spat, shoving him back angrily. He stumbled backwards a few steps. “We just got back. You refuse to tell me where the fuck you’re going. And you’re going alone. Tell me,  _ right fucking now _ , where you’re going. RIGHT NOW.”

“I  _ can’t _ , okay?” he said angrily. “It’s something I gotta take care of on my own. I can’t get you involved. I will be back, okay? I promise you Natalie.”

She folded her arms in front of her chest. She looked like she wanted to cry. “Why are you doing this?”

“You’ll see when I get back,” he said with a half-hearted smile. He dug into his pocket and pulled out something and held it in front of him. “Take this,” he said. She stretched out a hand and he dropped a small wooden soldier figurine in her hand. It looked worn. All anger was gone and replaced with confusion as she turned it over in her hand.

“What is--”

“I’m going to tell you when I get back. Hold onto it for me, okay Nat?”

She looked at him, tears falling from her face. “W-will you take Vertibird grenades? I’ll radio in that you can use them with my authorization.”

“No offense Nat, but I’d rather not use the Brotherhood.”

She would normally comment, but instead she said frantically, “Take Dogmeat.”

“Nat…”

“Actually no.” She locked onto something behind her, and MacCready turned to see Piper standing there. He didn’t even know she was there.

MacCready protested. “Oh no. No no no. If anything happens to her…”

“And if anything happened to  _ you _ ,” she said through tears. “Piper, please. I can’t…” She struggled to find the words, then finally said it. “I can’t deal with losing anyone else.”

MacCready stared at her, mouth open.  _ Did she just say…? _

“Okay Blue,” Piper said, grabbing MacCready’s arm. He was still staring at Natalie incredulously. She finally got him to move, and Piper and MacCready walked past Natalie, who was staring at the ground.

“Natalie,” MacCready breathed, grabbing her arm, causing them to stop. She wouldn’t look at him. He grasped her upper arms, looking down at her auburn hair. He was short, but she was shorter, thankfully. His thumbs traced small circles on her arms. “Nat.”

She reached into her pack and pulled out two small white and black grenades. “Piper,” she called. MacCready let go, his heart sinking as Piper walked up to Natalie and took the grenades. “Please.”

“Okay Blue,” Piper said soothingly, putting the grenades in her own pack.

She finally looked at him. Her eyes swirled with heartache and bewilderment. He felt his own heart break under his chest. “I meant what I said,” she said, doing her best to mask the pain in her voice. “I don’t know what you’re doing or where you’re going or why the fuck you have to go at this fucking minute, but… I trust you to come back in one piece okay?” She held out her hand in front of her.

He looked at her outstretched hand before pulling her into a hug. Swallowing hard, he kissed the top of her head. He heard her breath catch in her throat. Her throat that he just wanted to kiss and nibble until she was gasping for breath. “You’re…” He swallowed again, feeling his hands begin to shake. Should he tell her how he felt? “You’re the best… The best thing that’s ever happened to me in a long time. I’ll come back.”  _ Well, I tried my best _ .

With that, he stepped away, Piper at his side. He shoved his hands in his pockets, not looking back, head down. Piper walked next to him in silence as they made their way over the bridge and towards Red Rocket, which was empty.

Piper walked in front of him, stopping him dead in his tracks with an angry expression. “What the hell was that MacCready? What the hell is going on?”

MacCready looked back over his shoulder at the trail. “She’ll be fu-- friggin’ pissed if I told her.”

“Then tell  _ me _ . What the hell is going on?”

MacCready looked at her, his eyes dark. “Her husband. Shaun. I recognize her husband.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked, bewildered.

“The Gunners have a family photo of them, Piper. We raided this place two years ago. I need to get it back.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the days since Piper and MacCready left, Natalie felt like she was descending further into a place she didn’t want to go.

She spent 99% of her day worrying about MacCready and Piper. She would pace back and forth, chewing her bottom lip with a worried expression. When she wasn’t pacing, she was on the guard tower facing the bridge, a combat rifle in her hand, replaying his adorable kiss on her head over and over again. Her fingers would gingerly trace the outline of the wooden soldier in her pocket.

By the third day, Danse had convinced her to do some training with him. She took out her frustration on him as he tried to teach her close quarters combat (not in power armor, of course). 

This morning session was getting nowhere. She leaned over in her black tank top and baggy dark green pants, panting hard as sweat poured from her flushed face. She looked up at her mentor, equally flushed, sweat glistening off the muscles of his biceps. 

“You’re not concentrating, Knight,” he said in between breaths. He had on a white tank top and black pants, his dog tags glistening in the sun. She was reminded of Nate’s own dog tags, and she felt her stomach flip.

“I… can’t.”

“Yes, you can,” he insisted, folding his arms across his check. “Don’t let minor distractions get in the way of your duty, Knight. You need to focus.”

“Dammit Danse,” she muttered, sitting on the ground and pushing her hair out of her sweaty face. 

He sighed, watching her with a hard expression before sitting down on the ground next to her with a  _ plop _ . They said nothing, instead watching the ripples of the river in quiet serenity.

It was Natalie who broke the silence first. “What if they don’t come back?”

“Knight.”

“I gave them Vertibird signaling grenades. How are they not back yet?”

“They’ll be-- you did  _ what _ ?” He looked at her with a distasteful expression.

“Sorry for breaking protocol,” she mumbled, getting up and wiping the dirt from her ass. She started walking towards her house, scratching her arm, when he reached out and placed his large hand on her shoulder. She stopped, looking straight ahead.

“Knight,” he said, sighing. “I am sure they’ll be back anytime now. I know you’re worried about MacCready, and Piper. I can assure you that they will both be perfectly fine.”

Natalie nodded before walking out of his grasp and to her house, almost slamming the door behind her. She staggered onto the couch, the same couch he was sleeping on just days before. She turned on her side, closing her eyes and taking deep breaths.

_ No more crying. No more worrying. He may be young but he wraps rings on what you’ve done. It’s his world. He knows what he’s doing.  _

_ What if he’s going to see Lucy? _

_ That’s irrational, and impossible, Meadows. He said he left her in the Capital Wastelands. _

_ He can easily get there with a Vertibird… _

_ But he initially did not want to use a Vertibird. And he probably still doesn’t. Let’s hope Piper sees the light. _

_ He loves her. _

_ I know. _

She got up, rubbing her eyes behind her glasses. She was being stupid. All this shit is just too fucking complicated for her. She shouldn’t be having these feelings, especially for a young merc when she was nearing 30 years old, who has a wife and child God knows where. He was mouthy, sarcastic, and had really bad teeth. He made so many puns and cheated at Blast Radius (he, of course, denies it). 

And she loved every little bit of it.

“Fuck everything,” she muttered, playing with her wedding ring. She took a deep breath, sitting up on the couch.

She heard a knock on the door. She wiggled her fingers and got up, trying to snap herself out of this weird mood she was in. She opened the door to find Preston standing on her doorstep.

“General, I’m sorry for disturbing you,” he said carefully. “We received word from Nick Valentine. General, he’s got a lead on the Institute.”

Natalie’s eyes widened, and she put a hand in front of her mouth. “Are you certain? Are you sure?”

“I’m positive,” he smiled. “Just received the transmission. He’ll be waiting at his agency for whenever you’re ready.”

Natalie fought back tears. She might have to way to get Shaun. “Thank you Preston,” she said, voice cracking. She couldn’t stop grinning.

“Of course General,” Preston said, nodding. 

A loud sound was heard overhead, and Natalie went outside to look up with Preston at the invading sound. A Vertibird was directly overhead, kicking up strong gusts of wind that caused them to shield their eyes. The copter hovered for a just a few seconds before gliding to its normal landing area across the bridge. 

Natalie grinned excitedly at Preston, feeling like a high school teenager all over again, before running as fast as she could through the street and towards the bridge. But the scene in front of her made her stop dead in her tracks, feeling like she was just dumped into a bucket of ice water.

Two power-armor clad Brotherhood Paladins were each holding onto half of MacCready, who was unmoving between them. Piper jumped out of the copter next, complete with a black eye and split lip. Her clothes had new tears in them. Piper waved at the Paladins, and then all three came racing across the bridge.

Preston appeared at Natalie’s side, watching the scene unfold. Natalie felt like every limb was paralyzed. Her hands felt like ice. But she couldn’t cry.

Once the group crossed the bridge, Piper ran to Natalie and hugged her tightly. She smelled like gunpowder and blood. Natalie didn’t hug her back, her eyes glued to MacCready. Everything felt like slow motion. She turned her wide eyes to Piper. “Wh…?”

“Blue,” she said, her voice hoarse, grabbing Natalie’s arm so they were following the Paladins. Preston came on Natalie’s other side, keeping pace with the girls.

“Here,” Piper pointed to the old house to the right of Natalie’s where several beds were. The room was adorned with a lantern, several chairs, and several crates full of medical supplies like Med-X and Stimpacks. The Paladins laid MacCready gingerly on a bed before promptly exiting the building. Paladin Danse had joined the group as the Brotherhood left.

Natalie stared wide-eyed at the unconscious mercenary. He had a bloody nose and blood coming from his swollen lip, which was turning purple. Cuts dotted his face, with a particular nasty scrape on his cheek. Blood was caked on his shirt and pants. If she didn’t know better, she’d have thought he was dead.

Piper threw the guns she had on her back -- including MacCready’s sniper, Natalie realized -- on the ground carelessly before plopping into a chair with her face in her hands.

“Go get Curie,” Natalie said to one in particular. When no one moved, she turned to face Danse and Preston, who were near the doorway. “Did I fucking stutter?” Both men left in a hurry.

There was an uncomfortable silence between the girls. Natalie went to MacCready’s bed, kneeling next to it and pushing some of his hair back on his forehead. When she pulled her hand away, her fingers were coated in his blood.  _ He has a head injury too _ .

Natalie stared at the blood on her fingers. “Piper.”

“Blue.” Natalie looked at her and saw tears coming down Piper’s face. “Blue, I’m so sorry,” she squeaked in between breaths.

“Tell me what happened,” Natalie said, her eyes searching MacCready’s body. “Tell me everything that happened. Do not leave anything out.” Her voice was cold and calculated.

Piper rested her arms on her knees, rocking back and forth in her chair. “MacCready wanted to go… Oh Blue, we went to Gunners Plaza.”

Natalie flashed her a look of disbelief and anger. “You went  _ where _ ?”

“Mac said he needed to… to do something,” Piper cried. “They recognized him Blue. They knew it was him. But it didn’t stop him from storming in. They had -- they had nukes and grenades and there were so  _ many _ of them Blue…”

“What the-- why d--” She searched MacCready’s broken face for an answer. “Did he tell you why?”

Piper hiccuped, before shaking her head. “No. He said he needed to do something and that was it.”  _ Please don’t question it, please... _

That answer seemed enough for Natalie, but she continued. “It’s illogical. We wiped out those two Gunners, Barnes and Fuckface, so he has no reason to go back. It’s absurd to believe you can wipe out an entire group as widespread as the Gunners from the Commonwealth. What was he thinking?”

At that moment, Curie whirred into the room, followed by Preston. “Monsieur MacCready!” she said, gliding over to his bedside. “What has happened?”

Piper repeated in excruciating detail what happened at Gunner’s Plaza. Natalie felt her blood boil with each new word. 

“Can you do anything about RJ?” Natalie asked once Piper was finished.

“I believe I can, with Monsieur Garvey’s help. There is only so much I can do in a robotic body. And you too, Piper.”

“I’ll be fine,” Piper grumbled.

“You must be attended to,” Curie insisted.

Natalie stood, pushing her hair behind her ears. “Please Curie.”

“Of course, Madame. I will get MacCready back up in no time.”

Natalie headed towards the door as Curie began asking Piper a slew of medical questions. Preston grabbed her arm, stopping her. His voice was low. “Now isn’t the time for foolish mistakes. You have all of the Commonwealth counting on you. Keep it together.”

“I don’t need you to baby me.”

“I’m not, General. I just know how you act by now.” Natalie whipped her head to face him, her eyes daring. “I know you like him. And don’t deny it. It’s written all over your face. But you need to stay calm and let Curie and myself fix this. There’s no need to rush into anything.”

She yanked her arm out of his grasp, her eyes like daggers. “With your  _ permission _ , I’d like to leave,” she spat venomously.

He didn’t say anything, but simply walked to a small box of supplies and pulled out a long needle. Natalie turned on her heel and left, slamming the door behind her.

She stomped passed the Longhouse to the house that was directly opposite of her own. This house (where Sturges spent most of his days) was set up with a workbench on the porch and her favorite set of Power Armor, complete with Brotherhood of Steel insignias (she had other suits scattered around the settlement). Today, the small house was empty; there was no door into the house, so she heard the faint hum of Diamond City’s station from the small radio on the shelf inside. She put both hands on the workbench, looking down and trying to process everything that just happened.

MacCready had went to Gunners Plaza, with Piper. Was he blackmailed? Did they somehow threaten him? They had taken care of the Gunners that were on the overpass what seemed like forever ago. Were they still after him? It felt like Piper wasn’t telling her something, but she didn’t want to hound her -- she was injured and just got back from some serious shit. She said they recognized him. She said there was so many. Did they clear the place? Are they going to send someone after him and Piper?

“He’ll be fine,” came Cait’s voice. Cait leaned up against the wall next to the workbench. “I know you’re worried about ‘im.”

“It’s not just that Cait,” Natalie said, shaking her head and looking at her. “He went to a place that he knew was dangerous, and would be recognized to… to  _ do _ something. There’s so many holes in this that it doesn’t make sense.”

“Maybe it’s just somethin’ he had to do on his own. Take care of what he started.”

“He brought Piper into this…”

“Because  _ you _ told ‘im to.”

Natalie looked away. She was right. She was  _ fucking _ right. This was her fault.

A spark of determination lit her eyes and she walked quickly past Cait and into the house. Cait poked her head in and watched her go towards the huge weapon racks that held all of their heavy weapons. “Whatcha plannin’ to do there?”

Natalie lifted the large Fat Man and turned towards Cait, whose eyes widened. “Help me with this,” she mumbled.

Cait helped her lift half of it, and the red-haired duo took it outside and in front of the workbench before dropping it on the ground. Natalie wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. Cait looked from the launcher on the ground to Natalie with a look of concern. “Alright, maybe you need to lay off the chems. Whatcha goin’ to do, blow the place skyhigh?”

Natalie’s eyes twinkled in response as she got on her tiptoes and removed two fusion cores from the top storage cabinet near her power armor. 

“Oh. You actually are,” Cait said, arms crossed in front of her.

“You’re coming with me,” Natalie said as she went behind her Brotherhood power armor and inserted the core. She pocketed the other one.

“I am?”

“Yes you are.” Natalie turned the wheel and the suit opened with a resounding groan before Natalie got inside. She took a deep breath as the suit closed around her.

Cait eyed her up and down. “Unless the next bloke we run into is armed with a can opener, I’d say we’re good to go.”

Natalie snorted. “Grab one of the other power armors from behind the house.” She walked slowly towards Cait, getting her body re-adjusted to the weight of the heavy suit.

“I don’t need no power armor to protect me,” Cait said carefully.

“Suit yourself.” Natalie bent down and lifted the Fat Man with ease. “Grab some Mini Nukes from the nuke crate and meet me at the bridge. Grab anything else you think we’d need.”

“At least you’re not makin’ me carry your junk,” Cait teased before heading into the house.

Natalie walked towards the bridge, shaking her limbs in a futile attempt to get used to the new weight. After a few moments of walking, Cait appeared at her side with a backpack filled with mini nukes, Stimpacks, extra ammo, frag and Vertibird grenades, water, some snacks and Psycho. In her other hand, she was carrying a large baseball bat with sickening nails sticking out of the barrell, some of them rusted with dried blood. She dragged the end cap against the ground as they walked.

They crossed the bridge and Piper threw down a Vertibird signaling grenade. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Cait asked deliberately as they waited. “You don’t know how many of ‘em that they killed. You could be walkin’ right into a trap.”

“I’m not letting them chase MacCready or Piper.”

Cait kicked a stone before answering. “You two should just fuck already.”

Natalie snapped her neck towards her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Cait chuckled. “You think we don’t see the looks you give each other? You two are like, I dunno, Cram and crackers.”

Natalie smiled, grateful that Cait couldn’t see the blushing on her face. At that moment, a Vertibird appeared on the horizon and flew towards them. As it landed, Natalie motioned for Cait to go first.

The Knights aboard stood up a little straighter when they saw Natalie in her power armor boarding the Vertibird. Cait sat and settled against the wall as Natalie clung onto the Fat Man, bracing her armored legs against the floor.

“Where to?” called the pilot over com.

“Gunners Plaza.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Natalie and Cait absolutely  _ wrecked _ the place. When they landed, Natalie launched a mini nuke directly at a small group in the front and watched their limbs fly in every which direction. Cait grinned, jumping over a barrier and, with a sickening  _ crack _ , hit a Gunner square in the face with her bat full of nails. She took a moment to dislodge the bat which was stuck into his face, his face twisted in a sick horror. Natalie charged past them, the rain of bullets deflecting off of her suit as she launched another nuke at a Gunner with a sniper on the roof; his head was blown clean off and his body fell to the ground, breaking the bones in his arms and back. 

The ladies made their way inside, Natalie clearing the path at a distance while Cait was having too much fun beating them with her bat, which was now sticky with blood. They cleared rooms with nukes and grenades, collapsing entire walls with their destruction. When Natalie ran out of nukes, she swung the heavy weapon, cracking their skulls into walls. The few that tried to run down the hallway were met with a blast of Cait’s shotgun, hitting them in the legs so Natalie could break their bones with her armored hands. They took small breaks only to catch their breaths and for Cait to take another hit of Psycho.

They didn’t stop until they swung open the door to the roof. Cait charged ahead, killing the final Gunner with her shotgun. A cold rain had begun to fall, the droplets sticking to the visor of her helmet. Cait turned to face Natalie and grinned, dried blood (that wasn’t hers) caked on her face. She dropped her shotgun on the concrete, facing the sky with open arms and catching droplets on her tongue. The tell-tale hiss of metal told her that Natalie was out of her power armor.

“You sure know how to show a gal a good time,” Cait said, rubbing her shoulder.

Natalie was drenched in sweat, her black tank top sticking to her skin. The rain felt  _ amazing _ on her skin, but it also gave her chills. She took off her glasses and fruitlessly cleaned them with her top before sticking them back on. “Is that all of them?”

“I believe so,” Cait said, wandering further along the roof. Natalie followed her, running her hands through her sticky hair. She couldn’t wait to get home and bathe. 

The pair found a table with a tattered umbrella. On the table was a bottle of inviting whiskey. Cait snagged the bottle, raising it to her lips and taking a long drink before passing the bottle to Natalie.

“No thanks,” Natalie mumbled, plopping into one of the rickety chairs by the table. 

“What, you think I have cooties?”

Natalie gave her a look before taking the bottle from her hands and taking a drink. The taste burned her mouth, and she coughed and sputtered once she finally got it down. Cait laughed. “Can’t handle yer whiskey?”

“200 year old whiskey? I’m surprised there’s any still around.”

“You take what you can get,” Cait said, taking the bottle from Natalie and having another sip.

Natalie leaned back against the chair, the rain giving her chills. Cait sat in the other chair, putting the bottle back down on the table. 

Natalie spoke first. “I’m crazy.”

“You just now figurin’ that out?” Cait said with a chuckle.

Natalie smiled, rolling her eyes, though not unkind. “I don’t even know myself anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was a serious law student who was seriously in love with my husband. I was a serious lawyer who believed in the law and I thought everything could be figured out by just stopping and thinking. Now, look at me,” Natalie smiled to herself, shaking her head. “It feels like an episode of the Twilight Zone.”

“Twilight Zone?”

It was Natalie’s turn to chuckle. “It was a television show with themes that were like… science fiction.” She saw Cait’s confused look. “Aliens, people with two heads, talking dolls… nuclear wastelands. Anyway, it feels unreal. Like I’m going to wake up any minute and realize I’m late for a case evaluation hearing.” She shook her head, face falling. “I had this crazy idea that I would be together with Nate forever. And Shaun. We’d be one family. I miss him Cait. I told him that I’d never be with anyone else but him if something were to happen to him.”

Cait folded her arms across her chest. “I think it’s foolish to think that he wouldn’t want you to move on. The man’s been dead for months, Nat.” She narrowed her eyes at Natalie, who was staring at the ground. “You can’t find yer feelings towards MacCready. You know why you’re here.”

“He has a wife. And he’s so much younger. And---”

“And and and,” Cait said, furrowing her eyebrows. “I’ve seen the way you look at him. And he looks at you. What’s wrong with just lettin’ him know your feelings?”

“I can’t deal with being hurt again…”

“Life isn’t worth livin’ without some risk,” Cait said softly, and Natalie turned to look at her. “I’m not the best person to be pourin’ your heart to. I only see what I see. I’ve been alone most of me life. I’ve been hurt more times than I’d like to talk about. But if I had the chance to get to know someone on that level, someone I connect to like that, and someone who looks at me the same way that he looks at you… I think that’s a risk worth takin’.”

Natalie swallowed, running her hand through her hair. They sat in silence for a few moments before Natalie got up and grabbed the whiskey from the table, taking another drink and handing it to Cait. 

“Time to go,” Natalie muttered, walking over to her power armor. “Don’t forget the whiskey.”

Natalie got in the suit as Cait gathered their things, taking another drink before putting it in their bag. Natalie held out one arm and Cait climbed onto Natalie, holding her tight. Cait’s words echoed in her ears as she held Cait as tight as she could without crushing her (or breaking the Fat Man she was now holding) and stepped off the roof, shaking the ground as they landed with a heavy  _ thud _ . She let Cait go and Cait launched a Vertibird signaling grenade. The pair waited in silence until the familiar, warming whir of the Vertibird was heard overhead. Natalie closed her eyes the entire way back to Sanctuary Hills, her head buzzing with Cait’s words.

When they landed across the bridge, Cait jumped off first with Natalie right after her. It was getting close to the evening when they finally touched ground again. Natalie made her way to the power armor station just as her last fusion core depleted. She practically stumbled out of it, the ground beneath her feet feeling weird without the armor. She wonders if Danse feels the same thing when he exits the armor at night.

“Mum,” Codsworth said, sounding relieved. “Why do people here insist on just leaving without a proper goodbye?”

“I’m sorry Codsworth,” Natalie said, rolling her shoulders to loosen the kinks. “How is MacCready?”

“Curie and Preston have managed to clean up his face and have applied Stimpacks and Med-X. He was awake at some point, asking about you, but Miss Curie insisted that he go back to sleep.”

“He was awake?” she asked surprised, making her way to the house, Codsworth at her heel.

“Only for a little while,” Codsworth tried to assure her. “Sir MacCready is fine.”

Natalie pushed open the door and found Piper sitting on the bed opposite of MacCready, looking much better than how she was earlier this morning. Curie was holding a rag in her claw, applying it to MacCready’s face, which had noticeable swelling on his cheek. 

“Hey,” Piper said, getting up as Natalie entered the room and went to the side of MacCready’s bed. “Preston had to go help Abernathy Farm. He left just a short while ago.”

Natalie ran her hand across MacCready’s face, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. The blood was cleaned off his face and his breathing was steady. “Is he conscious?”

“He was earlier, for a little bit,” Piper explained.

“There were no broken bones,” Curie puffed proudly. “He just has some scrapes and bruises and cuts. He will be sore for a few days, but there is no reason why he cannot return to normal duties in two days. It was nothing Stimpacks couldn’t cure.”

“Is he sleeping now?”

“Well,” Curie said, “I had to give him some Med-X to calm the pain. His chest had the worst of pain. He is passed out right now, but he will be fine. The swelling in his cheek will be gone by tonight. Trust me, Madame.”

Natalie nodded, brushing her fingers down his not-swollen cheek. “You asshole,” she murmured under her breath, smiling.

“Mum,” Codsworth called from the doorway. “I am afraid you need to eat and drink something. You only had a bit of breakfast this morning.”

“And you really reek Blue,” Piper added.

Natalie looked at them both, rolling her eyes. “Fine, fine. I get the hint,” she teased. “I’ll wash up and get dinner.” She gave one last fleeting look at MacCready before exiting the house.

“I’ll go put on some squirrel stew for when you return,” Codsworth said before heading towards the Longhouse. 

She grabbed some fresh clothes from her house -- a green t-shirt and black jeans, and a bar of soap she made -- before heading towards the cul-de-sac. She made her way to the fence, crudely made out of wood and tires, before whistling. When she heard no response, she opened the fence and walked down the small hill to the river. They had built this little fence-enclosed area that led down the river for some privacy while bathing, with the rule of whistling when you reached the fence. If you heard a whistle back, it meant that there was someone there. 

She got out of her sticky clothes and washed up in the cold river, scrubbing the grime from her face, Cait’s words buzzing in her ears. Why was she so afraid to take the next step? His age didn’t exactly bother her, but she seemed to always use it as one of her many excuses. Was it guilt of ‘cheating’ on Nate? Was it guilt of finding something that makes her happy in a world so cruel? Was she just trying to punish herself for surviving…?

She dried off in her old clothes before putting on her fresh clothes (making sure the toy soldier was safely in her pocket), and joined Codsworth and Danse in the Longhouse for dinner. Danse was regaling her with a tale of his first time getting shitfaced on the Prydwen, much to Natalie’s delight. She told him of her first party as an undergrad and this particularly handsy Economics senior (who  _ somehow _ wound up with a broken hand), and Danse actually  _ laughed _ . It was a side of Danse that Natalie had never seen, and it was comforting to know that her commanding officer was human, too.

The sun was beginning to set once Natalie left the Longhouse and meandered down the hill to the river, watching the gentle ripples splashing against the rocks. She sat on the hill, her knees to her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs. She loved coming here towards sunset, watching the sun reflecting on the glassy surface. It reminded her of a simpler, happier time when she would come here with Nate and they’d talk until the moon shone brightly above.

“I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.”

Natalie jumped up, turning around to see MacCready standing there. He didn’t have his yellow jacket on, or his green shirt, and the bullets around his legs were missing (but the pouch was still there). And his hat was gone. Natalie blinked. She barely recognized him in just a white t-shirt, green pants and his watch. He was holding his left arm, the redness in his face down, just as Curie had said. His lip was still slightly purple and the cuts were still visible on his face. He smiled sheepishly.

“ _ Mac _ ,” she breathed, lessening the distance between them. “Are you okay? What happened? Why did you go? What were you thinking?” She fought the urge to cry.

“Whoa whoa, one question at a time, killer.”

“I deserve answers,” she said, crossing her arms in front of her. “We get back, then you act weird as fuck and disappear for days and come back almost dead. And you and Piper refuse to tell me why.”

MacCready sighed, rubbing the back of his head. “I had to get something from the Gunners. They took something that I needed back.”

Natalie closed the remaining distance between them, her hand caressing his face. MacCready watched her with heart eyes, his mouth slightly open. “I’m glad Curie patched you up so quick. You looked terrible.”

He put his hand over hers gently, intertwining their fingers. He didn’t let go. “What can I say? I wanted matching scars.”

Natalie grinned, stifling a laugh. Her heart began to race. She was very much aware of how her hand was on his face and his hand was over hers. “What was so important that you had to get that you risked your life for?”

He lowered his hand and dug into his pocket. Natalie decided to wring her hands in front of her -- she used to do this a lot when she was a new attorney and was nervous. He eventually pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to her.

She took it and saw it was blank, and she was about to open her mouth to joke about it when she flipped it over.

Staring back at her was herself, only a bit younger and a lot more exhausted. She was holding a newborn Shaun in the hospital, and behind her was Nate, proud and beaming at the birth of his son. It was the photograph that was missing in her home what seemed like ages ago. It was worn around the edges and out of its frame, but otherwise in good shape.

Tears formed in her widened eyes. She looked down at it, mouth hanging open, before looking at him in pure shock. Her whole body felt cold. She moved her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

MacCready smiled lovingly. “Merry Christmas, Natalie.”

She shook her head slightly, her mouth still open. When she said nothing, MacCready took it upon himself to answer her obvious question. “I-- I didn’t specifically  _ take _ it, but I was…” He sighed, rubbing his eyes. “I didn’t take it. I was part of the Gunners when I guess they came through here. They wanted the frame for something. But the picture was just thrown around. I was hoping it was still there.”

She stared at him in stunned silence. Her reaction was a thank you enough.

“When I finally pictured what your husband looked like, I remembered the photo. I… I didn’t  _ take _ it myself,” he repeated. “I’m sorry though. I know what it’s like to lose someone close to you.”

She just looked at him, her eyes piercing into his soul. He was afraid he just broke her. She stood there holding the picture with both trembling hands.

“You remember that toy soldier I gave you? It’s special. It means a lot to me.”  _ Here we go.  _ “My wife Lucy gave that to me right after we met. I… I, uh, told her I was a soldier and she made it for me. Never could bring myself to tell her the truth… that I was just a hired killer. But it doesn’t really matter anymore. She died a few years back.”

She was breathing fast. All of her senses were buzzing. She turned her head to one side, and she looked like she was about to cry. Her eyes widened even further. “What?”

“We made the mistake of holing up in a metro station one night. We didn’t know that the place was infested with ferals. They were on her before I could even fire a shot. Ripped her apart right in front of me. There was nothing I could do. Took everything I had to escape with Duncan in my arms. Maybe it would have been better if we’d died there with her.” He cast his eyes down towards the ground between them.

“Wh… Why would you say something like that?!” Her voice was cracking, the tears now flowing freely down her cheeks.

“I guess I needed to tell someone how I felt about it,” he said slowly. Oh god, he hurt her. It’s the last thing he wanted to do. But he couldn’t stop the words escaping his mouth. He had to tell her everything. “Damn, I miss Lucy. No matter how bad things got, she was always there with a shoulder to lean on. It gave me… well, it gave me the courage I needed to press ahead… to never give up. When she died, I thought that feeling was gone forever…”

Natalie took one last look at the photo before carefully tucking it into her pocket. He watched her with an intensity in his eyes. When she looked up again, he stared,  _ hard _ , right back at her. “Then I met you.” She felt her stomach flip. “You have the world’s problems on your back and here you are helping me with mine… lending me your shoulder like Lucy did. I just want you to know how much you mean to me.”

She was close now, so close that he could smell the sweetness of her hair. He could count her eyelashes and the creases in her lips. He was breathing hard, his heart hammering in his chest. She was trembling, searching his eyes intensely.

He grabbed her hand, and he noticed that his hands were shaking too. He laced his fingers in between hers. Her hands were soft and clean and fit perfectly in his. Then he grabbed her other hand and did the same, his thumb lazily caressing her skin.

Slowly, she said, “I killed them. I blew the place sky-high.”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “W-what?”

“Piper told me you went to Gunners Plaza. That they recognized you.” She licked her lips, flicking her eyes between his lips and his eyes. “So I went in there and killed every last one of them.”

His mouth nearly fell open. He let go of her hands and instead grabbed her upper arms, right under her shoulders. “You did what? Why?” He couldn’t mask the shock and wonder behind his voice. “Natalie, why?”

She looked down, her whole body shaking. She forgot how to talk. She just looked up at him, her eyes glistening and her lungs breathless. 

She flung her arms around his neck and pressed her lips against his.

The warmth of her mouth sent a current through his body. His arms immediately flew around her waist, fingertips pressed hard into her skin, crushing her against his chest. Her kiss was hungry, passionate and intense. Rather than one long kiss, it was a series of crushing, intense kisses that took his breath away. Any pain from kissing his bruised lip was quickly gone as he matched her intensity. She made soft noises in the precious moments between kisses and he felt like his body was on fire. He pulled her tighter to him, making a soft noise when he felt her closeness. She moved one hand to cup his face as she ran the other down his back with her fingertips. He moved his hands from her waist, up her back and into her hair, feeling the softness of her hair in between his fingers. 

She finally pulled away, both of them panting. Her cheeks were rosy red to match the redness of her lips from their makeout. They were barely more than a few inches apart, and he could still feel her breath against his lips. God, she even tasted amazing.

She looked down at his lips. “I…”

“That was…”

She kissed him again, chaste and sweet. She went to pull away when he yanked her closer. He murmured into her lips, “Just one more,” before kissing her again.

She giggled onto his lips. “If we keep doing this, we’ll never leave,” she whispered.

He rested his head against her forehead, lacing his fingers into hers. “Who says I want to?”

She blushed again, wrapping her arms around his neck once more and pulling him in for another kiss. He’s never felt more alive in his life. His hand rested on the small of her back, pressing her against his body. He would never grow tired of this.

“Ah… ahem…”

They broke apart and turned their heads to see Curie hovering a short distance away. Natalie quickly looked in the other direction, embarrassed.

MacCready never wanted to shoot a robot more than he wanted to at this very moment. “ _ What? _ ” he asked bitterly.

“I apologize for interrupting your rendezvous, Monsieur MacCready, but I must administer another dose of medication at once.”

He looked back at Natalie, who was still blushing. She nodded. “It’s okay,” she said huskily. “It’s okay. Go get better.”

He turned towards Curie and stomped in her direction like a kid who just had his candy taken away. “ _ Fine _ ,” he muttered as he walked past her. Curie followed him towards the makeshift infirmary.

Natalie gazed out in the distance, her mind in a complete haze. She gingerly touched her lips in disbelief, before letting out the largest grin she’s ever done. Somehow she knew that things between them would never be the same.

And, for once, she was okay with that.


	11. Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie and MacCready set out on the journey of a new relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe the background to any good relationship (romantic or not) is communication. I wanted to showcase in this chapter the dynamics of their communication with each other. Most relationships (well, mine) started with awkwardness of being around a new person (whether they're actually "new" to your life, or "new" to this stage in your life) and then progressed into mutual understanding and comfort. It's a living, breathing learning process.
> 
> This chapter is a chapter of pure tooth-rotting fluff tbh, and I'm not 100% happy with it, but I feel it's necessary to understand their rapport further down the road. They both have to learn from each other, about each other.
> 
> Next chapter will bring more action and excitement, as this chapter is slow and is 90% their interaction with each other.
> 
> Hope some people enjoy. :)

Dawn crept over the Commonwealth way too early for Natalie. She sat up in her bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and yawning. No matter how many times she got up though, she couldn’t quite get used to the rusted window frames that no longer held actual windows. She squinted into the harsh light, making a mental note to find sheets to cover them in the future.

She swung her feet to the floor, grabbing her glasses on top of the bed frame and putting them on, yawning again. She rubbed her hands over her jeans, making another mental note to scavenge for clothes that were more fit for sleeping. She just needed to get off her ass and scavenge.

She lazily made her way to the bathroom, grabbing the lighter on the sink to light some candles so she had some light. She keeps forgetting to install wiring throughout her house. Rubbing her temples, she grumbled, “God there’s just so much… shit to do.” She grabbed the bucket of water on the floor and rested it in the sink, before removing her glasses and splashing cool water on her face. Wiping it with her shirt, she put her glasses back on and ran her fingers through her hair, gazing at her reflection, last night’s events replaying in her head.

She never considered herself a beautiful woman, though Nate would try to convince her otherwise. She was short, about 5’2”. Her skin was a shade darker than Nate’s and naturally tan. She ran the back of her hands over her face, noticing every scar and blemish on her once perfect skin. 

“Oh Natalie, you’re a shadow of your old self,” she said to her reflection before blowing out the candles.

She walked to the living room, grabbing her pistol that she got from Kellogg (it quickly became her favorite pistol, not only because it was heavily modded, but because she loved using his weapon of evil to do good, in her own mind) and holstering on her belt. She grabbed a Nuka Cherry Cola that was on the counter, pocketing the cap before walking outside.

She barely managed to close the door before Preston had approached her, clipboard in hand.

She furrowed her eyebrows. “Do you ever sleep?”

“General,” he said, ignoring her remark. “A caravan came in for you to approve.”

“Why can’t you approve it?”

“I was going to, but there’s a problem. Apparently one of its guards died on route so they want to charge us an extra 15% fee for ‘lost property.’” Preston held the clipboard in front of him.

“Christ,” she breathed, rolling her eyes and taking the clipboard. “This would be so much easier with formal contracts. My head is screaming ‘we need to make it a destination contract so risk of loss is on the seller’ but obviously that won’t work in the Commonwealth.”

Preston blinked, smiling slowly. “Sure. Can you take care of it?”

“Are they here now?” She took a sip of her cola.

“They’re at the clearing by the bridge.”

She groaned and sighed, eyes glancing towards the windows of the infirmary. “Let’s go,” she said begrudgingly. 

This was a normal morning for Natalie. When she wasn’t dealing with petty shit from the caravans (in which her skills as a lawyer comes in handy), she was arbitrating arguments of who accidentally killed the tato plant (where her lawyer skills  _ really _ came in handy). She would delegate what needs to be repaired next and oversee patrol schedules to make sure everyone is happy. Of course, in between, she would get radioed tasks from the Brotherhood, some of which required her immediate attention. She barely had time to do things that she wanted to do -- such as exploring Boston. Or going to Nick’s to finally talk to him about his lead on Shaun.

It was late morning by the time she got the fiasco situated, and she traversed down the cracked street from the bridge, gazing down at her clipboard and going over numbers in her head. She pat Dogmeat along the way, not diverting her attention from the clipboard. She scribbled some notes on the side before leaving it on top of her rusted mailbox and practically skipping to the infirmary.

She opened the door slowly, peeking her head in. “Hello? Curie?”

“Ah Madame Natalie, you can come in,” came Curie’s voice.

Natalie opened the door to find MacCready sitting on the bed, entirely shirtless. Curie was behind him, administering a needle to his back. MacCready turned towards the door when it opened and immediately blushed, pulling his discarded shirt to his stomach in haste in an attempt to cover himself up. 

She closed the door behind her, looking at him with an amused expression. Is he actually embarrassed? True, he certainly didn’t have the pack of abs like Danse or Nate, but she liked him as he was. She noticed that his arms were toned (but not muscular), probably from lugging a sniper rifle for years.

“Your arrival is perfect Madame,” Curie said, dropping the used needle on the surgical tray on the bed. “MacCready was just asking about you.”

“Asking about me?” Natalie smiled as MacCready fumbled with his white shirt, putting it on in a snap. “Hopefully good things?”

“Heh. I was just asking when I’d be patched up enough so we can hit the road again,” MacCready blushed.

“I believe you are healed enough that you are capable of functioning at optimal capacity,” Curie stated. “However, I must warn you to not over do it for at least one more day.”

“Thanks Curie,” said MacCready, jumping to his feet and grabbing his cardigan and duster. He bent and retrieved his sniper that was on the floor, holstering it on his back. “Ready boss?”

She gave him a look that took his breath away before she opened the door and held it open for him, and shut it behind them. 

“Do you need to put that on?” She motioned to his clothes he was holding.

He looked down at them, having momentarily forgot about them. “Yeah, I should. Can I, uh…”

She gave him a fleeting look before opening the door to her house. “Don’t worry,” she said as he entered the living room, shutting the door behind her. “I won’t look.”

She giggled and turned around, facing the door, her hands over her eyes playfully.

She heard the movement of fabric behind her, before feeling the warmth of his arms around her shoulders, his lips in her hair. He kissed the top of her head as she giggled, running her hands over his arms. 

“Where to today boss?” he hummed lazily, pressing his cheek against the top of her head. He was barely able to do that, he was only 3 inches taller than her. But dammit, he tried.

“I was thinking we could clear those warehouses for Hancock,” she murmured, closing her eyes and leaning back against him. He held her tighter. “Lots of caps. And then after that we could go to The Third Rail and get some drinks before heading to Diamond City and talking to Nick. What do you think?” She spun around so she was facing him with his arms still around her.

“I think,” he smiled crookedly, “that you’re goin’ soft on me boss.”

“Now, what’s wrong with two people getting drinks? Hmm?” She playfully kissed his cheek. “We could, uh, exchange stories. I want to know more about Capital Wasteland.”

“Fine, fine,” he murmured, planting a soft kiss on her lips. “But no Vertibird. We can chat on the road.”

“No Vertibird,” she agreed.

By high noon, the pair stocked up on ammo and miscellaneous supplies. Natalie changed into Nate’s flannel shirt, tucking the green t-shirt in her pack just in case. She gave assignments to Preston and Codsworth for when she was gone, and assured Danse that, if the Brotherhood absolutely needed her, she’d hightail it home to meet up with them.

When all was said and done, they made their descent through Sanctuary Hills. Dogmeat padded behind them, whining as they approached the bridge. Natalie turned to face the dog, squatting so she was petting him on his level.

“Oh Dogmeat,” she said warmly. “The road to Goodneighbor is dangerous, you know that boy. Stay here and keep watch. You’re in charge, okay?”

Dogmeat gave a protesting bark.

“Hey hey,” Natalie insisted. “I need you here in case this place goes to shit. You’re the only one I can trust to run this place, remember that.”

Dogmeat barked happily, wagging his tail. She leaned forward and hugged him, burying her face in his fur. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Maybe we can take a Vertibird back. Take care of Preston and the gang for me boy.”

They walked in silence passed Red Rocket, Natalie swinging her arms to her sides and clapping in front of her. Another nervous habit of hers. MacCready was trailing behind her, watching in quiet amusement. She suddenly turned around to face him, walking backwards.

“So,” she said, smiling. “How’d you sleep?”

The surprise made the heat rise in his cheeks. He still can’t get over that she actually  _ cared _ . “Some soreness, but overall good. Curie did a damn good job.”  _ Oh and I dreamt about you, and that smoking kiss. _

“That’s good,” she smiled, turning around so she walking straight again.

The only sound was the sound of their footsteps on the paving, before MacCready’s warm hand crept into hers, interlocking fingers. She felt her stomach flip.

The air between them hummed with an unspoken song. It wasn’t  _ uncomfortable _ , per say, but rather new and exciting. It made Natalie’s stomach twist in knots. She was never much good at this and was unsure exactly how to proceed. Where she would go on a date to a movie at the drive-in (which was now a thriving settlement), or go to a museum (which probably doesn’t exist anymore) in the past, she doesn’t know what to do in this world.

She flickered her eyes at MacCready and noticed that his cheeks had a slight color to them.  _ Cute _ .

MacCready squeezed her hand. “Tell me more about your lawyer things. Were there ever fights at the… trials? They’re called trials right?”

Natalie couldn’t help but laugh. “That would be a sight. ‘I’m sorry, I object to your affirmative defenses’ before you jump across the table and knock them out. God that would have made facilitations so much more interesting.” She grinned, trying not to laugh anymore. MacCready looked at her with one raised eyebrow as she wiped tears from her eyes. “Oh RJ. You’re such a mungo.”

“...what did you just call me?”

“A mungo,” she grinned in a sing-song voice. His whole face turned red. She giggled, nudging her shoulder into his. “What, you didn’t think I would pay attention to your stories of Little Lamplight?”

MacCready yanked her arm and spun her so she was pressed against him. He wrapped his arms around her before planting a wet kiss on her cheek. “Oh man,” he laughed. “This pre-war lawyer just called  _ me _ a mungo. Me, a mungo.” His eyes told her he was just teasing.

She looked at him with a mischievous look in her eye before lifting the hat off his head.

“Hey--” he protested, but was cut off when she placed the hat on her head. His face turned as red as a tato. 

She dipped his hat in front of her eyes, before lifting it again and placing a kiss on his nose. “How do I look?”

“C-cute,” he stammered.

It was Natalie’s turn to blush. “I was going for mungo,” she whispered, her fingers dancing along his shoulders. “Cause you, sir, are a mungo.”

His eyes flickered to her lips before he pulled her in for a crushing kiss. His hat fell off her head as she turned her head to deepen the kiss, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He held onto her waist tightly, making sure she was pressed against him. 

When he pulled away, she was breathless and rosy. He pressed his forehead against hers, closing his eyes.

She smiled under her eyelashes. “Going soft on me RJ?” she teased breathlessly.

“Don’t know what karma I cashed,” he murmured, “but I definitely don’t deserve someone as good as you.”

Natalie felt the butterflies flutter in her stomach. There were a million things she wanted to say, but no words could come out. Instead, she hummed softly, kissing his cheek. “You’re a regular cassanova, aren’t you?”

MacCready blinked, momentary panic in his eyes. “Should I, uh, know what that is?”

Natalie smiled. “Come on. I’ll explain on the way.” 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They sung all their favorite songs on the road to Goodneighbor. She told him about her most memorable clients over a laugh and a smile, their faces now too hazy to remember. He told her about his adventures in the Capital Wastelands as a young kid trying to find his way. Natalie brought up his parents, which proved to be a sensitive subject, so she dropped it.

By the time the pair arrived near Beantown Brewery, it was almost pitch black. Natalie flickered on the light of her Pip-Boy, the gentle humming of the radio already soothing her nerves. She was never one hundred percent in the dark, especially in the Commonwealth.

She heard MacCready say something under his breath behind her. “We better stop for the night,” he said quietly, his hands steadily holding his rifle.

“Brilliant idea. Where?” she said sarcastically.

It was too dark to see him roll his eyes. “There’s a house over this hill. Let’s check it out.”

The house had a few bloodbugs in it, which Natalie elected to take out on her own with her pistol. It was quieter than his rifle, and she didn’t want to draw out any ferals that could possibly be nearby.

He leaned against the wall of an old deteriorating brick wall, watching her make short work of the beasts before heading into the home. With every flash of light through the aching walls, he couldn’t help but smirk. If this is a dream, he doesn’t want to wake up. He has no idea how he could possibly deserve someone like her.

A sharp whistle pulled him out of his thoughts, and he headed into the house and to the top floor. He opened the broken door and found Natalie leaning over far in a huge trunk, rummaging around with the help of the flashlight of her Pip-Boy. 

“Give me a shout if you find any mods for my sniper rifle,” he said, leaning his sniper against the wall and checking the windows in the back for any approaching enemies.

He heard Natalie snort. “I found something better,” she said excitedly, sprinting to his side. She was holding in her hand a small metal box. When she opened it, there were so many caps that they practically fell on the floor.

MacCready’s eyes widened. “Holy sh--”

Natalie grinned. “Send it to Duncan.”

He blinked. “Wait wait, you want me to what?”

Natalie smiled, casting her eyes to the floor. “You should help Duncan. Maybe these caps can buy him needed clothes or food or protection. Or it can go towards the person taking care of him. What was her name again?”

MacCready practically grinned. “She’d never take the caps. But I’ll try.” He carefully took the box from her hands. “Are you sure?”

“I… Look,” she said, her gaze steady on the wall behind him. “I couldn’t save Shaun. And there’s nothing I can do about that. He was taken from me, and it’s my fault.” She folded her arms in front of her, and MacCready was about to open his mouth to protest when she continued. “I want to… I want to help you. And your son. In any way I can. Your son has already lost his mother and is away from his father. Anything I can do to, you know, help him or his caregiver.”

MacCready put the caps down on the broken dresser and pulled her in for a tight hug. She snuggled into his chest as he kissed her forehead. “T-thank you,” he murmured, rubbing his hands on her back. 

She pulled away, smiling, before reaching in her bag and pulling out what looked like a battered but still usable scope. “Oh, and I found this too,” she laughed.

_ God I love this woman. _

MacCready hauled in a trash can and lit a fire to keep themselves warm. The moon was bright and full, filtering through the hollows of the cracked ceiling. It cast a soft, glowing light on the top floor of their hovel, and Natalie thought it was a peaceful, beautiful serenity.

“What are you reading?” MacCready asked, happy with the fire that was burning brightly from the lit trash can. He sat down directly next to her so their shoulders were touching.

She angled her book so the cover was displayed to him. “It’s Edgar Allan Poe. You’ve heard of him, right?”

“I think so,” he said slowly, removing his hat and running his hand through his hair. “He’s a poet, right?”

“Not  _ just _ a poet,” she said, eyes lighting up in excitement. “He’s the king of poems, next to Robert Frost, of course. Have you heard any of his poems?”

He shook his head. Something about the way she was talking so vividly made his heart race.

She turned so she was sitting cross-legged and facing him, propping the book on her knees. She cleared her throat and licked her lips, before giving him a wild look and began reciting a poem from the book. Her hands moved wildly with each verse, and he found his breath hitched more than once in his throat. He was enamoured by her, by her words and actions, and how passionate she poured herself into her performance. 

“ _ But anything was better than this agony! Anything was more tolerable than this derision! _ ” She held the sides of her head and shook her head wildly, her voice rising in delirium with each passing word. “ _ I could bear those hypocritical smiles no longer! I felt that I must scream or die! And now, again! Hark! Louder! Louder! Louder! Louder! _ ” She leaned closer to him with each passing word, her eyes wild and passionate.

MacCready watched her with wide eyes, his mouth slightly open. He was  _ way _ sucked into this.

“ _ "Villains!" I shrieked, "dissemble no more! I admit the deed! Tear up the planks! Here, here! It is the beating of his hideous heart!" _ ” With that, she closed the book, grinning. “So, what’d you think?”

He looked at her for a moment before grabbing the collar of her flannel shirt and pulling her to him with a kiss. She returned his kiss with a smile. “I’m guessing you liked it?” she teased.

He pulled her to him, and she sat in between his legs, her back resting against his chest. He kissed the back of her head, intertwining his hands with hers. “Hope this little thing we have going lasts forever,” he murmured. “Don’t want to go back to the way things were before.” When all he heard was a giggle, he added, “And yes, I liked the poem.”

She leaned back against him, looking up at him. “Thank you.”

He looked at her quizzically. “For what boss?”

She rolled her eyes, and he kissed her cheek -- he couldn’t help himself. “For being you,” she said warmly. “I don’t say it that often, but I appreciate when you talk to me and just… you know, talk to me about anything. It helped keep me grounded when I needed it most. So, thank you. I’m different than when you first met me. I may not show it, but a lot of me… internally… has changed.”

He looked at her with loving eyes. “You still holding on for tonight?”

She smiled. “For a different reason.”

They sat in serenity for a few, tender moments before he kissed the back of her head again, holding her tighter to him. She closed her eyes, enjoying the moment. He kissed the back of her head again before leaning forward and kissing her ear.

She shuddered, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up. “What are you--”

He kissed her ear again, nibbling softly at her earlobe. His hands held hers tightly as his heart pounded in his chest and his blood rushed in his head. He was surprised when he heard a soft moan escape her lips.  _ Holy shit. _

He kissed down to her neck, nibbling softly on her skin. He felt her tense in his arms, her hands squeezing his. Her head rolled to the side, giving him more access to her neck.  _ Holy fucking shit. _

His hands wandered to her waist, holding her tight as he kissed the new allotted skin on her neck. She squirmed, her hand reaching up and holding the back of his head, grasping his hair. She moaned again, ever so softly, as she felt his tongue sweep across her flesh. Every sound she made set his heart ablaze and his lungs breathless.

She abruptly flipped in his arms so she was facing him on her knees, and immediately mashed her lips against his, her hands pulling at the fabric of his duster. His arms clung on her waist, his hands shaking as he pressed tightly on her back. She parted her lips, running her tongue along his lower lip, and he opened his mouth to allow her access. The first feeling of her tongue against his caused him to let out a throaty groan, and he pulled her to his body, hard. 

She pulled away just a few inches from his lips, her cheeks rosy and eyes filled with desire. They were both breathing hard.

“W-what’s wrong?” MacCready asked between breaths, his fingers making lazy patterns on the small of her back.

She shook her head. “There’s, ah, nothing wrong RJ, believe me. It’s just…”

_ What did I do wrong?  _ “Just what?”

“We’re in the middle of the Commonwealth. There’s no defenses here other than our eyes. I want to be somewhere, uh,  _ safer _ … and a bit cleaner… if we decide to… for the first... you know.”

_ Oh _ . “The Commonwealth is hardly safe. I mean, there could be a Deathclaw downstairs just waiting to fu-- friggin’ kill us,” he smiled, kissing the corner of her mouth.

“Well, yeah I mean I know the entire country isn’t exactly safe but… I just want…” She sighed. “‘Old school’ doesn’t even begin to cover it. I just want a door that closes, maybe a lock on it, and a bed. And maybe a few hours of threat not looming over our heads. And we don’t have that here. I’m.. I’m sorry RJ, I really wa--”

He kissed her again, soft and sweet. “Don’t worry about that Nat. We have all the time in the world for that later.”

“You’re not upset?”

He laughed. “No, of course not. I’m just happy that I’m here, with you.” He brushed a strand of hair away from her face. “Happy. For the first time in my life, I’m happy. Can you believe it?”

She hoped the heart-eyes she was making wasn’t too obvious. He took her hand and brushed his lips against the back of it, and she blushed. 

She put her arms on his shoulders, looking at him through her eyelashes. “That doesn’t mean we can’t still…”

“I can’t believe you even  _ want _ to kiss me,” he murmured, pulling her down so she was once again sitting on the floor. She flung her legs over one of his own, and leaned against his bent knee for support. He absentmindedly twirled her hair with his fingers.

“Why do you think that?” She played with a string that was loose on his exposed green cardigan.

“Well, I’m not exactly built like that Brotherhood of Squeal Danse,” he muttered.

Natalie chuckled. “You think you need a six pack of abs in order to impress a lady? God, you  _ are _ young.”

He hoped she didn’t see him blush. “And I don’t exactly have a set of white teeth like you.”

“And? You lived in a fucking cave with no adult supervision. I’m surprised you have any teeth at all to be honest,” she snorted.

He swallowed. “And-and I’m a hired killer.”

She looked up at him. “That's… why I hired you,” she said slowly, confused. “If I didn’t want to be around it, you’d be in The Third Rail right now.” She turned her head, searching his face for an answer on why he was acting like this. “What’s going on RJ?”

“It’s, uh…” No.  _ I don’t want to ruin this today _ . “It’s nothing boss. We’ll talk about it later. Right now, I just want to be with you.”

Natalie smiled. “You going to keep calling me ‘boss’?”

“It suits you,” he smiled, pulling her tighter to his chest.

“Even when we’re having sex?”

“I, uh…” His face turned solid red.

She laughed. “Oh RJ,” she sighed.

He pulled her in for another kiss. She giggled before wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him tighter into an embrace.

Deciding who should be lookout first could wait. At this moment in time, they were all that existed in the Commonwealth.


	12. Kiss Your Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie gets hurt on the road to Goodneighbor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: graphic (ish) depictions of bullet wounds and removal of said bullet. You have been warned.
> 
> Some fluff, hurt, comfort, and cuteness all rolled up into one chapter. Oh and some sexual tension too. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

It was late afternoon in the Commonwealth. The sound of the river roared in their ears as they walked near the shore.

“The allure of the sea!” He joked, hands in his pockets. “What a crock.”

She rolled her eyes, looking towards the river. “Look, there’s a cute little tugboat right there,” she said, motioning excitedly at the ship. The top of the ship was wedged underneath the bridge, which was partially raised.

MacCready frowned when he noticed the makeshift path leading across the tugboat and to the barge it was still attached to. “Looks occupied.”

“Can you see anything?”

He gave her a sideways glance before unlatching his binoculars and putting them to his eyes. Natalie watched him with curious eyes. In a weird way, she admired him -- he was so young, and yet he’s a father, a widow, and he knows how to survive. “One day, you should show me,” she blurted.

“Show you what?” he asked as he scanned the tugboat.

“How to snipe,” she smiled, fiddling absentmindedly with her wedding ring.

He lowered the binoculars, looking at her with a smile. “There’s raiders on the boat. And you really want to learn? I mean, I’m the best damn shot in the Commonwealth.”

“I don’t doubt it,” she said flirtatiously. She ‘walked’ her fingers up the length of his chest. He watched her fingers, heat rising in his cheeks. “I just want to learn how to handle it right.” She gave him a _look_ that caused him to shiver.

He grabbed her hand, fumbling to holster his binoculars with the other. Her hazel eyes were confident and she _knew_ it drove him crazy. He brought her hand to his lips, kissing the palm of her hand before tugging on her arm to pull her to him. “I’m sure you know exactly how to handle it,” he murmured suggestively, planting kisses on her jawline.

“ _Robert_ ,” she moaned, and he swore he just heard the fucking angels sing. The way she said it… _Holy shit_. “RJ. We need to -- ahh -- t-to head to Goodneighbor.”

“Mmmmm,” he groaned, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her throat. He moved to her ear and began nibbling, one hand wandering to her stomach. “What’s wrong with right… now?” he whispered, his breath hot on her ear. She shuddered, her face getting flushed.

“Someplace safe,” she warned softly, her hands moving down his back. She bit her lower lip as his teeth grazed her neck. His fingers traced circles on her stomach through her flannel. “P-please.”

His left one last kiss on her neck before bumping his forehead against hers, breathing heavy. “You’re a goddamn angel, you know that right?”

She smiled under her eyelashes. “Just yours.”

He kissed her cheek. She turned her gaze on the building to her left, before smiling. “RJ, look. A clothing store.” They were standing behind Back Street Apparel. “I remember this store. I used to go here with some classmates. Sanctuary Hills could use some more clothes… So could I, to be honest. I wonder if there’s anything left.”

He stopped his assault on her cheek and looked towards the building. “This place is full of raiders. The word is all over Goodneighbor.”

She turned her attention to him. “There can’t be that many. We can do this.” She grabbed his hand, leading him towards the building.

“We’re going to get killed,” he warned, squeezing her hand.

“Not killed,” she said through gritted teeth as she fumbled with the lock on the front door. “Maimed maybe, but not killed.”

When they entered the front door, a raider waiting with a switchblade. She lunged at Natalie, who tried to dodge the blow, but wasn’t quick enough and was struck across the face with the blade. She tasted her own coppery blood in her mouth before she whipped the raider across the face with the butt of her gun. When the raider stumbled, she kicked her legs out from under hair and grabbed the fallen knife. The raider wheezed, falling to the ground as Natalie swiftly sliced the raider’s delicate neck.

Natalie wiped the knife on a piece of old newspaper nearby and turned to look at the mercenary. His eyes snapped to the blood on her lip, his eyes flashing with concern. He moved to walk towards her when she held a finger in front of her lips, giving him a harsh look. _Do not, do not fucking make a fucking sound._

Natalie pushed her hair out of her face, a small trickle of blood running from her lip. She wiped it slowly with the back of her hand, a glint of murder in her eye. She held her hand out to the side, fingers outstretched, and MacCready immediately knelt low to the ground, shimmying around her and off to a crack in the wall. He positioned his sniper in the crevice, glancing at her from the corner of his eye.

She carefully, _carefully_ stepped through the hallway and into the main part of the building, keeping a sharp ear for anything that sounded like something other than her or MacCready. Unfortunately, her foot kicked a tin can. Her breath hitched as she heard the tell-tale sound of guns cocking.

“Fuck,” she said under her breath, yanking her pistol from it’s holster and holding it towards the invisible enemy. She saw a flicker of movement from behind the main counter, but before she could react, the two raiders had their guns pointed at her.

It happened in a blur.

Natalie ducked behind a nearby counter as they simultaneously fired, etching holes in the staircase behind her. The smell of smoking wood and gunpowder overwhelmed her senses. She heard MacCready shout something (it sounded vaguely like “gotcha”) and the sound of his sniper fire (she’d know that sound from anywhere by now). She stood up from behind the counter, firing her pistol in the direction of where she thought the stronger looking raider was, only to shoot the door instead.

She turned her head at the sound of MacCready’s shout behind the wall just in time to see the heel of a raider turn the corner. She had no idea where the other raider was, and she didn’t care; she rushed back into the room MacCready was in and stood in the doorway just in time to watch a tooth fly out of the raider’s mouth from the blow of MacCready’s sniper. His body fell backwards towards Natalie, and she shot it in the chest once it hit the ground, for good measure.

She was breathing hard, watching the pool of blood forming underneath the raider. MacCready’s knuckles were practically white from his grip on his gun and he looked at her, her hair in tangles around her face and the familiar flush of sweat on her chest.

She was the first to speak. “Did you kill the other one?”

“Y-yeah,” he said, his eyes moving from the trail of blood, up her body to her face. “You need to be more careful.”

She blinked incredulously. “What?”

“You almost got killed,” he said, stepping over the corpse as he walked towards her. “Why don’t you look where you’re going?”

He instantly regretted his choice of words when he stared at her eyes. _God I’m a friggin’ idiot_.

Natalie was taken aback. She put her hands on her hips, narrowing her eyes at him with a challenge. “I didn’t fucking _see_ the fucking can, okay?” she hissed.

Before MacCready could say anything, there was the sound of a gunshot. In a flash, she screamed and gripped her forearm, her warm blood seeping through her hand.

MacCready practically tripped over his feet to get in between her and the doorway as she crumbled to the floor, screaming in pain. For the first time since Lucy, his hands shook as he focused his rifle square in the head of the raider, who was hidden on the staircase.

_Not her too, please not her too, please, PLEASE._

He caught a flash of movement on the staircase and he fired without aiming properly. He didn’t hesitate a moment longer -- he walked forward, aiming at the person who was now more visible on the stairs, and fired over and over again. The bullets hit the raider on the arm ( _fucking karma_ ) and in the lower abdomen. The raider lifted his gun with his last breath, and MacCready rounded the end of the staircase and sunk one last bullet in between his eyes. His body slumped against the wall, decorating the wallpaper with a trail of blood and entrails.

He quickly looked up the stairs and reached into his pack, pulling out a mine and placing it on the stairs, just in case. He hurriedly ran to Natalie, who was now sobbing in agony.

“MAC,” she croaked in a high voice. “Mac Mac M--” She was rocking back and forth on her knees, her knuckles white from her grip on her forearm. Her eyes were screwed shut, her glasses splattered with her own blood.

MacCready practically threw his sniper on the ground and knelt down in haste in front of her. His mind was racing, his blood was pumping, and he felt cold, so cold, all over. All he could think about was Natalie dying… Lucy’s face popped in his mind, and he pushed back tears that were burning his eyes.

“Let-- let me s-see,” he said with dry lips, his hands noticeably shaking. She shook her head, her cheeks stained with blood and tears. He pried her fingers off, one by one, until what he saw almost spilled his tears.

There was blood, _so much blood_ , that seeped through the arm of her flannel shirt and dripped onto her jeans. The entry wound was visible, however, until all the blood. MacCready’s eyes searched desperately for an exit wound… _Shit. Shit shit shit shit SHIT._

“It hurts so bad,” Natalie sobbed, tossing her glasses off her face. “It hurts it hurts it hurts--”

“K-keep your--”

“Mac--”

“Your h-hand--”

“Hurts so m-much--”

“Press--”

Natalie didn’t have the energy to say anything else. She sobbed violently, but kept her hand on her wound.

MacCready fumbled with his pack, trying desperately to remember anything, _anything_ that he picked up from Lucy. He pulled out a pair of long pliers that Natalie had given him to carry what seemed like ages ago. With shaking hands, he turned towards Natalie, trying his best to keep his composure.

“G-get your hand away. Take a deep breath.” He searched her eyes desperately, his hands fumbling to remove hers.

She removed her hand, turning her head away, her eyes still screwed shut. “Mac--” she breathed.

“I-I’ll get it out,” he tried to reassure her, his own voice shaking as he pulled her arm down to better light. He furrowed his eyebrows. “Shirt.”

Natalie took off her flannel shirt with her one good hand, wincing and whining when she moved her right arm as the shirt swept over the wound. Thankfully, she was wearing her white tank top underneath, her black bra visible under the fabric. She clung to the bloodsoaked flannel and gritted her teeth.

Mac pulled her arm down again, letting out a throaty breath. “Oh god,” he whispered softly. Natalie didn’t hear him. He looked at her. Her hair was tossed on the side of her face as she stared in the opposite direction, rocking softly, whining and moaning in agony every few seconds.

_I couldn’t save Lucy. And I couldn’t save her._

He pushed the thought from his mind as he turned his full attention to the gaping wound that was still profusely bleeding. With one hand, he pulled a somewhat dirty rag from his pack to soak up some of the blood, her blood dripping on his pants and duster. Then, he carefully positioned the nose of the pliers at the entry wound. “D-deep breath boss. Deep breath.” When all she did was whimper, he took a deep breath to try to steady his hands and pushed the pliers into the wound.

She let out a scream of pure agony, gripping the flannel shirt like it was her lifeline. Her sounds almost made him break right then and there. But she was relying on him to get the bullet out. All he could think of is Lucy, how it was his fault that she’s dead, and how Natalie’s death will be on his hands and conscious too. He couldn’t live with that. He _won’t_ live with that.

“S-stay still boss,” he pleaded frantically, pushing the pliers in a little deeper. He still couldn’t feel it…

“I’m so sorry RJ,” she whined in between sobs. “I’m so sorry. I’m so useless. I can’t do anything r-right. All I do is… is fuck everything up.”

“Stop…” he croaked, his tears now spilling down his cheeks. _Please stop please please I can’t take this_. He blinked a few times in a row, trying to stop himself from crying further. Burning eyes doesn’t exactly help with visibility.

“I have… no skills, I’m clumsy and even you admit it,” she hissed, and Mac’s stomach became riddled with guilt. “It should have been Nate. It should have been Nate. It should have…” Her chest heaved, her head spinning from anxiety, self-loathing, and blood loss.

“STOP,” he croaked firmly. It was at that moment that the pliers clunked against something. His eyes flickered to her momentarily, wiping the blood that was trickling down her arm. “I found it. Stay still.” He heard her suck in her breath. He slowly opened the pliers a little wider and felt for the edges of the bullet.

“I don’t feel good,” she muttered, clutching her flannel to her stomach.

“Just h-hold on,” he begged, gripping the bullet. _Should he just pull it out or go slow?_ He took a deep breath, steadying his hands once again, and began the slow process of pulling the bullet through her severed muscle.

“I’m sorry for not looking where I was going RJ,” she muttered.

“S-stop,” he pleaded.

“How do you know how to get a bullet out?”

He chewed his bottom lip, breath quickening the closer he was to releasing the bullet. “Lucy. She was a doctor.”

It was quiet after that, until he finally freed the bullet. He threw the pliers and the bullet on the floor, pressing the rag hard to her arm. He looked around for anything he could use as a bandage, before he spotted the corpse of the raider.

“Hold this,” he said, getting up and pulling her other hand so it was on top of the bloody rag. Once she took hold, he went over to the body, his own hands covered in Natalie’s blood. He grabbed the old shirt the raider was wearing and ripped off a piece of it, then ripped it in half again, pocketing the other half and going back to Natalie. He knelt in front of her damaged arm.

He rubbed his cheek with his forearm, wrapping the cloth over her arm once Natalie released her arm. He secured it tightly before going into his pack again and pulling out some Stimpacks.

She eyed the needle and frowned. “N-no…”

“Sorry boss,” he said, jamming the needle into her shoulder. She felt her stomach turn and she heaved up all its contents on the floor to her left. When she sat up straight again, her skin was pale and glistening with sweat, and rings were visible under her eyes.

“Sh--sh-- _dammit_ ,” MacCready stuttered when he saw how she looked. He put one hand on her forehead, his eyes skimming over her colorless face. “You need to lay down. Can you walk?”

She nodded, getting up and momentarily swaying in place. MacCready scrambled to brace her and led her into the main room. Stepping over the body of the raider he sniped, he opened up the back door to what was once the employee area. Thankfully, no one was in here, and there was a sleeping bag on the ground along with other knick-knacks like Sugar Bombs, water (which looked disgusting), old books, a lantern, a couch, and a table and some chairs. He helped her down on top of the bag.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, exiting the room in a rush. He gathered his sniper, her glasses and their bags before joining her again in the back room. He tossed his sniper on a chair and sat down at her side, dropping the bag in front of him and grabbing another Stimpack.

“I’m so tired,” she said weakly, her lips visibly cracked. He brushed the hair out of her face before administering another Stimpack to her forearm. He tossed the used needle somewhere behind him and clumsily reached into his pack for a bottle of water.

He scooted a little more towards her and held her head up with his one free arm, pressing the bottle to her lips. She took a small sip before coughing, and he accidentally spilled some on her shit. “Sh-- dammit,” he sighed.

She cracked a small smile. “Trying to make my shirt see-through?” she teased through lidded eyes.

He chuckled, putting the bottle down on the floor next to him. “Gotta admit, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.” He looked down at his hands, now stained red with her blood. He rubbed a part of his hands with his thumb, but the color barely came out.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated.

He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “Hey, stop saying sorry. I’m gonna secure the room. I’m right here if you need me.”

He got up, and Natalie heard a bunch of movement and things getting knocked over. Her body felt weird. Her arm felt hot, and she could swear she felt her pulse in her arm. However, the rest of her body felt unusually cold and frail. Her shoulder was sore from the two Stimpacks (and probably many more to come) that she received. She felt cold without the flannel, her bare arms and upper chest visible for the world to see. She gripped the ruined flannel in her left hand, pictures of Nate floating in her gaze.

He sat down next to her, straightening his back. “I put up some tin can chimes. I’d kill for a Protectron right now.” He paused when he looked down to her heaving chest, his eyes tracing the outline of her visible black bra through her shirt. He snapped his eyes back to her face. “How do you feel?”

“I want to sleep,” she murmured, her eyes already closed and her head off to the side.

He smoothed his pants. “Okay. I’ll keep watch.” He went to get up when she grabbed his knee.

“RJ. Stay with me. Please?”

He looked at her tired face and felt his heart flutter. “O-of course.” He positioned himself so he was laying down, his head on her legs. He pulled out of the comics she gave him from his bag and flipped open to where he left off.

She smiled, removing his cap and laying it on her chest. He looked up at her as her hand went through his soft brown hair.

“Get some sleep boss. I’ll be here.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Her eyes fluttered close and she fell asleep nearly instantly. He poured into his comics, finishing one and starting the next issue. He occasionally looked up at her, watching her chest rise and fall with each tender breath. He should probably give her another Stimpack and change her bandage, but she looked so beautiful that he didn’t want to disturb her. He focused on his comics, keeping a sharp out for any sound out of the ordinary.

It was past sunset when Natalie woke up with a splitting headache. She held her good hand to her head, gritting her teeth. She moved Mac’s hat off her chest and looked towards her legs, only to see Mac with his eyes closed, open comic on his chest. She squinted at him, smiling, before she wiggled her leg.

Mac rubbed his eyes, groaning and stretching his back before looking at her. “Hey beautiful. How are you feeling?” Some color had returned to her face.

“My head is going to explode.”

“Don’t do that, you’ll ruin my duster,” he teased, scooting on the floor so he was by her chest. He took another Stimpack from his bag. “Sorry boss,” he muttered, injecting her with the healing liquid. She screwed her eyes shut, a whimper escaping her lips. _Who knew she hated needles_.

He stood up and stepped over her, kneeling on her other side and pulling the fabric of the torn short from his pockets. She sat up, offering her arm to him. He gingerly began to untie the makeshift bandage, the gesture strangely intimate. Natalie felt her heart flutter as the blood-caked shirt was released, and Mac tossed it off to the side. He lifted the rag.

The wound was gooey, but the bleeding had mostly stopped. He gently traced his thumb along the side of the wound, and she felt his breath against her arm. “It could be worse,” he mused, gazing at the trauma. “You’re lucky.”

Her eyes fixed on him. “I am.”

He flickered his eyes up to hers, his ears in disbelief. He smiled to himself before wrapping the fabric around her arm, tugging it tightly in place and placing a soft kiss on the bandage. She watched his nimble fingers before looking back up into his eyes.

With her good arm, she placed her fingers lightly on his chin and pulled him down for a kiss.

This kiss was different. He hasn’t kissed anyone like this since Lucy. It was warm and inviting, and made his head buzz with words of love and yearning. He placed on hand on her cheek, kissing her softly and slowly. She ran her hand from his chin to the back of neck, kissing him deeper as he inched closer to her. He put his other hand on her spare hand, interlocking fingers.

He pulled away, his eyes sparkling with a mixture of disbelief and wonder. She opened her mouth to say something, but quickly closed it, and simply planted a chaste kiss on his lips.

“When do you think we’ll be able to head out?” she asked.

He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I dunno. I mean, you’re pretty banged up. Maybe you should take a Vertibird back to Sanctuary Hills and get looked at by Curie.”

“No Vertibird,” she said matter-of-factly, grinning.

MacCready sat down cross-legged, sandwiching her hand in between his. “Boss. About earlier… Look, I’m sorry for what I said. It was insensitive. And you’re not useless.”

She looked away, and he reached out and pulled her face back to his. He continued. “I’m glad it was you. I’m glad you came outta that vault. My world would be a hell of alot boring without you. And it’ll be a cold day in hell before I let anything bad happen to you. Ever again.”

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she blinked them back. “You… Are you serious?”

Mac smiled, his cheeks flushed. “I plan to walk this earth with you until the day I die. That give you enough of a clue?”

_Tell him Nat. You never said it enough to Nate and look what happened. Tell him girl._ “I… I don’t even know what to say,” she stammered.

He leaned forward again, smiling onto her lips before kissing her softly. “You don’t have to say anything.”

“Thank you Robert,” she whispered, kissing the corner of his mouth.

“And you stop with that insecurity bullsh-- crap,” he said. “You’re Natalie Meadows. You’re the leader of the Minutemen and a knight in the Brotherhood.” He said that last part with a bit of disdain, but he knew how much it meant to her. “You woke up 200 years too late and you got adjusted to life here, and managed to get a following of people. And you’ve touched almost every part of the Commonwealth. You’ve helped so many people Natalie. And you saved me, from myself. I was at a low point when I met you, and you’ve made me so fu-- friggin’ happy. I appreciate everything you’ve done, and so does everyone else.”

She shook her head, a smile creeping on her lips. “I think you’re the one who saved _me_. On more than once occasion, I might add.”

“Well maybe if you weren’t so damn clumsy…”

She playfully hit his shoulder, and he smiled. “Seriously. Can you teach me how to snipe?”

“Sure thing boss. But first, you need to get better.” He stood up, walking over to the table. “Hungry? Got some Sugar Bombs.” He stuffed a handful in his mouth.

“Sure.”

He grabbed the box and walked it back over to her, sitting down next to her. “We might able to head out by tomorrow. But you’re gonna have to let me cover you for a while. Don’t go charging in.”

“Speaking of which, are we alone in here?”

“Uhh...” MacCready looked towards the shut door. “I put a mine on the stairs and so far it hasn’t exploded, so that’s a good sign.” He shrugged.

“Maybe we can look for clothes out there…?”

“Tomorrow,” he said firmly. “You just got fu-- friggin’ shot. Let it heal for a little okay?”

She nodded, looking down at the Sugar Bombs in her lap. “Can I have my glasses?”

“Oh, right.” He got her glasses from behind the pack and put them on her lap.

She put them on, blinking. “I can see!”

He chuckled, taking a handful of Sugar Bombs and munching. “I forgot you’re blind,” he said with a full mouth.

“Thanks,” she said flatly, taking a handful of the sugary cereal. _God this shit is sweet. How do kids like this shit?_

She must have made a face, because MacCready started chuckling. “Oh man. You look like you just ate deathclaw.”

“Have some sympathy for someone with a bullet wound,” she giggled. Her eyes flickered to his comics laying on the floor. “How far did you get?”

They spent the next few hours sitting next to each other, reading his comics and eating the entire box of Sugar Bombs (interrupted only with 2 Stimpack shots, much to Natalie’s displeasure). He’d stop and excitedly explain the plot or who this character is, and half of Natalie really wished that she paid more attention to Nate when he told her these things. However, his face would light up when she’d ask a question, and it was so damn cute that she was glad she knew next to nothing about the series.

She looked down at the green text of her Pip-Boy and noticed it was pretty late. “We should get to sleep,” Natalie said, turning some buttons on the device.

“Right,” he said, getting up and taking the empty box with him. She wiped the crumbs from her jeans. “I’ll take watch tonight.”

She furrowed her eyebrows. “We have enough of defense,” she reasoned. “And we have an alarm if anyone tries to enter the door. Why not just sleep through the night?”

He looked down at her, defeated. “Well, okay boss.” He opened his pack and pulled out a rather large tattered blanket. It looked grey, but it was probably blue in another life.

“Lay down,” he said. She laid down on top of the sleeping back and he threw the blanket over her. She brought it up her face, and stuffed the ruined flannel under her head as a kind of makeshift pillow. “Comfy?”

She nodded, rolling on her left, so she wasn’t laying on her wounded shoulder and so she had clear view of the door. She took off her glasses and put them in front of her.

MacCready grabbed his hat that was on the ground and went over to the couch, throwing himself on it and yawning.

“Hey RJ?” she called from the covers.

“Mmmmm?”

“What are you doing?”

He opened an eye and looked in her direction. “I’m laying on the couch. What are _you_ doing?”

“I mean, why are you over there?”

He froze. He was going to play along. “Because there’s a couch here, and you have the only sleeping bag.”

She licked her lips, exhaling slowly. “I mean I know it’s not as comfy as a couch… Cause it’s on the floor and all… But… I-if you wanted to, we could, uh, sleep.”

He didn’t reply, and Natalie thought she just completely fucked up. Suddenly, she heard the sound of footsteps behind her. He appeared by the foot of the sleeping bag and reached under the blanket, untying her boots.

“What are--”

“You’ll be warm enough, you don’t need those.”

She curled up in herself when he heard the sound of his shoes coming off. He tossed his hat in front of her, and it landed on top her glasses. She heard the sound of clothes rustling as he removed his duster and cardigan, leaving only his white shirt. She heard a heavy thunk -- probably the sound of his spare ammo that he keeps around his leg falling to the floor. Her heart was hammering. She had no idea why she was so nervous, yet here she was.

There was no movement for a while, and then she heard him kneeling and felt him lay down behind her. He cradled her body with his own and wrapped one arm around her waist, his breath hot on her neck. She stiffened. He put his other arm under his head. “You okay boss?”

“Y-yeah,” she stuttered. “Do you flail?”

He chuckled, each exhale giving her goosebumps. “I don’t think so.”

“Then I want to lay on you.”

He sighed, then felt him get up and step over her. She shimmied back and he layed down where she originally was, and she rested her head on his shoulder immediately, throwing one leg over his own. With his useable hand, he brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. “Better?”

“Mmmm.” She smiled into his shoulder, her eyes getting hazy. She loved everything about him, even his warmth and natural scent.

He brushed her hair back, gazing down at her. “You’re goddamn beautiful. You know that, right?”

She shook her head.

“Are you for real?” His voice was soft. He traced patterns on her cheek with his thumb. “I’ll just have to keep telling you until you believe it.”

She felt herself blush. “I’m lucky. To have you.”

“And now you won’t get rid of me,” he chuckled.

“Who says I want to?”

They laid in silence for a few moments. The only sounds in the room was the sound of their breathing. He could lay here _forever_ if he could. He looked down at her, her head resting on his shoulder. Her breathing was steady and slow.

“Goodnight,” he whispered, before sleep overtook his bones.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He woke up first at dawn when the light from the window hit him in the face. He groaned, holding his hand in front of him to cover his eyes. He froze when he felt the sensation of a warm body lying on him. It’s a feeling he hasn’t felt since Lucy.

He looked down at Natalie, who was still sound asleep. Her mouth was open, and she looked so peaceful. Her right (wounded) arm was draped over his chest and her leg was draped over his leg. She stirred, cuddling up closer to him in her sleep.

_I love you_. He rolled his neck, getting the kinks out of it, before running his spare hand over her cheek, pushing her auburn hair out of her face. Her eyelids slowly opened.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” he murmured softly, running his thumb up and down over the skin of her arm.

“Five more minutes,” she yawned, closing her eyes again. He smiled.

Twenty minutes later, after drifting in and out of sleep, he ran his hand up and down her arm. “Boss,” he muttered sleepily.

She groaned, burying her face in his shoulder.

“C’mon,” he said, fumbling for his hat and knocking over the bottle of (closed) water in the process. “You need another Stimpack. Lemme check the wound.”

She sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes while MacCready went to the other side of the bag with a Stimpack in hand. “Well, you didn’t bleed through,” he said after examining the bandage. “I’ll change it once we’re on the road.” She flinched when she felt the press of the needle on her skin.

“What you’re doing with those needles is battery, you know,” she said, standing up.

“Go tell the Brotherhood,” he snorted, gathering up their things around the room.

She put on her glasses as he packed the blanket in their pack. She rolled her right shoulder. It ached something bad, but she could live with it as long as the rest of the journey was somewhat smooth.

She stuffed the ruined flannel in her own pack, before turning her attention to Mac, who was dismantling the tin can chime. He blushed when she pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“What was that for?”

“I need an excuse to kiss you?”

He grabbed her waist, planting a wet kiss on her lips. “Neither do I.”

Once the chime was dismantled, he grabbed his sniper that was on one of the wooden chairs. “Stay back,” he said to her as he creaked open the door slowly.

The room, however, was empty. The mine hadn’t gone off, either.

“Let’s look for new clothes,” she suggested, going to one of the racks and looking through it with her good hand.

MacCready wandered the bottom floor while she rummaged, and eventually decided to go to the stairs to dismantle the mine.

She yanked out any and all clothes -- she wasn’t picky at this point -- and shoved it into her bag hastily. In the meantime, he managed to deactivate the mine and put it off to the side of the stairs.

“Wanna go upstairs?” she asked, appearing at the foot of the stairs.

He removed his sniper from his back. “Just… stay behind me, okay? I got this.”

She rolled her eyes and followed him up the stairs.

Upstairs was surprisingly quiet. There were three more raiders, but they were all asleep (Natalie thought it must have something to do with the bottles of empty booze literally the floor). He nodded and watched her like a hawk as she used her silencer pistol to take them all out with quick bullets to the head.

They turned a tight corner and MacCready practically pushed her back as a spray of bullets from a sentry gun. He loaded his sniper and, carefully peeking around the corner and timing his shots, he managed to take down the gun without injury.

He gave her a look that practically screamed “fuck this shit” before advancing upstairs, Natalie stopping to gather things that she thinks could be used.

He watched her pick up the junk, like glue and coffee cups. “Why do you carry all that crap?”

“Because where you see crap, I see something that can be reused. And a memory.”

They eventually found a safe, which Natalie managed to crack. It was loaded with guns, various ammo, and some caps. On the desk though, was the real prize: Grognak the Barbarian issue #8 .

MacCready grabbed the comic, eyes wide. “Oh my god. It’s…”

“Take it,” Natalie smiled, stuffing a book in her bag.

Packs full and everyone happy, they exited the building. It was barely morning, the sun bright and creeping over the old buildings. Natalie sighed and looked east, in the direction of where they were going.

“Something wrong boss?” MacCready said.

“Let’s head straight to Diamond City. We have to backtrack just a bit, but I kinda want to talk to Nick more than I want the caps right now at Goodneighbor… Oh, and remember the house I purchased there, ages ago? We can drop off our things.”

MacCready cocked his head. “It’s also almost Christmas too. Piper worked real hard to set up Sanctuary Hills for you.”

“Well, we’ll just stay for a couple days and then take the Vertibird back. Maybe take Nick with us, if he wants. I know you said no Vertibird, but I want to get back in time.”

MacCready looked east, then back at his lover’s face. “Alright boss. To Diamond City.”

She started walking back west, towards the bridge, so they can head south without going through zigzags of buildings. MacCready trailed behind her, his hands in his pockets. “Don’t get too far ahead of me… I like being close,” he called to her.

Natalie stopped and blushed as he caught up with her. She slipped her hand in his, and it fit perfectly. “Careful. You keep acting like this, and I’ll never want you out of my sight again,” she teased.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way.”


	13. At Your Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ** NSFW **
> 
> Natalie goes to visit Nick, and they spend some much-needed time at Home Plate...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> This is my first attempt at writing smut, I hope I didn't screw up too badly. I wanted to showcase their insecurities with themselves and how the two of them are, as Mac puts it, two sides of the same coin. Please let me know how I did.

Thankfully, the duo made it to Diamond City with only 3 raider ambushes, and some scattered super mutants. By the time of the third raider ambush, the welcoming walls of the city was a beautiful sight.

“It still amazes me what became of Fenway Park,” Natalie said as she unlocked the door to her little residence. “I mean, I remember when I was little, sometimes the kids would say, ‘Man I love baseball, I wish I lived at Fenway!’ And, well, here we are.”

She opened the door, flicking on the switch to turn on the lights. Since purchasing it from the mayor ( _ 2000 FUC--FRIGGIN CAPS BOSS?! _ MacCready looked like he was going to faint), she’s outfitted it with tables, paintings, flags, a large bed, a small kitchenette, two radios, couches… You name it. 

She tossed her pack on the couch by the door and went to the far end of the room, yanking open the fridge door to get a room temperature Nuka Cola. MacCready’s eyes watched her as she bent down to look at the bottom shelf of the fridge, and he had to gulp hard at the sight of how her jeans clung to every curve, in every perfect way.

It hit him then that they never got around to installing the additional bed. And he doubted that she would be up for assembling a bed with her shoulder injury. Maybe he would take the couch? Then again, she quipped at him last night for even laying on it. 

Heat rose in his cheeks. Maybe with her shoulder she won’t want to…? Maybe she didn’t think of him that way? Maybe...

“Mac?”

He glanced down to see her with a puzzled expression, offering him a bottle of Nuka Cola. He quickly grabbed the bottle and opened it, pocketing the cap. “Thanks.”

“Are you okay? You’re acting weird.” She braced herself, both hands on the counter island behind her, and hopped so she was sitting on the counter. She winced, gripping her arm. “Fuck,” she hissed.

Setting his Cola on the opposite counter, he dropped his sniper rifle, leaning it up against the wall as he stepped in between her legs, hands immediately going to her bandaged wound. “Still hurting you?”

Her eyes flickered over his face. He had stubble growing over his jawline, which tensed as he began to unwrap the fabric of her bandage. Her eyes wandered to his soft brown hair under his cap, to his beautiful blue eyes. The color reminded her fondly of Nate’s own eyes, but Nate’s was more clear. RJ’s was the color of warm spring mornings, and she reminisced of the bluebells she used to pick as a child at her grandfather’s house. She glanced down at his lips, weathered like the Commonwealth but yet capable of rekindling even the most deepest of emotions in her heart.

She looked up at him through her eyelashes and placed a sweet, gentle kiss on his jawline. She felt him tense under her touch, his fingers fumbling with the final layer of the bandage. 

He swallowed hard, lifting his cap up before placing a hard, quick kiss on her lips in response. “You’re not making this easy boss.”

She smiled devilishly. “I’m so sorry,” she teased, running her tongue along her bottom lip. “Please, continue doctor.”

A smirk painted his lips when he realized he was being so deliciously teased. His eyes flickered over her lips, and thoughts of how soft they would feel against his bare skin filled his head. He exhaled slowly, doing a once-over on the wound, which had healed significantly but was still discolored pink. “I think… I think you’ll be fine. Another Stimpack might help. Do you want me to--”

The rest of his sentence was cut off when she threw her arms around his neck, pulling him down so he was just inches from her face. His face turned beet red and his arms went to the counter, on either side of her hips. She plucked the hat from his head and tossed it on the counter, behind her. Her eyes bore into his, her expression almost unreadable.

“B-boss?” He swallowed hard, his eyes not leaving hers.

She scooted on the counter towards him, before grabbing the collar of his duster with one hand and pulling him to her lips in a heated kiss.

She kissed with a ferocity and yearning that sent goosebumps down his arms. One hand tangled in her hair, and the other went to the small of her back. Her heart leapt at his touch as she moved her lips across his. The sudden taste of his tongue sent her into a frenzy, and she wrapped her legs around his thighs, pressing his semi-hard cock against her crotch.

He groaned into her lips, grinding his hips into her involuntarily. The sensation awakened something almost primal in him, and he dug his fingers into her skin and moved to her neck, biting and sucking on the skin there. He could feel her pulse under his lips, and he licked the area hungrily, her sighs and noises of approval sending his head in a tizzy. The hand on her back inched down and found its way under her shirt, his fingertips ghosting up her back and gripping her sides; he felt her shudder in response.

“ _ Robert _ ,” she moaned, and he ground his hips into hers again, making noises of approval against her neck. She was breathing hard, eyes closed in bliss at the sensation of his deft lips and tongue. Her hands moved down his chest and opened his duster in haste, fumbling for the buttons on cardigan. She began to unbutton it when she felt his demeanor change.

He pulled away, and she looked up at him with so much concern in her eyes that he thought he broke her. “What’s wrong? Mac what’s wrong?”

He ran a hand through his hair, trying to calm his breathing. His face was hot with lust. She looked so goddamn beautiful and sexy. And she wanted him. Him, of all people. 

His emotions swirled in his gut. Why did he stop? What was holding him back? It hit him then. He was afraid of disappointing her. He’s only been with Lucy and one half-ass attempt with another chick while he was with the Gunners. He was inexperienced and he wanted his time with her to be perfect, to make her feel good… And he was scrawny and didn’t consider himself that attractive. What if he takes off his shirt and she’s repulsed? He’s no Danse.

He’s no Nate.

When he didn’t answer, she cupped his cheek with her hand. “Too fast? I’m sorry hon. I’m so sorry.” She rested his forehead against his, his heart hammering in his ears. She was a fucking  _ angel _ and he didn’t deserve her.

He shook his head. “It-it’s not that. I just…”

“RJ.” She smiled up at him reassuringly. “It’s fine. You’re fine.”

He opened his mouth to rebuttal, but she tenderly pressed her lips against his to quiet him. He was in a trance, wrapping his arms around her waist as he instinctively deepened the kiss.

When she pulled away, her lips had barely left his, her breath sending shivers down his spine. “Let’s go have lunch,” she murmured. “Then we can see what Nick has to say.”

“Anything you want,” he whispered. His voice made her heart ache in want.

She grinned, playfully pushing him away as she hopped off the counter. She was wet and tingly, and hoped he didn’t notice how she shifted uncomfortably before leading him outside. He snatched his hat before following her like a lost puppy.

Lunch at Takahashi’s was fun. They sat away from the most trafficked section, just enjoying each other’s company. MacCready tried to balance a spoon on his nose, and failed. Hearing her laugh was like music to his ears. He’s never seen her so happy and  _ carefree _ before.

He followed her to Nick’s place, her hand firmly in his. When they opened the door, they were greeted warmly by the synth.

“Ah, so you’re finally here,” Nick smiled, setting down the clipboard he was reading. He had a lit cigarette in between his metallic fingers. MacCready leaned up against the back wall, feeling oddly naked without his sniper or scarf. Instead, he fiddled with a cap in his pocket.

“Hi Nick,” Natalie smiled, turning off the music of her Pip-Boy. She crossed her bare arms, suddenly feeling vulnerable. “Sorry for coming to you so, uh, late…”

Nick’s golden eyes switched between MacCready, who was very interested in something on the table to right, and back to Natalie, who looked a little disheveled. “It’s fine, doll. I know you got the Minutemen to run.”

Natalie’s eyes widened in surprise. “How do you know?”

Nick chuckled, extinguishing his cigarette on the dirty ashtray. “Word gets around fast that a pre-war vault dweller threw her allegiance in with the Minutemen.”

She quickly changed the subject. “So, Kellogg…”

They talked about Kellogg’s fealty to the Institute. They talked about what they could do now that he was dead. Natalie’s anger flared up at even the thought of possibly ever leaving Kellogg alive. “You know I’d kill him again, if I could. In a heartbeat. I have no fucking regrets.” MacCready shifted his attention towards the conversation. “I’d blow his brains out.”

Nick didn’t even flinch. “‘Get his brains blown out…’ Huh… You know, why may not need the man at all.”

Natalie eyed him suspiciously. “You’re talking in circles. What exactly are you planning?”

“Look, there’s a place in Goodneighbor called the Memory Den. Relive the past moments in your mind as clear as the day they happened. If anyone can get a dead brain to sing, it’ll be Doctor Amari, the mind behind the memories.”

Natalie wore an expression of shock and disgust. “You’re not seriously thinking…”

“We’re going to need a piece of Kellogg’s brain. Enough grey matter to bring to Amari and found out if this is going to work…”

“That’s sick,” MacCready suddenly piped up, grimacing.

“I know it’s grisly, but what choice do we have?” Nick adamantly explained to the pair. “We got no leads. Nothing. That old merc’s brain just might have all the secrets we need to know.”

Natalie sunk down in the chair in front of Nick’s desk. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

“We need that brain matter,” Nick pressed gently.

“Didn’t you get that weird… chip… thing?” MacCready asked, leaning on the chair she was sitting in.

She looked up at his face, not wiping the look of disgust on her face. “I washed that shit. I found it in his…” The look of comprehension dawned on her face.

She turned towards Nick, but he was already speaking before she could even complete her thought. “Cybernetics, huh? We may have just won the lottery.”

She rubbed her arms with her hands, resting her elbows on her knees. “I don’t want that shit implanted in my head… Please…”

“Don’t worry about that,” Nick said. “I’ll head to Goodneighbor. I have to go there anyway. Meet me there when you can.” He moved past them, before placing his metallic hand on her shoulder. She shivered and almost recoiled at the foreign feeling, but held her gaze firm on the synth. Nick spoke softly. “Don’t worry. We’re going to get your boy back. Just a few more steps…”

Nick held open the door for the pair as they filed out of his office, heading towards the direction of her home. She looked troubled. She looked at the ground the whole way there, her expression terrified and worried. She almost looked like she wanted to cry, but instead bit her lower lip, exhaling slowly.

MacCready watched her, desperate to help her but unsure of exactly what to do. Suddenly, she grabbed his hand, squeezing hard. “It’ll be fine,” she said. She sounded like she wanted to reassure herself. “It’ll be fine. Right?”

“We’ll get your son back, boss. I promise.”

They stopped at the door, and he lifted her chin with his calloused fingers so she was looking right into his blue eyes. “Hey,” he said soothingly when he saw her worried expression. “You’re a good mom, and you’re going to get your son back. And I’m right here. You point, I shoot, remember?”

“If I had just--”

“You did everything you could,” he pressed. “This isn’t your fault boss.  _ Natalie _ , this isn’t your fault.” He wrapped an arm around her as she fumbled with the lock on the door. 

“Then why has it taken me so damn long to do this?” Natalie swung open the door, gripping her hair in anger as she walked towards the center of the living area. MacCready gingerly closed the door, his eyes on her. “It’s fucking… I don’t even fucking know what it is anymore! What fucking month is it?! And I just… The Minutemen, and and… And fucking the Brotherhood… And being the head of a fucking settlement. And solving everyone’s day-to-day  _ shit _ . All distracting me. And  _ you _ .” She turned towards him, his face frozen with one hand still on the doorknob. “You’re the worst of all.”

MacCready’s heart felt like it shattered into a million pieces. She was looking at him, hands on her hips, with a look that said  _ you know _ . “Nat…” MacCready croaked.

“You’re just… argh!” She slammed her fist on the wall behind her, crumblings of the ceiling dusting to the ground. “I said I wouldn’t fucking do this. I said I wouldn’t do this with you. I’ve been saying it for fucking weeks and weeks.  _ I shouldn’t be doing this!  _ I shouldn’t be thinking this. RJ.” She was breathing heavy, her eyes piercing his heart.

Every word made his heart sink lower and lower. He would rather walk naked through the Glowing Sea right now. “I… I…”

She looked to the far wall, her eyes looking everywhere but him. Then she turned back to him, her eyes shining with unspoken tears. “I love you.”

He didn’t think it was possible to feel so many emotions swirling in his gut at once. His expression rapidly changed from sadness, to confusion, to surprise, to understanding, to awe. His mouth fell open and he closed the gap between them. Natalie folded her arms in front of her chest, looking down at the ground as the heat rose in her cheeks.

“You love me?” His voice sounded small compared to her. “What about… What about Nate? Your husband? I know he’s gone, but you still love him, don’t you?”

She spoke to the ground. “Would it bother you if I still love him?”

“I don’t know. I mean, we’re two sides of the same coin, right?” His hands moved to her shoulders, and she looked up into his eyes. Her own hazel eyes displayed a curious mixture of apprehension and want. “It’s true, I miss Lucy to death… but at some point we have to move on, don’t you think?”

“It… It might be difficult for me,” Natalie murmured, and he cupped her face so she was looking directly at him again. “But I think I can make it work.”

He searched her eyes for a moment, his heart hammering in his chest. “For once in my life, everything’s going right and I have you to thank for it,” he said in a hushed voice. “I don’t think anyone in the world could ask for a greater gift than that.” He brushed a strand of hair from her face, and tenderly placed a kiss on her forehead.

She gripped his wrists, closing her eyes. Her hands were shaking. She brought his hands down in front of her, interlocking fingers. Blush still coated the apples of her cheeks. “This is nuts,” she murmured. 

He silenced her by placing a warm, tender kiss on her lips.  _ She wants me. She loves me. She… _

She angled her head to the side to deepen the kiss, releasing his hands so she could press them on his back. He ghosted one hand over her cheek, cupping her jaw as he pressed hungrily into her lips, his other hand trickling down her arm. She opened her mouth and ran her tongue over his lips before pulling away, dragging his bottom lip between her teeth. He groaned in approval, looking at her with lustful eyes.

She flickered her eyes up at him, her lips parted as she exhaled slowly. Her cheeks were flushed, and he moved his eyes down and followed the lovely color until it reached the top of her breasts. He swallowed thickly, looking back into her eyes. The air between them felt charged. Tense. 

He felt himself freezing in place. God, he wanted to touch her. He wanted to make her feel the most intense pleasure she’s ever felt. And yet…

She narrowed her eyes, running a hand through her hair. “RJ, what’s wrong?”

He should have known by now that she can pick up on everything. “It’s… It’s nothing.”

“You’re a shitty liar.”

They stood in silence for a while, before she sighed. “Can’t you just talk to me? Is it me? Is it the age difference or, you just don’t like me? I know I’m not Magnolia or, or some other pretty thin girl but the least you can do is tell me.”

He blinked. “What? It’s not you at all. It’s me. You think I’m not attracted to you?” He tried to stifle a laugh at the ridiculous thought -- now would definitely not be a good time for that.

She shifted uncomfortably, digging her hands in her pockets. “I mean, I’m scarred and banged up, I’m bruised and my body isn’t exactly fit for a pinup girl. I’m nearing 30… Or I might even be 30, I don’t know anymore… And you’re so young and--”

“It’s not you,” he said firmly. He took off his hat, tossing it on the table (he missed). “I just can’t think you’d be attracted to  _ me _ .”

She screwed up her face. “Huh?”

He sighed, running his hand through the hair on the back of his head. “I didn’t eat my tatos growing up. I’m not…” He made a weird gesture with his hands. “I’m not like Danse, or… Or even Nate. And I definitely don’t deserve someone like you. I’m, well, I’m just a hired killer.”

Her expression softened, and she trailed one hand up slowly from his waist to his neck; he shivered under her touch. “But I love every inch of you,” she said softly. “I wouldn’t want to be around you if I didn’t.”

His heart raced under her touch, and he leaned forward, inches from her mouth. “And I love you and every inch of you.”

Natalie’s surprised gasp was muffled by the force of his lips on hers. She returned the kiss with eagerness, wrapping her arms around his neck and tugging her body against his. He started walking, only stopping when her back was pressed against the wall. His tongue was hot and delicious in her mouth, and she moaned when his mouth moved to her neck. She closed her eyes in bliss as his lips and teeth trailed down her delicate flesh, his hands on the wall on either side of her head. 

They broke the kiss, both of them breathing heavily, before Natalie tugged his duster off his shoulders, leaving it in a heap on the ground beneath them. It barely hit the ground before his lips were on her throat again, and one hand clung in his hair as he sucked the sensitive skin near her collarbone. Her fingers found the buttons of his cardigan and she fumbled as she undid them, her whole body trembling as he pressed his whole body against hers once the cardigan was fully unbuttoned. He let out a groan of approval as his hard cock made contact with her thigh through their pants.

She once again pushed the cardigan off in a fumbling haste, and it fell on top of the forgotten duster. She pressed his lips against his frantically and hungrily, her tongue dancing with his when he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, pressing her hard against him. She moaned, and one of his hands moved to grab her ass in response as the other braced them against the wall, the feeling of her breasts against his chest sending him almost into a frenzy.

It was her turn to kiss and nibble his neck, and she was surprised on how  _ loud _ he was. He was groaning with each kiss, his fingertips pressing deeper into her skin. She could swear she heard snippets of her name in the sounds escaping his lips. 

“ _ Robert _ ,” she breathed into his ear, and he groaned again, his hand making a fist against the wall. She nibbled his earlobe before whispering again. “B-bed. Up the stairs.”

He all but dragged her up the stairs to the first landing. They both stopped at the foot of the bed (Natalie insisted on building a bed frame for the only decent queen-sized mattress she managed to find in the Commonwealth), their lips interlocked in a heated embrace. When they pulled away, she gently nudged him away, so the back of his knees was against the mattress.

His heart was hammering in his chest, his whole mind in a blissful haze. He swallowed hard as he watched her gracefully lift her white tank top over her head and discard on the floor. His eyes traced the outline of her black bra and the shape of her breasts. The side of her stomach was discolored, and he eyed it with a heated curiosity.

She noticed his gaze, and moved her arm so it was blocking the worst of the old wound. His eyes met hers, and he saw her reflection of self-consciousness. “You’re beautiful,” he said softly, taking a step closer to her. “So damn  _ beautiful _ . Don’t hide yourself.”

She bit her bottom lip and looked away towards the bottom floor. “I got hurt. What f-feels like years ago, but it was a Deathclaw when I first went to Concord. I was wearing power armor, but I wasn’t good enough…” Her breath hitched when she felt the feather-light touch of his fingertips on the discolored skin. His eyes were serious, and it made her heart race and her stomach do somersaults. 

“I love you. And every part of you,” he murmured  into her ear, trailing soft, unspoken kisses down her neck. She angled her neck up to give him better access as his lips lightly trailed to her collarbone, sucking on the sensitive skin there. Within seconds, she was moaning under her breath, her hands hitching up the back of his white shirt as he kissed and teased.

He sat on the bed, pulling her so she was standing in between his legs. Natalie peered at him through her eyelashes as his lips deftly moved from her collarbone, down her chest, as his hands crept down her back in unison. They stopped at the back of her bra, and he kissed the parts of her breast exposed from the fabric. His hands fumbled in the back for a moment, and Natalie saw the heat rise in his cheeks. He swore under his breath.

Natalie couldn’t help but giggle. It was  _ so damn cute _ . Mac’s voice cracked as he tried to say something to explain the delay.

“Shhh…” She smiled as she ran one hand through his hair, and he looked at her like he was seeing heaven for the first time. With one hand, she quickly unsnapped the remaining hooks (he had two of them off), and let the bra cascade off her shoulders and to the floor between them.

His blue eyes eagerly looked at the prize before him. Natalie’s breath hitched, each passing second agonizing her senses. He was at the perfect level. He looked up at her, almost asking for permission. When she bit her lower lip, that was all the answer he needed.

His large, calloused hands skimmed every inch of her exposed flesh -- up and down her back, along her sides, down her arms... Natalie closed her eyes at the sensation, a smile spreading across her lips as he neared closer and closer to her breasts. When he flicked his thumb over her hard nipple, he was greeted with a soft moan.

Every touch of his hands sent electricity throughout her body, heat pooling progressively in her core. His eyes were mad with lust as he teased her nipples. Natalie cried out when she felt him take one of them in his mouth, her hands gripping his shoulders hard.

“Oh fuck,  _ fuck _ , Robert,” she gasped as he swirled his tongue around the peak, his other hand flicking and playing with the other one. The sound of his name was like a prayer from her lips, and he groaned in response, releasing her nipple with a lewd  _ pop _ before moving to the other one.

She clawed at his shoulders at the continued sensation before abruptly pulling his shirt over his head. He stopped to allow her to pull his shirt off, his mouth trailing down between her breasts and to her belly button.

“You are… so fucking beautiful,” he groaned in between kisses, the palm of his hand passing over her breasts. “So fucking beautiful.”

The sound of him cursing actually made her blush. But what made her blush harder was how his hands moved to the button on her jeans and quickly unbuttoned it.

She backed up a bit to step on the back of her boots to get them off, kicking them off to the side. He removed his own shoes as she was doing hers. His eyes burned into hers, and he leaned back a bit on the bed, the bulge very noticeable in his pants. He was blushing and breathing hard through his open mouth.

He looked so… intoxicating.

She walked back up to him, then straddled him, her knees on the bed on either side of his hips. His breath hitched in his throat. She’s an angel, a fucking goddess, and  _ she wants him _ as badly as  _ he wants her _ . She ground against his hips, her breasts pushing against his bare chest. His mind was buzzing as he groaned a very audible “fuck,” one hand grabbing the small of her back as he sucked on the skin around her nipples. 

She fell sitting onto the mattress beside him and laid down on the bed. His eyes watched her hungrily as she slipped her already unbuttoned jeans slowly down, past her hips, wiggling as she finally took them off. He swallowed thickly, his eyes slowly absorbing every inch of her body as they moved from her flushed cheeks, down her bare breasts, down her stomach and to the fabric of her black panties. They went down her long, creamy legs, all the way to her toes.

Natalie blushed harder. “You, uh, admiring the view?” she squeaked.

She heard him mutter “every damn day” before he crawled onto the bed on his hands and knees over her. He looked down at her, her auburn hair splayed in every which direction around her, her eyes full of lust and desire for him. Her lips and cheeks were red, and her ragged breathing made his cock ache in anticipation.

He gently laid a breathtaking, romantic kiss on her lips -- the kind that leaves you begging for more. He kissed her like she was the only thing that mattered to him. He kissed her like it was his last day with her. He kissed her as if the sun would not come up the following day. He kissed her in an attempt to show her every ounce of affection and love he had for her in his heart.

While he was kissing her, he unbuttoned the top of his own pants, but left them on. He braced himself with his other elbow, getting close to her body as his free hand ran up and down her right leg, near her knee.

“ _ Robert _ ,” she breathed, her hands tracing along his bare back. He kissed her throat hotly, his tongue tracing circles on her skin as she moaned under his touch. His hand ghosted up her leg, and he used his fingertips to trail over the fabric of the top of her panties before running his hand down her other leg, teasing her.

She writhed under his touch, and he couldn’t help but let out a throaty chuckle. With that same hand, he moved it once more up her leg before hooking it under the elastic of the top of her panties, teasing her by tugging it and letting go.

“Robert… P-please…”

_ Holy. Shit. _

He felt his face turn redder and he bit the area on her skin where her neck meets her collarbone. He traced over her heat on top of the fabric, and was surprised at just how soaked she was.

“Can I?” he murmured to her neck, and he felt her nod furiously.

He got to his knees in the middle of her legs and tugged her panties off, throwing them off to the side. His eyes scanned all over her body and watched her chest heave in anticipation. Her cheeks turned increasingly redder every time his eyes moved over her body. Heat rose in his cheeks too, and he felt his mouth go dry.

Natalie squirmed when he placed the palm of his hand on her upper thigh. “You’re so beautiful Natalie. All of you,” Mac said, caressing her thigh sensually.

Natalie swallowed thickly. “I, uh, haven’t d-done this with anyone since… since Nate, so…”

He saw the nervousness in her eyes, and let out a smile, though his hands began to tremble on her thigh.

Natalie watched him as he blushed furiously, and sat up in bed, kneeling in front of him so they were both kneeling on the bed. She placed a kiss on his collarbone, which made him groan. She slowly sank so she was sitting on her legs as she trailed hot kisses down his abdomen. She made soft patterns with her tongue, and he tangled one hand in her hair, groaning and moaning with each touch.  _ He’s super responsive… _

She got to the top of his unbuttoned pants and slowly trailed her fingertips over his bulge through the fabric.

“ _ Fuck _ ,” he groaned, his eyes snapping to look at her. She blushed, grinning, before trailing her fingers over it again. He was a quivering mess, his whole face flush, all the way through his neck. She went to the top of his pants and tugged them down to his knees, boxers and all.

“N-Nat…” he croaked as she took just a few seconds to look at him: decently (average) sized, good thickness, with a slight curve to the right. Beadlets of pre-cum had already formed at the tip.

She looked back up at his eyes and kissed his mouth hungrily as she took his length into her hand. He practically bit her lip in response, involuntarily jutting his hips against her abdomen. She slowly moved her hand along his cock, and he groaned furiously into her lips, cursing under his breath.

“God--- fuck--- N-Nat--- Natalie---  _ fuck _ ,” was all she could make out in his incoherent babble as she pumped his cock slowly. His hand tangled in her hair and his other hand slid down her chest and to her breast, pinching her nipple between his thumb and pointer finger. She gasped in response, picking up the pace of her movements, and he took that opportunity to capture his lips with hers, his tongue gliding into her mouth.

He gripped her hair, crushing her lips, and oh god he just wanted to taste her… To take her… Her hand felt incredible, soft and warm and oh so dainty against his length. He pinched her nipple again, before gently pulling her hair down so her neck was angled to him. He bit and sucked hungrily on the skin of her neck to her collarbone as his trail went down her abdomen to in between her legs.

“Robert…” she whimpered as she felt his fingertips glance over her sex. She let go of his cock and he nudged her gently onto her back, kneeling between her legs so he loomed over her. He ran one finger up and down the length of her wetness, his eyes burning into her as she threw an arm in front of her face, screwing up her glasses. She opened her legs wider.

He brushed that finger over her clit, and he was awarded with the most delicious, lustful moan he’s ever heard. 

He put his free hand on her upper thigh and sat on his knees, his other hand making small circles on her clit.

“Holy shit Robbie,” she hissed, chest heaving. Her free hand clawed into the blankets on the bed.

“Is this good?” he asked gently, prodding her opening with his pointer finger and placing his thumb on her clit. 

“Yes y-yes please,” she breathed, her voice cracking.

He dipped his pointer finger inside of her as his thumb teased her clit, and she arched her back in response. She never looked so damn beautiful in her life, and  _ he _ was doing this to her. He watched her chest heave as he slowly pumped his finger in and out of her wetness, his thumb gently ghosting over her clit. 

“ _ Robert,  _ Robert… T-that feels so good…” she encouraged, and he added a second finger, curling them upwards until she was a shivering mess. She slammed her hand on the bed, cursing incoherently as his expert merc fingers laced inside of her.

The sight of her made his hand leave her thigh and grab his length, softly stroking as he was getting her off. He rubbed her clit harder as her legs began to shake, and his fingers pumped into her faster. As his thumb flickered across her clit, he noticed how her legs began to shake and quiver, and how her bent knees kept trying to close -- he knew she was close. With one swift movement, he bent down and replaced his thumb with his tongue, sucking on her nub as his fingers pumped into her.

When she came, she moaned his name loudly, biting her lip as wave after wave of pleasure coursed through her veins. Both hands gripped his hair hard as she rode out her blissful orgasm, her knees squeezing his shoulders. Once her legs stopped shaking, he pulled out his fingers, running his tongue along them, then running his tongue once up and down her sex.

When he finally kneeled up straight, she was watching him with wide eyes, her cheeks and chest flushed with desire. Her eyes flickered up from his face, to his torso, to his rock hard cock.

He sat on the edge of the bed to take off the rest of his pants that were still around his knees, and he heard her moving behind him. He was surprised when he looked up to see her standing in front of him.

He immediately thought he fucked up. “Nat…?”

“I want to be close to you,” she murmured as she straddled him, her legs on either side of him on the bed. His breath hitched once he felt her wetness against his length. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders as his arms wrapped around her waist.

“Are you sure?” he asked, looking into her eyes.

“I’ve never been more sure,” she said softly. Reaching between them, she grabbed him and positioned him at her entrance. “Are you… I mean, do you want…”

“I love you,” he murmured, cupping her face with his hand. “And I hope this thing we have lasts forever.”

She gazed down at him lovingly, before slowly sinking her hips down his length.

“Oh… Oh  _ fuck _ ,” he hissed, screwing his eyes shut as he went deeper inside of her. His hand moved from her face to her shoulder blade, gripping the back of her shoulder, and his other hand quickly followed suit. He rested his head against her shoulder, breathing hard once he was all the way inside of her.

They didn’t move for a few moments, instead enjoying the sensation of being  _ one _ with each other. When Mac finally looked up at her, she was looking at him through lidded eyes. Her mouth was slightly parted, and each breath was ragged. Her hands gripped the top of his shoulders.

“You… You feel…” She rolled her hips once and he groaned and bit her shoulder.

One of his hands moved from her shoulder to grab her ass, pushing her to grind her hips against him again. She obliged, and he cursed again, gripping her ass hard. 

She fell into a slow but steady pattern as she rode his cock. His hands touched every inch of her skin that he possibly could, and he laid gentle, soft kisses on her shoulder, her neck, her breasts, her chest… She ran her hands through his hair, moaning every time she came down on his length.

“Fuck, oh fuck, goddammit Natalie,  _ fuckkkkk _ .” His breathing started to get erratic, and he started to more forcefully roll his hips up as she came down. He wrapped his arms around her waist snugly and broke apart, moving them so she was laying on the bed and he was over her. He entered her again, resting on his elbows on either side of her as she gasped in pleasure. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he crushed his hips against her again and again. He pressed his lips against hers, running his tongue along hers before breaking apart so he can moan loudly as he picked up the pace.

Her breasts felt amazing pressed firmly against his chest. He pressed his forehead against her shoulder, grabbing the back of her right thigh and holding it firmer against his side as he pounded into her.

“Rob-b… Don’t stop…” she gasped between breaths, her fingernails raking against his back as her head threw back in pleasure. She felt the familiar sensation of the heat building in her core. The bed rattled against the wall, his left hand gripping the bedsheets as he groaned at the sound of his name escaping her lips.

His right hand left her thigh and went up to her chest, fumbling with what he could grab of her breasts. His mind was in a haze, he felt like the whole room was swirling. All he could see was her, all he could smell was their lovemaking, all he could hear was her beautiful, beautiful moans and the sound of flesh hitting flesh.

“Right… there…  _ Robert _ !” He bit into her shoulder,  _ hard _ , when he felt her orgasm around his cock -- he felt like he was going to spill inside of her right then and there. Her fingernails dug into his back and her legs pulled him hard against her, and he paused his movement for just a split second so he could enjoy the sensation of her walls convulsing around his length. Enjoy the fact that  _ he did this to her _ .

He rode the end of her orgasm, pulling up so he was bracing himself on his arms on either side of her. She looked up at him, beads of sweat across his brow and flush creeping along his neck and chest. He bent down to put a sweaty, wet kiss on her lips, before leaning back up and watching her breasts bounce with each thrust. His eyes glanced over the numerous hickeys he left on her shoulders and breasts.

His breathing got ragged when she moaned again, closing her eyes and biting her lower lip. He swallowed hard, growling her name as he thrust into her at an increased pace. 

“Oh  _ Natalie _ ,” he moaned almost sweetly, pressing his lips to hers as he braced himself on one elbow and pulled himself out with his free hand, spilling his seed on her stomach. He pumped his cock as he came, cursing softly under his breath. “Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh  _ fuck _ …”

He let go of his cock, bracing himself on either arm beside her shoulders. They were both breathing hard, looking at each other as they trembled. She leaned up and kissed him sloppily before he groaned and rolled onto his back next to her.

Sounds of their heavy breathing filled the air, and the place smelled like sweat and sex. She finally turned her head to the right, taking in the outline of his face. His eyes were closed, one hand splayed over his chest.

When he finally looked back at her, he said softly, “I love you.”

She smiled, his heart throbbing at the sight of her afterglow. “I love you Robert… Robbie… RJ… Mac…” She giggled between each name.

He grinned. “I’ll never get tired of hearing you say my name like that.  _ Especially _ like  _ that _ .”

She reached towards the nightstand and grabbed a rag from the bottom section, wiping up his cum from her stomach as best she could and placing the rag on the floor. She then rolled onto her side, snuggling up against his chest, her head resting on his shoulder.

His arm wrapped around her shoulder when she pressed into him. He exhaled slowly. “With you at my side, I feel like I can take on the world.” He gazed down at the top of her hair (which was totally sex hair), his thumb tracing circles on her forearm. “I haven’t felt closeness like this in…”

She pressed a kiss against his chest, her left arm tracing lazy patterns against his bare stomach. Her whole body was spent. “Since Lucy?”

“Yeah,” he breathed. A twinge of guilt panged in his heart. He imagined that she must feel the same way -- her wedding band was still on her finger. “Lucy was… She was special. Beautiful. Strong. But so are you.” He placed a kiss on the top of her head.

His heartbeat lulled her into a sense of security. Her eyes fluttered closed, the sound of his breathing making her head hazy. “Tomorrow, Goodneighbor?”

She heard him chuckle. “Tomorrow. Tomorrow is the first step of getting your son back. And I’m with you, every step of the way. For now though…” He pulled her tighter to him and yawned. “I could go for a nap and a cigarette.”

She giggled, moving her head so she was looking up at him. His eyes gazed down on hers lovingly. “I want to stay right like this, forever.”

“Anything you want, angel,” he murmured as his eyes fluttered shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that when Nick first tells you about Memory Den that Piper is there, but I couldn't think of any reason in game why she would suddenly be in Diamond City when she was taking care of things in Sanctuary Hills (for Christmas and all). While I try to keep this story as canon-compliant as I possibly can, I simply couldn't explain it logically, so I had to omit her and tried to work around it.


	14. Synths, Ghouls, and Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie is tasked to go to the Glowing Sea to find her son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I am so honored and happy to see how many people enjoy my little fic! Every time I go on Tumblr I have asks or I'm tagged in a post where people are recommending it! You guys are amazing, and I hope I can continue to make you happy throughout this fic!
> 
> This chapter is a bit slow and there's almost no action. But it's an important chapter for later in my fic.
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)

_ He looked down at Duncan, snuggled in his arms, as Lucy fumbled for something in her pack. The light was dim underground, but they made do with what they had. Duncan had fallen asleep almost an hour ago, and MacCready wished he could just fall asleep soundly like that, but he always slept with one eye open. He couldn’t afford to get comfortable. He had a wife, a son, and was a member of a mercenary group -- and he was barely 18. No, he couldn’t sleep soundly -- too many people depend on him. He had to protect them. To be there for them. _

_ He promised them. _

_ “How many hours until dawn you think?” Lucy asked, fiddling with some ammo she pulled from her pack. _

_ “Dunno. Maybe 3 or 4,” MacCready said, their footsteps echoing in the hollow tunnels. _

_ “We should stop for the night.” _

_ “Here? We’re sitting ducks if we stay in this shithole,” he protested. _

_ “Language dear. Remember that kids are like sponges,” Lucy teased, nudging him in the shoulder. _

_ “He passed out hours ago…” His voice trailed as he looked down at his perfect son, his heart swelling with pride. Lucy ran her finger down his chubby baby cheeks. “And he can barely hold his head up, and you’re worrying about my mouth? _

_ Lucy ignored his comment. “He has your eyes, you know,” she sighed. _

_ “Yeah…” They both looked at the sleeping Duncan, before MacCready cleared his throat. “I guess we can stop here. You should probably get some rest.” _

_ “You’re the one who turns into a Deathclaw if you don’t get a few hours of z’s,” she retorted, giving him a look. _

_ He grinned sheepishly. “What can I say? Man’s gotta sleep.” _

_ Still, the family had decided to stop in what used to be a ticket booth. The windows were all blown out, and there was no door on the other side, but they had slept in similar situations without an issue. Mac was a quick shot with his sniper, and Lucy was amazing with a pistol. Plus, with all the openings, they’d be able to hear anything coming before it gets to them. _

_ In front of the booth -- and no one was exactly sure how -- was a fallen train car, that looked like it came from the roof… somehow. Either way, they were able to see the stars of the night sky from the train-sized hole in the ceiling. Lucy pointed out that they can leave at first dawn since they were now able to see outside. _

_ Lucy sat on the inside counter of the booth, her back pressed against the wall, dangling her pistol in front of her. She looked down at the floor, where Mac was curled up around Duncan possessively. They snuggled up and fell asleep a few hours earlier. Her love for the two boys shone brighter than any star in the night sky. _

_ There was a shuffling noise behind her, and she was quick to turn in the direction of the noise, holding her breath. Her expert eyes scanned the wreckage of the train cart, freckles of dust prominent in the moon’s rays.  _

_ “What was that?” came MacCready’s hushed, barely audible whisper. He always slept with one eye open. _

_ She waved her hand dismissively. Mac looked down at Duncan, who was still sound asleep. _

_ Lucy turned her head towards the pair. “Maybe it was some debris falling. There’s nothing out there.” _

_ Mac glanced sideways at the rusted sniper rifle against the wall. He didn’t have enough caps for a better one, but it helped him out before and he wouldn’t leave anywhere without it. _

_ Lucy saw his concern. “Hon, I looked, I didn’t see---” _

_ She was cut off by another hard-to-place sound. Her head cracked towards the train wreck, pistol ready to fire. Her eyes scanned wildly for any source of the noise. Duncan stirred in his sleep. _

_ MacCready’s breath hitched in his throat. He reached for the sniper, grabbing it with the tips of his fingers.  _

_ There was an audible ‘click’ as Lucy cocked her gun, pointing it out into the darkness of the metro station. Her adrenaline was pumping. Should she leave the confines of the booth to take a look around? _

_ She turned around to face her husband and son, still sitting on the counter. “I should go look and see what it is. You wait here and cover.” _

_ “No. I said I would protect you, and I will. I’ll go.” _

_ She narrowed her eyes. “Stay here with Duncan!” _

_ The next few minutes -- what seemed to Mac like hours -- forever burned in his memory, his very soul.  _

_ One long, red and rotten arm reached through the broken window and grabbed Lucy by the shoulders. In her surprise, she fired her pistol at the ceiling and dropped it, and Duncan woke up, wailing. Lucy screamed as she was dragged through the window, trying desperately to hold onto the sides of the old window frames to stop them. MacCready’s eyes widened and he forgot how to breath as he watched in horror as she was pulled through the window. _

_ Sounds of scuffling, screaming, and groaning filled his ears. There was more than one. He didn’t know what the fuck to do, everything was happening at once -- so in a split second decision, he grabbed Duncan and held him in his one arm, and grabbed his sniper with the right and ran outside of the ticket booth. _

_ He held Duncan tightly as he rounded the corner and saw three ferals, fighting Lucy. She was kicking and elbowing them away wildly, but she was also on the floor and couldn’t run. Two were behind her, grabbing her shoulders and trying to pull her to god knows where. She managed to kick the legs out of the other one, who was crawling on the floor towards her.  _

_ “LUCY,” he called, panic setting into his bones. He cocked the sniper with his infant son still wailing in his arms, but he fumbled because his hands were full. _

_ He also never fired a gun with something like an infant child in his arms. He pressed Duncan closer to his chest and, doing the best he could, held the sniper with both hands and fired in the direction of the crawling feral. His shot connected with its head, and it fell over in a slump. _

_ That’s when it happened. _

_ One of the still remaining ferals bent down and ripped Lucy’s arm to shreds. Her blood and torn muscle splattered in every which direction, and Lucy howled loudly at the sheer pain. _

_ “LUCY!” Panic, fear, anger, his heart shattering. He felt like he was going to throw up. He was only vaguely aware of the distinct sound of ferals groaning coming from behind him. He aimed his sniper at the one who was mutilating her and fired. _

_ He missed. _

_ “Behind… you…” Lucy croaked as her mouth filled with blood. She lifted her other arm weakly as the other feral clawed at her back, her blood coating it's disgusting claws. _

_ Mac turned in time as a feral swung at him, but he knocked it away with the butt of his gun. His ears were ringing from a combination of adrenaline and Duncan’s high-pitched crying. When the feral stumbled back, hands on it's now bloody face, he noticed in horror that five more were filing up the old escalator from the bottom floor. _

_ He was frozen, his eyes shining with unspoken tears. Fear. “I…” _

_ “Take Duncan and go!” Lucy managed to say as she struggled against the two ferals, even with a useless arm. He didn’t move. “NOW! TAKE DUNCAN AND GO! NOW GODDAMMIT!” _

_ Mac’s feet hit the ground running. First he turned to the booth to get their pack, but the path was blocked by the ferals who came up the escalator. They were getting closer to him. Their rotting flesh stung his nose.  _

_ So he ran towards the exit. _

_ He ran as fast as he could, pushing away the feral who lunged at him, his tears hot on his face. When he got passed the old turnstile, hopping over it and clutching Duncan with every ounce of his strength.  _

_ A feral grabbed him from behind. He elbowed it as hard as he could and ran. The feral grabbed onto his sniper in a feeble attempt to capture the pair, but Mac shrugged the gun off his shoulders. It fell to the floor with a hallowing ‘clank’. _

_ He bursted through the doors to the outside, almost tripping over his own feet as he ran as fast as he could into the night. He ran past broken buildings and decayed dreams, to a world harsh and unforgiving. To a world that took his only love. _

_ He stopped when he reached the top of a hill. Sitting on top of his hill was an old dumpster and half of a wall -- presumably a store once stood here, in a time long since past. _

_ He slumped against the wall, cradling a crying Duncan. _

_ “Shh, shh, Duncan… Dun…” His high-pitched voice cracked with each word, and he was rocking back and forth with Duncan secured on his bent legs. His tears fell on his son’s face, and Duncan quieted, looking up at his father. _

_ “D-Duncan… Duncan… Oh my god… Oh my GOD….” He felt out of body. His head was spinning and the tears would not stop flowing. He looked down at the helpless child in his arms, his eyes the same color blue as his own. He felt guilt and grief. “I’m-- I’m s-sorry Duncan… I couldn’t save your m-mother… I k-killed your mother… Lucy… LUCY!” _

_ He cradled the child to his chest, and sobbed until his body couldn’t produce any tears. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m s-sorry… Everything’s gonna be okay… It’s g-gonna be okay… I got you...” he croaked in between sobs. He left the pack of food, stimpacks, and supplies in the station; he fucking dropped his sniper, and he has no other weapon; and he killed his wife. Now he has his infant son relying on him for food, shelter, and protection and he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.  _

_ He closed his eyes, his body too weak to move. The sun started to creep over the horizon, but all he wanted to do was wake up. Wake up from this nightmare, this hellish fucking landscape. _

_ Wake up, MacCready… _

_ Wake up. _

“RJ? Wake up!”

His eyes bolted open, his breath hard in his throat. His whole body was covered in sweat. He turned his head to the sound of the voice, and looked face-to-face at a pair of hazel eyes, who looked deeply concerned and worried.

It was only then he realized he was in her bed, naked under the covers. Her’s. Natalie’s. 

He swallowed hard, his throat dry and a little bit sore. Whether it was from crying in his sleep or from having incredible sex, he didn’t know. “What’s happening, knockout,” he said with a small smile. He realized that she was still naked too, and looked half-asleep.

Natalie shook her head, narrowing her eyes. “Oh no. None of that. Are you okay?”

“Why? Did I worry you?”

Natalie frowned. “You were… You were crying, and calling for Lucy. Do you still dream about her?” She paused, then added, “About what happened to her?”

He ran a hand through his hair, his heartbeat finally calming down. “Yeah. It never ends. It never goes away. I keep thinking that, that maybe if I had done something different, she’d still be alive. Now she haunts my dreams, and it’s like a bad hit of Psycho. It doesn’t get any better.”

He looked at her silhouette, her gentle breathing and her concerned eyes. He wrapped one protective arm around her soft waist. “Do you still dream about Nate?”

“Sometimes,” she said softly, nestling into his side. “But my dreams have changed. I used to dream about being in the vault, banging helplessly on the glass while they shot him and took Shaun… But now I dream about him in the horizon of the new Commonwealth, and I’m running after him through radiation but… I can never catch him. I keep trying as I get radiation sickness. I can never reach him.”

There was a long pause while he absorbed her words. “Do you want to know what scares me the most?”

“Mmmm?”

“Losing you like I lost her.”

“You won’t lose me…”

“I was hired to protect you. I want to protect you. I’ve been getting reckless, taking more risks than normal… Just to make sure you’re safe. I can’t lose you. You’re all I have. What if I can’t? What if I miss the shot…?”

Natalie propped her head up on his chest, looking at him through tired eyes. “You’re the best damn shot in the Commonwealth. In the world.” She leaned up a bit, rubbing the tip of her nose against his playfully, before placing a quick kiss on his lips. He couldn’t help but smile at her childishness. “And a pretty damn good doctor. I feel so helpless without you sometimes…”

“Helpless? You have the world on your shoulders and you’re standing tall. You fight for what you believe in. You’re far from helpless… You saved me from myself. The Commonwealth needs you.  _ I  _ need you.”

She looked at him, absorbing the gravity of his words. She rested her elbow on his chest, propping her head up on her hand. “I still feel so out of place. Like I’m going to wake up and it’ll be October 24, 2077. It’ll be Sunday morning and that’s when I go grocery shopping. But I’ll need to get gas on the way, since Nate would ‘forget’ to fill up the tank. Then I’ll come home and do case evaluation summaries while Nate rocks Shaun to sleep in his arms, snoring in front of the television. Because I need to go to court on Monday mornings several miles away.” Her eyes looked sad and distant. “But that day… it came and went a long time ago. I’m out of place, out of time, out of options. I just want to survive until I can get Shaun back. And part of me doesn’t know how to do that.”

He absentmindedly rubbed her arm with his fingertips. “What will you do when you find Shaun?”

“I’ll…” Her voice trailed, her eyes screwed up in concentration. “I’ll take him away from the Institute. I’ll free him of their influence. I’ll… Well…”

“Hmm?”

She paused before answering, slowly and carefully. “Would Duncan want a playmate?”

He stared into her eyes in disbelief. “You’d want…?”

“Well, I mean, children need their parents. Once Duncan gets better, we should… I don’t know. I need…” 

“Shh,” he breathed, sitting up in bed. She sat up next to him as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “One day at a time. Let’s get Shaun back first. Then we can worry about that sh-- stuff later.”

“Who’s watching Duncan anyway?” Her fingers traced lazy patterns on the top of his leg.

Mac smiled. “You’d never believe this, but she came from a vault too. She left the vault searching for her dad…”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The experience with Nick in Memory Den had been harrowing. The machine she sat in reminded her of her prison in the vault, and she was terrified through the whole process. She was acutely aware of the sound of her heart hammering in her ears. When the hinge finally opened, she all but threw herself on the ground, flashes of Kellogg’s memory seeped in her head. MacCready rushed to her side to lift her up.

“Are you… ready to talk about what happened in there?” Amari’s voice was concerned after MacCready helped her to her feet.

“You were along for the ride, weren’t you? You saw what I saw.”

“Yes, but it’s important we review everything together. In case either of us missed anything.”

It was only then she noticed Nick was gone. She clutched the side of her head, MacCready’s hands steadying her back. It was a dull ache. “I saw Kellogg’s life… The man who ruined my family… The man I killed…”

Amari let out a small smile. “That’s right. He was a human being just like the rest of us, and he had reasons for being what he was, however cruel.” Natalie shot her a look. “How does that… make you feel?”

“I hate him even more. I’d kill him again if I had the chance,” Natalie snarled. She heard MacCready quietly snort.

“We’re getting off track,” Amari said hastily, ignoring Natalie’s hostility. “The important thing is we discovered the Institute’s greatest secret. Teleportation. The only question is, what do we do now?”

Natalie ran a hand through her hair -- it was getting longer and more prone to get in the way. “That scientist Kellogg was supposed to track down. Virgil. We need to find him.”

“You’re right! A rogue Institute scientist could answer all kinds of questions. Where did the memory say he was? The Glowing Sea?” Amari’s eyes flickered with confusion. “That doesn’t make sense. No one goes there. Not even if they were desperate.”

She’s never really heard about this ‘Glowing Sea’ before. Is it out by the bay? Is the ocean glowing? “Why? What makes the Glowing Sea so dangerous?”

“The name says it all. Radiation. So much that nothing there could possibly live. Nothing… pleasant… Navigating radioactive hazards is nothing new, but the Glowing Sea can kill a man in seconds. That’s why it doesn’t make sense.” Amari folded her arms in front of her chest as MacCready fiddled with a cap in his pocket. “Virgil fleeing into that hell. The exposure alone…”

“Who’s to say he’s not a ghoul or whatever else radiation doesn’t affect? I don’t even know anymore,” Natalie shrugged. “Either way, if we need to find Virgil, I’m going after him.”

“If you’re going to go, be prepared. You’ll need some way to combat the radiation there. It’s called the Glowing Sea for a reason.”

Natalie was still trying to pinpoint in her head exactly  _ where _ this was. She remembers the bombs falling, but it was so many miles away that she couldn’t remember where exactly they fell. “How do I fight that much radiation, doctor?”

“There are chemical compounds,” Amari said, walking over to a nearby table and picking up some clear bags filled with a sickly colored looking fluid. “Rad-X, Radaway.” She turned and handed a few bags and bottles to Natalie. “You’d need as much as you can carry. Maybe more. A sealed environment suit would be great, if you could find one. Or maybe… one of those suits of Power Armor? That would be perfect.”

MacCready took some bags from Natalie’s hands and started stuffing them in his own pack. “I’ll find a way to get through the rads. Don’t worry,” Natalie smiled.

Amari smiled warmly. “Good luck, and… be safe. By the way, I unplugged Mister Valentine first. Removed the implant while you were waking up. He’s waiting for you upstairs.”

With the last of Amari’s gracious supplies stowed away, the pair headed up the stairs. MacCready followed her more closely than he normally does. He figured she might need him closeby.

They found Nick sitting on a couch near the exit of the building. When Nick saw them, he extinguished his cigarette before standing up to greet the pair.

“Nick,” Natalie smiled at the synth.

“Hope you got what you were looking for inside my head.” Nick’s voice… didn’t sound like his voice. Natalie’s blood pumped harder as her breath hitched in her throat.  _ Kellogg. Kellogg took over Nick. The synth. Can synths just be that easily controlled??  _ She quickly grabbed her pistol and aimed it at the synth, ready for the moment it attacked. MacCready put a hand on her shoulder, gripping hard as Nick spoke. “Heh. I was right. Should’ve killed you when you were on ice.”

Her hands began to tremble as she stared at Nick’s glowing yellow eyes. She heard MacCready mumble something before his hand left her to reach for his sniper on his back. Natalie cleared her throat, mouth dry. “Kellogg? Is that you?”

Nick blinked. “What? What are you talking about?” His voice was back to normal. He paused as he stared down the barrel of Natalie’s gun, MacCready’s hand gripping the butt of his rifle still on his back. “Mind lowering the gun?”

Natalie shook her head, confused and irritated. “What the fuck was that? You… feeling alright Nick?”

“I’d feel better if you lowered the gun, and tell your boy toy to do the same,” Nick grumbled. Natalie lowered her gun, but didn’t holster it, as her eyes narrowed over the synth. MacCready dropped his hands only once Natalie lowered her weapon. “I’m fine though. Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why’? You sounded like Kellogg just then. He was talking through you.”

“Did I? Amari said there might be some ‘mnemonic impressions’ left over… Anyway, I feel fine, so let’s get going.” His robotic eyes scanned over MacCready, who was looking at him with suspicion and worry. “Or I could head back to Diamond City, since you’ve got company already.”

“I…” She holstered her gun, looking behind her at the mercenary. She turned back to Nick. “Synths are immune to radiation, right?”

“You hit the nail on the head,” Nick smiled.

MacCready looked at the side of Natalie’s head. She isn’t seriously considering taking him?  _ No way. No way no way no way. I’m not leaving her, with this synth with… with ANYONE, all the way in the Glowing fucking Sea. _ “Boss,” he said softly, and she turned her concerned eyes towards him. “You can’t seriously be considering this. Take me. I was… I was hired to protect you. I know I’m a damn good shot but I can’t shoot across the Commonwealth…”

“How do you suppose we  _ both _ get across the Glowing Sea then?”

“Well, well,” he said, puffing his chest like he just thought of the best damn plan on the planet. “We can put you in one of those Power Armors, right?”

“And what about you?” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Last I checked, you were awfully human.”

“I’m no stranger to Rad-X, boss…”

She sighed in exasperation, turning back to the synth. “I can’t think of this right now. I need to get back to Sanctuary Hills. Piper was really looking forward to celebrating Christmas.” She shifted on one foot, looking at Nick. It’d be only proper… “Wanna come Nick?”

Nick rubbed his nose with his mechanical hand. “Sure kid. I’ll head to Sanctuary Hills now so I can make it on time.”

“You can take a Verti--”

Nick interrupted her with a low chuckle. “Can you imagine the Brotherhood letting someone like me in their aircraft?”

Natalie felt a twinge of guilt in her heart. Her affiliation with the Brotherhood wasn’t exactly a secret, and here she was skipping around with them and can’t even repay the favor of a synth who helped her when she needed it. “Okay,” she said quietly.

The trio left the establishment, with Nick departing to Diamond City first to speak with Ellie before leaving to Sanctuary Hills. 

Natalie folded her arms in front of her chest as they made their way through the crumbling streets of Goodneighbor. This didn’t sit right with her. She had no idea where the Glowing Sea even was, let alone who to bring her or how. She felt like this was moving fast, and yet, it was slow at the same time. 

“Something eating you boss?” MacCready said at her side, his hands buried in his pockets.

She shook her head. “Where is the Glowing Sea?”

“It’s uh… south west-ish of here. Far south.” When she said nothing in response, he pressed. “That can’t be the only thing bothering you. I know you Nat.”

She rolled her eyes, looking at the roof of a building to her left. She shook her head again, a frown on her pouty lips. “I just… There’s always something more. Something else. I have to jump through 50 hoops when when I do, there’s 50 more. Now I have to go through this… this  _ sea _ of radiation and death. It haunts me, it haunts my sleep and it’s in my bones.”

Mac smiled. “I’ll be right here with you. You’re not alone.”

She stopped, turning to look at him. “RJ, about that--”

Her sentence was cut off at the site of a figure in the shadows behind him, twirling a knife carelessly in his hands. Hancock stepped over to the pair, his black eyes set on Natalie’s own hazel ones. She involuntarily took a step back as the ghoul approached.

“Listen,” Hancock said, sheathing his knife. “I heard about your little ‘problem’ of the Glowing Sea. Ghouls are immune to radiation you know.”

“If you’re suggesting that I expose myself to potentially lethal doses of radiation in the off chance I turn into a ghoul, just to go through the Glowing Sea, then fuck you,” Natalie snarled.

“Easy there sweet cheeks,” Hancock grinned. “I need to take a walk again. Get a grip on what really matters: Living free.”

She looked at him like he had 15 heads as comprehension dawned on her face. “Can you just  _ leave _ Goodneighbor? Aren’t you the mayor?”

“Hey, the mayor’s still the mayor, whether he’s ‘in residence’ or not. I’ve walked out of here plenty of times. Keeps me honest. Can’t let power get to my head. That’s not what being in charge of Goodneighbor is about.” MacCready snorted in response.

“I… Fucking hell,” Natalie sighed, running her hand through her hair.

“You might just be the right kind of trouble,” Hancock smirked. “Let me just have a little chat with my community first. Give them the news.” With that, Hancock went to enter his statehouse.

MacCready put both hands on her shoulders once the door closed behind the ghoul. “What the f-- what are you  _ doing _ boss?”

“I don’t know Robert! I don’t know!” She rubbed her temples. “I… We can’t take the Vertibird back. The Brotherhood won’t allow it. We need to get to Sanctuary Hills in time for the holiday. So once he’s done, we… fucking walk….”

“ _ Boss _ .” He gripped her shoulders before pulling her in for a hug, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. “Just… Just don’t leave me in Sanctuary Hills. Please. Don’t take Nick. Don’t take Hancock. I’ll find a way to go with you.”

He heard a low growl escape her lips. “RJ, listen to me.” She pulled away so she was looking at him dead in the eye. Her mouth moved, but no sound came out. She shook her head again, eyes shining. “I don’t know how to… The extra suit of power armor was destroyed in that last super mutant attack. Right now the only power armor is mine and Danse’s. Robert what do you want me to do?”

His breath hitched in his throat. She can’t go without him. He can’t lose someone else. “Maybe between now and when you leave we can find another suit. Or some hazard suits. Or we’ll rob a pharmacy. Please boss…”

She looked down at the space between them, shaking her head. “I need to take Nick, or Hancock, or even Danse. I can’t risk you to potential death from radiation poisoning. It would kill me Robert. It would kill me.”

He lifted her chin, placing a soft and tender kiss on her lips. “Please…”

“Robert--”

They were interrupted by a cough. They broke apart fast, looking at Hancock, who was standing there smugly. “MacCready, the tough ruthless mercenary,” Hancock teased.

Heat rose in MacCready’s face. “I-- I still am,” MacCready stammered. Natalie covered her mouth, trying really hard not to laugh. He was so cute. “Whatever my boss says. If my boss says you’re dead, then I’m taking you down.”

“Cute,” Hancock grinned, walking up to the pair. “We ready to hit the road?”

“Sure,” Natalie blurted after stifling her laugh.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They arrived at Sanctuary Hills within a few days, just to see Nick standing outside of the gates. Natalie wiped the remainder of blood from her cheek (damn molerats) before the trio approached Nick. 

“You can… go inside you know,” Natalie said, confused.

“Your damn guard won’t let me in. I’ve been here for a day now,” Nick explained.

“God it’s always… something,” she complained, practically facepalming. 

She marched into the settlement, the men closely at her heel. The guard closest to the entrance ran right up to Natalie once she entered.

“General,” he said breathlessly, before looking at her companions -- a ghoul, a synth, and a mercenary. “Err..”

“‘Err’ is right. Why did you leave Nick outside? I’m sure he told you that I sent him here.” She put both hands on her hips.

For someone so short, she elicited fear when she needed to.

The guard stammered. “Uh, uh, I’m sorry General. I thought he was sent by the Institute.”

Natalie’s lips curled into a smile. “At this point, that’d be a blessing. Don’t let it happen again.”

“Affirmative. Sorry, General.” The guard went back to his post, visibly shaken.

“Sorry Nick,” Natalie muttered as the group walked further into the settlement. In their absence, Piper and whoever else she bribed to help her had managed to bring the festivities to the rest of the settlement. She strung colorful lights going from building to building, and even put up a tree right in front of Natalie’s home.

“Nice place you got here,” Hancock whistled. He was getting looks from some of the other settlers. “Not many ghouls though.”

“They usually steer clear when they find out the General of the Minutemen is also a Knight in the Brotherhood of Steel. We have quite a bit in other settlements, farther out.”

She stopped the group when they were in the center of town. “Okay. So. This house--” she pointed to her right “--is mine. I don’t like anyone going in it other than those authorized. Codsworth -- he’s the Mr. Handy -- will stop anyone who tries to enter. This building to the right of my house is the infirmary. The building to the right of  _ that _ is kinda like a bunker with a lot of beds, so when you two, uh, come here at any time, if you don’t want to be permanent residents, you can sleep in there. This building --” she pointed to her left, at the pure wooden home “-- is the Longhouse, and that’s where the kitchen and the bar is. And a jukebox. Kinda like a little mini hovel in and of itself. To the right of it is the workshop and there’s a chem station, armor work benches and weapon work benches, and behind it is racks for the power armor. Beyond the cul-de-sac is a wooden gate where you can bathe in the river. Before you enter, whistle. If you hear a whistle back, someone’s at the river. And… that’s it. The other houses belong to the permanent residents and we’re always fixing the settlement and improving it. Any questions?”

“Thanks doll,” Nick said, lighting a cigarette. “Where’s Piper?”

“Probably in the Longhouse. Her house is the first on the left when you first cross the bridge if she’s not in there.”

When Nick took off to the Longhouse, Hancock grinned. “See? We’re both mayors.”

“I’m hardly a mayor,” Natalie smiled.

Hancock snorted. “Still, this is a nice little setup you have here. Well done.”

Natalie smiled, looking down at her dirty boots. “I’m just… holding on as best as I can.”

“Tell you what, if you need a little pick-me-up, I’m your ghoul.”

“What?”

Hancock chuckled. “You’ll know it when you need it. I’ll see ya later.” With that, he also went into the Longhouse.

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” said MacCready, who was largely quiet this entire time. “What about Danse?”

“What about Danse?” Natalie repeated, confused, as she unlocked the door to her home.

“Well isn’t he your commanding officer? Won’t he report that you’re paling around with a synth and a ghoul to Maxson? Not exactly Brotherhood of Squeal protocol.” He followed her into the house and shut the door behind him, flicking on the lights that Sturges finally installed in her home. He tossed his sniper and pack lazily onto the couch.

“What do you expect me to do?” she argued, tossing her own pack on top of his. “I can’t exactly march into the Institute by myself. They’re my only hope of getting in there.  _ Look _ at them.”

“I have looked at them,” MacCready frowned, removing his hat and scratching his scalp. “You can’t honestly believe all the things they believe. Do you?”

“I dunno. Maybe.” She played with a string on the bottom of her shirt. “It’s not all bad.”

MacCready sighed, rubbing the back of his head. “Just be careful.”

“I will. But for now…” She closed the distance between them, placing her hands on his chest. “It’s just you and me.”

He smiled down at her. “What did you have in mind boss?”

She tugged his duster down and planted a kiss on his lips. “You. Me. In my bed.” When MacCready’s face began to flush, she smiled. “Let’s start with reading some comics and… see where it goes from there?”

A smile spread across his lips. “You’re something special.”

She grabbed his hand and led him down the hall to her bedroom. “Just wait ‘til you see what else I can do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have some of Natalie's backstory (from the prologue and other things she says about it as the days pass), but Mac never addresses his. I imagine it would be hard for him to open up about it.


	15. The Glowing Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie embarks to the Glowing Sea with Hancock after saying goodbye to MacCready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** Beginning of the chapter is NSFW ***
> 
> Sorry for the delay! Hope everyone enjoys this chapter -- I really loved writing it!

MacCready woke up to hair cascading over his face and an arm secured tightly over his torso. He blew her hair out of his face, the scent of last night’s love making still in the air. He squinted against the sunlight filtering through the sheets that Natalie threw over the holes in the wall before she slipped out of her clothes the night before.

He ran his hand over her arm, and she stirred at his touch. Her eyes fluttered open before she rubbed her eyes sleepily.

“Hey there beautiful,” MacCready murmured, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pressing her to his side.

She smiled groggily at him. “Morning handsome,” she purred.

She cuddled against him, sighing deeply. He brushed her hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. “I could stay like this forever,” he murmured, gently rubbing her shoulder.

Natalie craned her head up to look at him. “You’re fucking perfect, you know that, right?”

MacCready couldn’t help but grin as the heat rose in his cheeks. And she  _ smiled back _ . He was so self-conscious about his teeth, but with her, it doesn’t even phase him anymore. Now, every smile to her (and her alone) was wide and reached his eyes. And every time she smiled back, it warmed his very soul.

She ran her hand down his chest, fingers playing with his body hair. He shivered. “Going to be a while before you can wipe the smile of my face,” he smiled warmly, his eyes following the gentle movement of her fingers eagerly. “And I’m far from perfect.”

Natalie braced herself and then straddled his hips, sitting straight up. His cock almost immediately hardened under her. She was still naked, her heat pressed against his fabric-covered crotch. She leaned down, kissing his lips before sitting back up. His face reddened as his eyes hungrily scanned over the scars on her face, to her slightly parted lips, to her smooth skin on her chest, down to her kissable breasts, down her stomach, further down…

She cocked her head to one side smugly. “I believe you are blushing, mister mercenary.” Her voice was teasing and velvety, with a hint of zest.

His eyes flickered from her thighs to her face. “I can’t help it. How am I supposed to think straight when I have an angel naked on my lap?”

She leaned down against his chest, pressing her breasts against his skin. His breath hitched in his throat when she pressed an open kiss on his neck, before whispering in his ear, “I’m no angel.”

He grabbed her waist and kissed her hard, his fingers pressing hard into her skin. She gasped at the sensation before his tongue crept into her mouth. His hips involuntarily rocked against her heat, and she took that opportunity to grind against his cock. The friction on her clit felt fantastic, and she moaned into his mouth, pushing her hair out of her face.

His hands moved to her back, pulling her forward on his body as he frantically kicked the sheet off of him. She smiled against his lips before he pushed her back against his cock. Her wet heat rubbed against his length, and he groaned, his fingers leaving marks on her back.

Sitting up straight, she locked her eyes on him as she slowly slid her heat up and down along his length, tortuously slow. His whole face was flushed to the tip of his nose, his mouth hanging open and his breathing labored as she teased him.

“F-- fuck-- oh-- N-Nat-- fuck-- oh  _ please _ ,” he begged, his hands running along her legs to cup her ass.

“Language,” she purred, looking at him with lustful and vixen eyes. She braced herself against his chest, her eyes firmly locked his own.

One hand moved up her leg and went to her clit, twirling his fingers around the nub. She bit her bottom lip before cursing under her breath.

“ _ Language _ ,” he smirked as he watched her close her eyes as his fingers expertly rubbed her clit in small, pressured circles. Her fingers clawed at his lower abdomen, her eyes closing from the sensation.

“R-Robbie,” she breathed, moaning harder as his fingers moved faster at the sound of his name. She rocked against his hand, the familiar sensation pooling in her core as he fingers glided over her clit.

With his other hand, he gently nudged her leg. “I-- I wanna feel you, angel,” he groaned. “I wanna fuck you. Let me fuck you. Please...”

Her eyes opened at his  _ vulgarity _ , and she looked at his young, eager eyes before scooching back a bit on his body. She lifted herself up as he grabbed his cock and held it in place for her, and she sunk her wetness down on his length.

“Oh… Oh f-f-fuck,” he groaned, watching his aching cock disappear into her folds. “Fuck  _ Natalie _ , fuck.”

She arched her back, moaning in approval once he was fully inside of her. She rocked her hips once and his hands flew to her lower hips, gripping the skin tightly.

He was breathing hard as she rolled her hips again, and again, and again… He screwed his eyes shut, mouth open and head pressed firmly into the pillows. His hands vice gripped her hips as he groaned her name and a string of unintelligible curses at her increased pace.

“Y-you like that?” Natalie gasped in between breaths as she bounced up and down on his cock, her own fingers pressed firmly into his abdomen.

He started guiding her movements with his hands, his own hips thrusting up to keep time with her movements. “R-Robert,” she moaned as his pace quickened, her hands leaving his chest to play with her hard nipples.

“J-just like that,” MacCready groaned, his blue eyes watching her touch her body. His hips thrust up faster as his hungry eyes watched on hand leave her breasts to circle her clit. “Oh fuck, oh god fucking dammit Natalie. J-just like that.”

Her eyes fluttered closed, the feeling of his cock combined with the feeling of her fingers almost sending her over the edge. Instead, she grabbed his wrists and leaned forward, pinning his wrists on either side of his head. 

The mild look of surprise on his face quickly faded away once her lips crashed against his sloppily. Her hips continued the momentum on their own, matching his upward thrusts, their bodies angled in a way so her clit rubbed against his skin with every thrust, sending her mind into a blissful, buzzing haze.

Her fingers intertwined with his, keeping strength on them to pin them down as his lips left her own to go to her neck, biting the flesh there hard.

“ROBERT,” she practically screamed as he sucked on her delicate skin, sounds of groans and approval leaving his throat. “R-Robert I’m gon-gonna…” The rest of her sentence trailed off in a throaty gasp.

His thrust into her hard when he felt her orgasm ripple around him, her arms shaking as she moaned and called out his name like a fucking prayer. Her senses ran wild, pleasure fluttering through her body from her legs and up her spine. She halted her movement at the feeling of the aftershock, and his lips met hers hungrily, pulling on her bottom lip with his teeth.

“Y-you feel so fucking good,” MacCready murmured against her throat. “So fucking good…” She loosened her grip on his wrists, and he freed them so his hands could grip her hips. He held her hard with his final thrust, before hastily pulling her hips up and off of him as he came, spilling on his stomach as he groaned her name loudly.

She rolled next to him and laid on her back, both of them sweaty panting hard. For a while, the only sounds filling the room was the sound of their labored breathing. Natalie turned her head towards her lover, her hair sticking to her sweaty face. “Like I said,” she croaked in between breaths, “you’re fucking perfect.”

He grinned.

After cleaning himself up, MacCready decided to go down to the river to bathe. Natalie got dressed in a tank top, black jeans, and boots and headed outside. The high morning sun bathed the settlement in an illuminating gold glow. The only thing missing was the chirping of birds -- but of course, that’s not going to happen again, at least not in Natalie’s lifetime.

She stretched, gazing at the unlit Christmas lights strung from building to building. She felt more supported and welcome here, in this lifetime, than she ever did 200 years ago. She was close to nearly everyone in the settlement. Everyone had each other’s well-being at heart. Just the thought made Natalie smile.

She reached into her back pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She was never a smoker (or a drinker), but she’ll have one occasionally. She lit the tip and took a hit before coughing at the offensive taste. 

“Never had a cig before?” came the voice of Hancock, who was walking towards her on the cracked street. His black eyes looked at the cigarette, dangling from her lips.

She took another hit as her cheeks flushed. “No. I mean, I’ve had it before…”

Hancock laughed, crossing his arms in front of him. “Impressing your boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend?”

“You and Mac. I cut him a break when he wandered into my town. Good guy. He’s rubbing off on you though.”

Natalie took another hit, averting her gaze from the ghoul. “Hey Hancock,” she said, changing the subject. “You wanna come with me to the Glowing Sea?”

Hancock narrowed his eyes. “You ain’t taking Mac?”

“I….” She shifted uncomfortably before extinguishing her cigarette. “Hancock I can’t. What if something happens to him? I already lost Nate, and Shaun. I can’t lose anyone else.”

He swallowed before putting an arm around Natalie. “Don’t worry sister. I’m your ghoul.”

She smiled at Hancock while MacCready approached, drying his hair with an old towel. “Hey boss,” he said before flickering his eyes over Hancock, who put his arm down. “Hungry?”

Natalie walked up to him, grabbing his hand. “Sure. Let’s go.” They walked to the Longhouse, Natalie looking back to give a meek smile to Hancock, who shook his head.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a night of Christmas festivities -- complete with drinking around a fire -- the next morning assaulted Natalie’s eyes. Her head was buzzing with worries, fears, and a slight hangover. Next to her, Mac was tangled up in the covers, his hair sticking up under the fabric. Natalie smiled warmly, leaning over and kissing his cheek before getting up. 

As she was gathering clothes for a bath, she heard Mac stir in the bed behind her. “Hey,” he mumbled sleepily. “You’re up early.”

She grabbed a shirt from the drawer before turning around to face him. “I need to be. I’m leaving for the Glowing Sea today.”

Mac frowned. “So soon? Can’t you spend another day here?”

She walked over to him and planted a kiss on his lips. His breath still tasted like whiskey. “I need to get this done with. But first, I need a bath.”

“Mmmmmm” was MacCready’s reply. He fell back into the sheets as she walked down the hallway and into the morning sun.

As Natalie bathed, her mind was full of thoughts about what was going to happen today (or, at least, what she’s planning to have happen). She knew Hancock was on board for the Glowing Sea, but she had to firmly convince MacCready that it was best that she go with Hancock. 

Strapping the Pip-Boy to her wrist, she entered the main of the settlement and promptly ran into Hancock.

“Holy shit you scared me,” Natalie sighed, her heart racing.

He laughed. “Sorry sunshine. Breakfast?” He handed her some cooked squirrel on a plate. 

“Thanks,” Natalie grimaced, trying not to upturn her nose at the food. She gingerly took a bite.

“Hey listen, I don’t mean to pry or anything, but have your told your boyfriend that he’s not coming? If I remember correctly, he seemed pretty adamant on joining you.”

She sighed. “I did tell him when we went to Goodneighbor. He wasn’t having it though.”

“Well, think fast sunshine,” Hancock mused, his eyes fixating on the person heading towards them. “Cause here he comes.”

MacCready strolled up to the pair, his eyes still full of sleep. “There you are. Almost thought you forgot about me.”

Natalie smiled as Hancock tossed her a sideways glance. “Hey, uh, RJ.”

“We ready to head out?” MacCready said warmly. His sniper was already strapped to his back.

“Robert…” Her voice was soft. Hancock took this as his cue to wander away. “Listen. Please. I cannot take you with me.”

“I already said I was going with you,” he frowned.

“I know, and I appreciate it, and I want to, but… Not only do we not have enough protection for you out there, but if anything were to happen to you…”

“I’m here to protect you,” he said, almost angrily. “If can’t do that here. Please don’t leave me here.”

She rolled her eyes in frustration. “Robert. What if we don’t have enough Rad-X or Rad Away? You don’t have power armor. Danse hasn’t fixed the other suit yet. And I don’t have an environmental suit, I don’t even know where the hell to get one! What if we bring 20 Rad-X and we actually need 21? I cannot lose you. I lost Nate and Shaun. I’ll die before I lose you too.”

His blue eyes latched onto her hazel ones. He opened his mouth to speak, but then shook his head. “Fine.”

She squinted her eyes. “‘Fine’? Just like that?”

He shrugged, rubbing the back of his head. “I mean I don’t like this at all, but it’s your choice. If anything happens to you, I’ll kill the fu-- person responsible.”

Natalie threw her arms around him, burying her face into his chest. “I’m scared Rob. I really am. But I need to do this. And when I come back, it’s just you and me.”

He closed his eyes, pressing his cheek on her damp hair. “I love you Natalie.”

She put both hands on either side of his face before pressing a passionate kiss on his lips. “And I love you. I’ll be safe, I promise.”

“After you,” Hancock’s voice came from behind them.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was about an hour later before Natalie launched a vertibird grenade on the ground. She rolled her shoulder uncomfortably in the power armor and turned towards Hancock. 

She barely recognized him. They had thrown some loose clothes over Hancock’s own clothes and wrapped his head in breathable cloth. Sturges had even given Hancock some gloves so no part of his ghoulish skin would show. She heard Hancock sigh in annoyance, and Natalie couldn’t help but let out a low chuckle.

“What’s so funny?” Hancock’s voice was muffled behind the head cloth.

“You look ridiculous,” Natalie giggled.

“This was your idea sunshine,” he groaned, folding his arms across his chest. “How long do I have to put up with this get-up?”

“Just until they drop us off at the edge of the Glowing Sea,” she said, her eyes scanning the horizon for any sign of the aircraft. “Sorry Hancock. I had to cover you up.”

“Yeah yeah. Hey why do you even hang around with these guys anyway?”

It’s a good thing Hancock couldn’t see the color creeping across her face. “They’re the only ones who can help me get Shaun back.”

“You keep telling yourself that. You have other allies that you’re underestimating.”

Lucky for Natalie, the vertibird arrived just then, drowning out any hope of a continued conversation between the pair. She got on the aircraft before helping Hancock in. As the vertibird took off, she saw in the distance a yellow duster flapping in the wind.

She sighed, clunking her head against the metal frame as the settlement disappeared from sight. She looked ahead at a Knight who was eyeing Hancock, who was gripping the handling bars on the wall.

“To the Glowing Sea,” Natalie called over the sound of the copter.

“We can take you as far as the edge,” the Knight called back. “That place’ll kill the bird.”

“Fine,” Natalie said. “Just get me there.”

“Is your friend okay?” the Knight called, not taking his eyes off of Hancock. “What’s with the head wrap?”

“He’s fine. Flying makes him sick,” she lied. “This way he won’t be scared.”

The subject was dropped as they made their way across the Commonwealth. No one else said a word, leaving Natalie alone with her thoughts. God she missed Mac. But even if there was a way to bring him to the Glowing Sea safely, she just couldn’t do it. From what she heard of this place, it sounded horrendous. It would be her luck that he’d be wounded and they’d have no place to go. 

Her eyes scanned Hancock’s figure, who was playing with a box of Mentats. Why the ghoul was so eager to join her, she just didn’t know. But she couldn’t deny that he seemed like the type of… person… to take care of himself. 

Her thoughts went back to that one ghoul that she shot when she was trying to find her way to Goodneighbor. Knowing now what she didn’t know then, that ghoul wasn’t “feral” at all. But what makes a ghoul feral? Do they all turn feral? What’s to stop Hancock from turning feral? She made a mental note to ask him when they had a free moment in the Glowing Sea.

The vertibird dropped them off on the edge of the Glowing Sea. Natalie jumped out first, her suit making a thundering  _ thunk _ as she gracefully exited the still-hovering aircraft. After helping Hancock down, one of the Knights threw his arm over his chest. “May the Steel protect you, sister.”

Natalie nodded as the aircraft took off. She watched it as it went farther and farther away before looking back at Hancock, who already had the headwrapping off. “I thought the trip would never end. Hand me my hat, will ya sunshine?”

Natalie reached into her bag and pulled out the tricorn hat, which she exchanged for his wrap and gloves. After fixing the hat on his head, he popped some Mentats in his mouth. “Now we’re ready to get this show on the road,” he grinned.

They walked a bit over a hill, before stopping dead in their tracks. Natalie gazed upon the ruined, hazy landscape with a mixture of horror, sadness, and nostalgia. Whatever that was left was dead and decayed, and all she saw was upturned land as far as she could see, mixed with a sickly green haze. 

She lowered her rifle as melancholy swept over her bones. No matter how many times she told herself that she wouldn’t let this get to her anymore, she knew it was a lie. 

Hancock looked up at her in her power suit. “You okay in there?”

“Yeah, I just…” The flashing lights of the HUD hurt her eyes. “I just can’t get over the destruction. My home. This was my home. To see it like this…”

“I’m sorry,” was all Hancock said. But it was the most sincere apology Natalie’s ever heard in her life.

As the pair ventured into the radiated land, Natalie’s head was buzzing with so many thoughts that she couldn’t think straight. Part of her was trying to remember what was here -- it seemed like a lifetime ago that she was here last with Nate and Shaun. The other part of her was acutely aware of her surroundings. She had no idea what kind of creatures lived out here, if anything. The other part of her kept a watchful eye on Hancock. Goodneighbor would never forgive her if she let something happen to their beloved mayor.

“Hey Hancock,” Natalie whispered, her eyes squinting through the radiation. “What kind of… things… live out here?”

“Oh, the usual. Deathclaws, Radscorpions, Stingwings…”

“Are they, uh, heartier than elsewhere?”

Hancock chuckled. “Sunshine, you have to be tough as steel to survive out here. Of course they are.”

She glanced down at the ghoul, clutching his shotgun. He must have sensed what she was thinking, because he hastily added, “Don’t worry about me. Worry about you.”

“The radiation doesn’t affect you at all once you’re a ghoul?”

“I’m already a ghoul. What more harm can it do to me?”

Both of their heads snapped up at the sudden sound of footsteps growing closer to their position. 

“Deathclaw?” Natalie’s voice was noticeably nervous despite the suit of armor she was in.

“Whatever it is, it’s dead,” Hancock growled, cocking his shotgun.

Around the jagged rocks came a menacing figure that flooded Natalie’s head with bad memories of Concord. It’s hungry eyes stared at the pair like they were dinner before letting out a deafening roar.

Hancock fired, taking a few steps back and going to the left. The bullets landed in the monster’s chest, and the Deathclaw swiped at the air as Natalie rounded to the right and fired her rifle into the monster’s side. All this accomplished was pissing it off, and it rounded and charged at Natalie, whose eyes widened as she ran like hell in the opposite direction. The armor felt sluggish and hot as the Deathclaw chased her a ways back. Behind them, Hancock ran after the Deathclaw, cursing at it as he fired continuously at its spine.

Natalie ran until she found a ditch, and fell down it with a vibrating  _ clunk _ . She looked up, sweat pouring down her face and stinging her eyes. She heard the distinct sounds of a shotgun, followed by something that sounded like “now I’m going feral,” before the thundering footsteps went in the opposite direction. With a mighty jump, she grabbed onto the opposite ledge and pulled herself up, turning around in time to see the Deathclaw back Hancock into a corner. 

She backed up before leaping over the ditch, landing ungracefully on her hands and knees, before scrambling up and aiming her rifle. She fired continuously at the beast, before it rounded to look at her.

“HANCOCK, GRENADE!” she called as the beast advanced towards her.

Hancock pulled the ring with his teeth before chucking it at the Deathclaw. When the beast looked around at the sound, Natalie sprinted towards the ditch again, sliding in as the blast went off. There was a gust of wind and heat overhead as the explosion rattled the ground. She listened carefully for any other sounds before, once again, climbing out of the ditch and leaping over it. 

Hancock looked unharmed, grinning as the power-armored lawyer walked towards him. “Nicely done,” he grinned. “Not bad for someone 200 years on ice.”

“I need to get out of this armor,” Natalie whined, looking up at the hazy sky. “And I think there’s a rad storm coming in. We need to go.”

“There’s a shack just over there.” He pointed a lone shack some distance away. Natalie sighed, her bones getting tired from all the shit that happened today.

They made it to the shack within the hour, only stopping for some molerats and feral ghouls. In front of the shack was some water and nuclear barrels, which made Natalie’s Pip-Boy tick uncontrollably. They entered the shack, and Natalie looked away from the skeletons littering the floor. The shack contained two rather disgusting mattresses, a table, a sofa, and a suitcase.

“Looks cozy,” Hancock said as he shut the door behind them.

Natalie wasted no time getting out of the power armor, the radiated air enveloping her skin like a humid summer’s day. She pushed her sweaty hair out of her face and turned to face Hancock, who was staring at her with wide eyes.

“What?” Natalie asked, her eyes mixed with confusion.

“Don’t mind me… just enjoying the view,” he purred.

Natalie looked away, heat rising in her cheeks. “Are you flirting with me?”

“Nothing wrong with a little flirting,” Hancock reasoned. “What, the big bad Brotherhood Knight can’t be seen with the ghoul with chems?”

Natalie shook her head, turning around to face him with her hands on her hips. “N-no, it’s not that. I’m with MacCready, you know that.”

“Fine, fine,” Hancock grumbled, falling back onto the sofa. He popped another Mentat in his mouth, kicking up his boots on the arm of the sofa.

Natalie held her arms, looking out the window in the opposite side of the room. Flashes of green glow momentarily illuminated the small cabin, casting an eerie glow on the crumbling walls. Shaun was the foremost in her mind. The thought of her child out somewhere in this cruel world made her feel alone and defeated. 

She heard gentle humming coming from behind her, but she didn’t turn around. Instead, she asked softly, “Why did you agree to come with me so quick?”

She heard him sigh. “Because you seem like the type who ain’t afraid to stand up for what she believes in. The kind that will do what’s necessary, when necessary.”

She turned to face the ghoul. “And that makes you want to come with me? People standing up for themselves?”

“Let me tell you something sunshine,” Hancock said, twirling his knife expertly between his fingers. “That sorta bull -- oppressors and the like -- is the whole reason I became mayor in the first place. Some ass named Vic ran the town for I don’t know how long before that. Guy was scum. Used us drifters like his own personal piggy bank. He had this goon squad he’d use to keep people in line. Every so often he’d let them off the leash, go blow off some steam on the populace at large. Folks with homes could lock their doors, but us drifters, we got it bad.” Natalie sat on the couch next to him, hanging on his every word. “There was one night, some drifter said something to them. They cracked him open like a can of Cram on the pavement. And we all just stood there. Did nothing.”

Natalie kicked off her boots, ignoring the soft ticking coming from her Pip-Boy. “Was there no one who could have helped?”

“Who knows. Maybe. Honestly we were all so terrified, we couldn’t bring ourselves to move until it was over, let alone get help.” Hancock sheathed his knife before turning his black eyes on Natalie. “I felt like less than nothing. Afterwards, I got so high, I blacked out completely. When I finally came to, I was on the floor of the Old State House. Right in front of the clothes of John Hancock. John Hancock, first American hoodlum and defender of the People.” Natalie smiled at the respect and awe in his voice. “I might’ve still been high, but those clothes spoke to me, told me what I needed to do. I smashed the case, put them on, and started a new life. As Hancock. After that, I went clean for a bit, got organized, convinced Kleo to loan me some hardware. Got a crew of drifters together and headed out into the ruins, started training. Next time Vic’s boys went on their tear, we’d be ready for ‘em.”

Natalie crossed her arms in front of her, a smile on her lips. “You don’t  _ actually _ think the clothes of John Hancock spoke to you, right?”

Hancock grinned. “Nah, I just felt, you know, a connection. It seemed like he and I were dealing with the same shit - serious oppression. So the night of, we all got loaded, let Vic’s boys get good and hammered, and burst from the windows and rooftops where we’d been hiding. They never even saw it coming. We didn’t have to fire a shot. We didn’t have to. But we sure fucking did. It was a massacre.” Natalie shifted uncomfortably in her seat, her gaze still locked on him. “Once we’d mopped up, we strolled right into Vic’s quarters in the State House, wrapped a rope around his neck, and threw him off the balcony.” Natalie’s eyes widened, a hand flying in front of her lips in shock. “And there I am, gun in hand, draped in Hancock’s duds, looking at all the people of Goodneighbor assembled below. I had to say something. That first time I said ‘em, they didn’t even feel like my words: ‘Of the people, for the people!’ Was my inaugural address. Became Mayor Hancock of Goodneighbor that day. And from then on, I vowed I’d never stand by and watch. Ever again.”

She lowered her hand before speaking. “You fought so hard to become Mayor. Why leave?”

“I ain’t really the ponderous type. When an instinct takes hold, I listen. This time around, instinct said I should join up with you. Seems it was a good one. I just hope you get where I was coming from. I ain’t out to bring harm to anyone that didn’t earn it. Though I’m getting the distinct idea you got the same plan,” Hancock smiled.

“Is that so?” Natalie retorted, looking down at her faded jeans. “Got me pinned just like that?”

“Though I do have to wonder what you’re doing with a group like the Brotherhood of Steel. Did your time in the vault ice your brain?”

“Listen,” Natalie sighed, sick of explaining this for the twentieth time. “Imagine this. I’m fresh out of the vault, 200 years too late. I watched my husband get murdered by people in strange clothes, and watched my son get ripped from his arms. Then I find out that I was actually in the vault for another ten or so more years and he’s in a kid. In the meantime, I have no idea if I’m coming or going. Everyone here is so quick to kill, or quick to lie or steal. I mean, I’ve stolen before, and I’m not proud of it. So I meet these people in these suits, right? Suits like Nate used to wear. And they offer to let me join their ranks. They want to find the same people who took my son. And I look at the Commonwealth where there’s nothing and people more willing to stab you in the back than help you. And Paladin Danse is a wonderful commanding officer. He cares. He promised that we’d find Shaun and get him back.” She looked at him, her eyes shining with unspoken tears. “I get shit from everyone. All the time. I’ve heard it all, and I’m not listening. I know that they aren’t fond of synths or mutants or whatever. And I’m so sorry about that Hancock. I really am. But I need them to find Shaun.”

“So you don’t actually believe what they believe?”

“I don’t know. Do I think synths are people? No. I don’t think humanity is something you can just manufacture in a fucking plant. You can’t  _ synthesize _ emotions. I don’t know shit about ghouls. All the ghouls I’ve run across apart from you have tried to fucking kill me. Why do you survive and others don’t? Why are some ‘feral’ and yet you’re cognitive? Are you just gonna up and go feral one day? I don’t fucking know. And I haven’t met a single super mutant that hasn’t tried to blow my brains out at first glance.” She shook her head, tears falling from her face. “This is too much Hancock. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

Hancock shifted towards her and put an arm around her shoulder, pulling her so her head rested on his shoulder. She was momentarily shocked at the gesture, especially after pretty much insulting him. He smelled sweet -- probably from all those Mentats he keeps eating. She looked up at him through shining eyes, confusion riddled across her face. “Wha…?”

“Hey, it’s fine,” Hancock said. “We don’t have to talk about it now. Or ever for that matter. Don’t cry. I just want you to keep an open mind about your other allies. There’s other people you can use for help besides the Brotherhood. Like the Minutemen. Aren’t you the General?”

Natalie frowned, nestling snugly in his jacket. “We’re too far spread and loosely organized. Not that much firepower. If the Institute has all these synths that they can just… beckon on… then there’s not much we can do with laser muskets and settlers without two caps to rub together.”

“Hmmm…” Hancock murmured. Natalie studied his strange. burned skin on his hand that was on her arm. She wanted desperately to touch it. “What about the Railroad?”

“Who?”

Hancock’s head snapped down to her. “You’ve never heard of the Railroad?”

“I mean, in the context of 200 years ago…”

Hancock let out a soft chuckle. “The Railroad is a group of people that find synths and break ‘em free of Institute control. Pretty admirable goals.”

Natalie sat up, intrigued. “How come I’ve never heard of them?”

“‘Cause they don’t want to be found. You see, they need to operate in secret. Got people like the Institute and the Brotherhood on their ass.”

She frowned. “Do they have firepower? Where are they located?”

“Firepower? I don’t know about that. And as for where to find them, you’re going to have to follow the Freedom Trail, in Boston. Though your relationship with the Brotherhood isn’t exactly a secret. You’re gonna have to gain their trust for them to tell you anything.”

Natalie shook her head, looking down at her lap. “Let’s just find Virgil first. Then I can worry about all of this shit. I feel like my head’s going to explode.”

“Alright,” Hancock said, putting his hands behind his head as he leaned back into the sofa. “This rad storm isn’t letting up any time soon though.”

Natalie turned her head to look out the window, before looking at the content ghoul to her left. “I guess… here we stay for now.” She leaned back on the armrest, closing her eyes. Her legs dangled off the side of the sofa before Hancock pulled her legs over his lap. She peeked an eye open as he re-positioned his arms behind his head, but didn’t say anything.

She dreamed of nuclear war. Cracked, scorched earth with no chance of recovering. Hot ash burning her face until she had no skin left. Tears that dried the moment they left her eyes. 

She dreamed of ten year old Shaun, laughing as he shot Nate over and over again after exiting the pod. He raised the smoking pistol in between her eyes before muttering “You’re next, mommy.”

She dreamed of MacCready blaming the state of the world on her before leaving to go to the Capital Wasteland as her skin melted off her arms. She ran after him, only to collapse from pain and heartbreak. He didn’t look back.

She dreamed of a world no more.


	16. Virgil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie and Hancock meet a super mutant doctor before heading back to Sanctuary Hills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIVE.

Natalie’s eyes flew open, blinking into the radiated haze. She fumbled for her glasses, putting them on before pulling her head up to look at Hancock. He was snoring loudly, mouth wide open and sprawled over every part of the couch he could, one arm flung over Natalie’s legs. She looked down at the bright light of her Pip-Boy before gently wiggling her leg. “Hancock,” she mumbled sleepily, her head pounding.

When he didn’t move, she wiggled her leg again. “Hancock. We need to go.”

He groaned, wiping his face with the back of his sleeve. “Morning already?”

“Who the fuck knows?” Natalie got up, stretching the kinks out of her back. “God my back hurts.”

“I’d over a massage, but I think you want to get a move on,” Hancock said, getting up and offering his hand to her.

She grabbed it, noting the consistency of his skin under her fingers. “Yeah. We need to find this Virgil.” She put on her boots before approaching her power armor, looking at the contraption like a prison. “Do you think he’s even alive?”

“Might be a ghoul,” Hancock shrugged. “Or maybe he’s a synth.”

“Or he’s dead,” Natalie suggested before turning the back wheel of the armor. It opened with a loud  _ hiss _ .

“Would it bother you if he’s a ghoul or synth?”

Natalie said nothing until she entered the armor, grabbing the helmet from the rickety table. “No,” she answered flatly.

Hancock cocked a “you’re so full of shit” eyebrow at her, but let her feel her moment of victory. She secured the helmet before grabbing her rifle from against the wall. “Ready?”

“Let’s go.”

They traversed into the irradiated landscape and headed south, keeping a watchful eye for anything that might take them by surprise. It wasn’t long before Natalie sighed in frustration.

“Where the fuck are we even going?” she asked, irritated. “How do we even know to go south?”

“My guess is that this guy wants to be completely out of the Institute’s grasp. The further south we go, the better chance we have to find him. Land’s a lot more irradiated down there,” Hancock mused.

The pair was quiet for a while, the only sound being the heavy crunch of Natalie’s power armor sinking into the scorched earth.

Finally, Hancock spoke. “You don’t think synths are people.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Yesterday. Or whenever the fuck that was. You said you don’t think synths are people.”

Natalie rolled her eyes behind her helmet, her lips in a hard line. “I thought you said you wouldn’t bring that up.”

“Listen,” Hancock said, tugging on the arm of her power armor. Natalie stopped, but didn’t turn to face him. “Plenty of folks wanna make life hard for people just tryin’ to survive. I’m not willing to stand for that kinda shit. Now, Goodneighbor is a safe haven for the Railroad, tryin’ to escape the Institute’s hold. What about synths makes you think they don’t deserve a chance at freedom?”

“Trying to recruit me for the Railroad?”

“Trying to dodge the question?”

Natalie sighed. “Have you seen Nick? He has a metal fucking arm and glowing yellow eyes. He’s made of parts, springs and oil with a sophisticated computer in his man-made skull.”

Hancock paused. “Nick is a synth between gens, between gen 2 and gen 3. The gen 3 synths are... human. They breath, they eat, they bleed if you cut ‘em. The only way you’d know they were synthetic is by taking the metal sheet out of their skulls.” He looked at the side of Natalie’s helmet. “They feel emotions Natalie.”

“It’s like out of a horror movie,” Natalie croaked. “If you can just manufacture a population, why even have humans to begin with? Just make everything robotic. Have your robotic fucking army. Kill all the humans, like the super mutants want to.”

“You really are cynical,” Hancock said with a raised eyebrow.

“The Institute uses them as tools. How do you expect humans to react to them if that’s how their creator defines them? Maybe if they actually cared about their creations, the rest of the -- I don’t know --  _ natural _ people would too.” She shook her head. “Can we drop this? Please?”

He didn’t bring it up again, the pair continued south, his words buzzing in Natalie’s head as they continued to find any sign of Virgil.

When the pair finally ascended a steep hill, Natalie halted at the top, her eyes in disbelief at what she was seeing a ways down below. Metal rickety huts, all huddled together with a sea of green, sickly water. 

“These… Look recent,” Natalie gasped as she surveyed the homes. “How could anyone live out here? Do you think Virgil is down there?”

“Dunno,” Hancock mused, peering over the horizon. “Let’s just hope they’re friendly.”

The pair made their way to the homes, stepping over bubbling glowing green liquid. Her Pip-Boy clicked with each passing step. Through her visor, Natalie could make out the shape of several inhabitants, though she was confused on why they weren’t wearing any radiation protection gear.

They were about to cross a bridge before they were stopped by a woman in front of them, her dirty, scraggly clothes almost blending into the sickening background.

“Stop right there, strangers. You approach Atom’s holy ground. Why? State your purpose, or be divided in his sight.”

Natalie’s eyebrows furrowed under her power armor. “Holy Ground? Atom? What’s going on here?”

“Atom reached out and touched this world, bringing his Glow to us. It remains to this day, a reminder of his promise. Infinite worlds through division,” the woman stated simply.

Natalie gritted her teeth. “You’re fucking crazy. You mean to tell me you asshats  _ worship _ the thing that destroyed my family? My home? My  _ life _ ?!”

Hancock stepped over to her side, before the woman had a chance to speak. “We’re looking for someone named Virgil,” he said calmly, resting a hand on the side of Natalie’s power armor. “Have you seen him?”

The woman’s weathered eyes looked in between the pair -- a ghoul dressed in historical clothing and a hot-headed female pre-war Vault dweller in power armor. “Yes, I know of him,” she said cautiously. “What do you want with him?”

“I need his help reaching the Institute,” Natalie answered softly.

The woman’s eyes rested on Natalie’s helmet. “I have heard of this Institute. They hide themselves, trying to avoid the power of Atom. A futile effort. In truth, this Virgil has caused some concern. Some believe his presence is an affront to Atom. Though he came to trade with us on a few occasions, we have had little other contact with him. It was quite clear he wanted to be left alone. You can find him southwest of the crater, living in a cave. I would approach cautiously, were I you. I feel he does not want visitors.”

“Thank you,” Hancock smiled, tugging on her armored hand to lead them away.

They said nothing as they climbed the rocky incline, heading southwest from where they were with the cultists. It wasn’t until Natalie stopped in her tracks and sat on a rock that Hancock could hear her heavy sighs.

“I’m sorry Hancock,” Natalie muttered quietly. “I’m sorry for losing my temper back there and I’m sorry for dragging you out here. Hell, I’m even sorry that I’m apologizing to you right now because I’m sure you don’t want to hear it.”

“Hey sunshine,” Hancock smiled, kneeling in front of her so his face was level with hers. “It’s fine, okay?” When there was no response, he placed his hands on her knees. “Natalie,” he said, his voice suddenly growing serious. “No one -- no one in the entire Commonwealth -- is going to understand the shit you’re going through right now. Having a pretty little home, car, life and family and then waking up to an utter shitshow. Watching your only son, taken right in front of you… Watching your husband get, well… Natalie,” he coked his head so he was staring right into the visor of her helmet. “I should be apologizing for that shit back there. Not you.”

Natalie’s lips curved into a smile. She was taking deep breaths to stop herself from crying. “And why should you be sorry?”

“For not letting you say your peace to that loon,” he grimaced.

A soft giggle escaped her lips. Satisfied, Hancock stood up, wiping the debris from his knees. “Come on sunshine,” he said, offering a hand. “Let’s go get your son back.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Natalie finally got back to Sanctuary, she immediately stepped out of her power armor, ignoring concerned looks from a couple settlers when she didn’t answer any of their questions. She marched to home, slamming the rackety door behind her. Storming to her bedroom, she closed the makeshift curtains and fell face-first onto the relatively clean mattress, removing her glasses and placing them on the nightstand.

To both her surprise and Hancock’s, Virgil was actually a mutant -- only, he didn’t want to tear them apart limb by limb at first glance. No, Virgil actually had his mind in-tact, which was simultaneously astounding and horrifying for Natalie. 

The lawyer rolled over on her mattress, gripping the barely fluffed pillow as she shut her eyes, reflecting on what Virgil had told her.

Virgil is actually Dr. Brian Virgil, former scientist for the Institute. He was a scientist for the Forced Evolutionary Virus, or FEV. The virus is responsible for super mutants. He infected himself with a special strain of it to survive the radiation of the Glowing Sea.

Virgil told the pair about coursers (hunters for the Institute) and how they get in and out of the Institute -- they de-materialize in one place and materialize in the Institute. A teleporter called the “Molecular Relay.” In exchange for information to get in the Institute, Natalie agreed to retrieve a supposed cure which should make Dr. Virgil human.

Then, Virgil dropped the news of the night on them: she’s going to have to kill an Institute Courser. She will have to kill one, and take a chip in their heads, because they have a direct relay to the Institute. He pointed her in the direction of the ruins of the CIT, and advised her to use the radio on her Pip-Boy to listen for the interference and follow it to a courser.

Natalie rolled over on her back, rubbing her temples. It seemed like whenever she took one step towards Shaun, something was always sending her two steps back. She felt no closer to find him now than she did when she first stepped out of that vault. She doesn’t know if it was because of her own failure, the nature of the Commonwealth, or a mixture of the two.

Her eyes glanced over the crude sheets hanging over the glassless windows when she heard the sound of shuffling feet coming from the hallway.

She turned her head towards the sound, her eyes coming to rest on the silhouette of a skinny man in a duster just behind the doorway.

“RJ,” she breathed, smiling wide.

Without a word, he entered her ( _ their _ ) bedroom, leaning down to place a sweet, longing kiss on her beautiful lips. Her eyes fluttered shut as she removed his hat, tossing it carelessly on the opposite side of the bed. He knelt over her, before wrapping his arms around her and pulling them both onto the bed, snuggling her close.

“Man I missed you,” he muttered into her red tresses. He tightened his grip around her waist, both of them finally feeling like home as they nestled onto the bed.

Natalie shifted backwards, cuddling him close. “I missed you too.” Her fingers interlocked with his on her waist.

They laid there a moment, neither of them saying a word but simply enjoying the sound and feel of the other.

Finally, MacCready spoke. “Hancock told me everything… About what you have to do.”

“Yeah,” Natalie mumbled blankly.

“You can do it, you know? If anyone could do it, it’s you.”

MacCready felt her exhale wholly before squeezing her tightly, resting his head on top of hers. “Don’t believe me?” he asked when he received no reply.

“No, it’s not that… Sorry,” she said softly. “I just… I feel like I’m running up on a down escalator. I can never catch up enough. I’ll never be close enough. I’ll never feel like I  _ can _ do it… I feel no closer to finding Shaun now than I did before. There’s always something else I have to do, something else that requires my attention. In the meantime, Shaun is out there somewhere, heaven knows where, and here I am solving A through Z before I get to question 2.”

“But you  _ are _ closer to finding him, Nat,” he urged. “Before, you didn’t even know about the Institute or that they had Shaun. Now you know the way in. It’s just getting there.” He moved a hand to her hair, gently running his fingers through it before running the back of his hand down her arm. “And you’re not alone. You have me. You have all of us at Sanctuary. We can do it, Nat.”

“You think so?”

“I  _ know _ so.”

A comfortable silence fell between the couple, broken only by the sound of their steady breathing. Natalie scratched at a loose string on her pillow before speaking again.

“Do you think I’m a good mother?”

MacCready propped himself up on his elbow, looking down at Natalie. “What?”

“I’m… I’m sorry,” she shook her head, laying on her back and looking up at his pointed nose and blue eyes. “I just… I wanted to…”

“Natalie,” he said soothingly, “you’re doing everything you can to find Shaun. You’re going above and beyond. I wish I had it all together like you. I mean, when Lucy…” He shook his head, a hint of sadness in his gaze, before he got off the topic. “You’re a wonderful mother. Shaun is lucky to have you. And when you find him… You’ll see Nat. You’ll see.”

She took a deep breath, his words a huge comfort to her. Natalie turned back on her side, facing away from him, and he wrapped his arms around her waist again. She brushed her fingertips against his hand, her hazel eyes fluttering closed. It wasn’t long before her breathing became rhythmic and sleep overcame her.

MacCready watched her for a few moments, memorizing every inch of her like it was the first and last time he’d ever see her. He placed a soft, chaste kiss on her cheek before nestling behind her. He wasn’t tired, but laying next to her caused his eyelids to soon get heavy. Within a few moments, he joined her in her peaceful slumber.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Natalie and MacCready didn’t emerge from their home until the next day, when Natalie called the settlement together for a meeting to discuss what she and Hancock had learned from Virgil.

The group gathered in their usual hangout towards the front of town, on the second floor of a hastily built cabin. They had pushed together two tables and gathered whatever chairs they could, with Natalie sitting closest to the wall.

Once everyone was seated, Natalie stood up.

“I’m sure word has already reached everyone, but just in case anyone’s been living under a rock for the past 24 hours, Virgil had told me and that I need to kill an Institute Courser and take a chip from their head in order to gain access to the Institute.” She paused for a moment, absorbing everyone’s gaze before exhaling. “Any ideas?”

Cait leaned back in her chair, balancing it on two legs. “Go an’ kill the fucker,” she grinned.

“If it were that easy, we’d have left already,” Preston retorted, turning his attention back to Natalie. “General, I suggest a small team of Minutemen with you when you hunt him. Who knows what coursers are capable of?”

“That’ll attract attention,” Piper said, exhaling a puff of smoke from her cigarette. “You can’t risk bringing any more than one with you, Blue.”

“She’ll get killed,” Preston frowned.

“How do you know? Have you seen a courser?” Piper shook her head.

“Well, no, but General said they’re the best of the best. Something like that is bound to need extra firepower to take down,” Preston said.

“Right,” Natalie cut in, glancing towards MacCready, who was quietly fiddling with a cap on the table, before turning her attention back on the group. “I actually agree with Piper. I’m sorry Preston, but I can’t afford to attract too much attention so close to where the Institute is. Who knows what will happen.”

Preston nodded. “Understood General. Who will you take with you?”

Natalie opened her mouth to speak before shaking her head. “I… Don’t know.”

“Well, I’m itchin’ for a fight,” Cait said, leaning forward on the table.

“You always are,” Nick chuckled. “Kid, I’d love to go into the Institute and get some answers. Why not bring old Nick with you when you go in?”

“And what if they find some way to control you or some shit when you get in there?” Hancock chimed in, casually popping a Mentats in his mouth like it was a breath mint.

Nick narrowed his gaze on the ghoul. “I think I’ll be fine,” he said, his yellow eyes following his gaze from the box up to Hancock’s own black eyes.

“Yeah, but do you  _ really _ know that?” Hancock grinned.

“I mean, Nick’s been fine this whole time,” Piper shrugged matter-of-factly.

“It’s settled,” Natalie said, fixing her glasses on the bridge of her nose. “I’ll bring Nick with me when I go into the Institute.”

“But…” MacCready said quietly, “but boss…”

“I’m sorry love,” Natalie frowned, her gaze fixated on him. “Nick deserves his answers and I won’t rob him of any potential answers he could get. But I need someone to go with me to kill the courser. Someone who knows that this is incredibly dangerous and has the firepower needed to come out on top. Who’s with me?”

She was immediately met with a clamor of noises, each companion trying to say that they wanted to go with her. Natalie smiled. Mac was right.

“All right all right,” Natalie said, waving a hand to calm the noise. “I’m bringing Mac. His sniper might be able to help if he stays back and I go in first.”

From his chair, MacCready leaned back, putting both arms behind his head and grinning. He earned an angry glare from Cait.

“Before I go though, is there anything that needs to be taken care of?” 

“Curie said she had to talk to you about something,” Piper said, extinguishing her cigarette on the ashtray on the table. “Something about human inspiration and research.”

“Okay,” Natalie said, making a mental note to speak to Curie. “Anything else? Provisions okay?”

“We’re okay General,” Preston said warmly. “Just be safe and come back in one piece, okay?”

“With a courser chip,” Nick added.

Natalie smiled at the people that she’s come to know and love as family. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”


	17. Nate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie fights a Courser as she struggles with the plaguing memories of Nate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: graphic depictions of gore ahead

“THIS IS NOT FINE!”

Natalie flung herself behind an over-sized crate, a sickly purplish bruise forming across her jaw. She glanced up through the rafters, watching MacCready narrowly dodge a blue particle beam aimed at his head. The sound of her blood pounded in her ears, and she wiped her nose with the back of her hand, smearing her own blood on her glasses lens.

The pair had picked up the courser’s signal on the Pip-Boy before they were lead to a tall building that Natalie remembered as the Greenetech Genetics building. The place was infested with raiders and gunners. The lawyer long gave up reasoning with those that cannot be reasoned with (and heavens knows she put up with a lot of that in her career), so she let her pistol do the talking instead.

When the duo had finally met up with their prey, they quickly realized that perhaps they bit off more than they can chew, as soon as the courser turned fucking invisible and began opening fire.

“Boss!” MacCready called from the top, pulling a pin out of a fragmentation grenade and tossing it below. Natalie ducked to the right and covered her ears as the grenade went off, sending bits of debris and smoke to cloud her already terrible vision.

She poked her head up behind the crate once the smoke cleared, the stench of burning, 200 year old dust assaulting her nostrils. Precariously aiming her gun at seemingly nothing, she squinted hard. The courser was gone.

“It’s invis,” Natalie croaked, coughing to clear her throat from the dust. She pulled herself on the crate, one leg still kneeling as she scoped the area with her modified pistol.

“Get off of there,” she heard MacCready snarl from above. “You’re an easy target up there!”

“That’s the point!” she called over her shoulder as she jumped down, running around the other side of the large support pillar in the middle of the room.

“Wh-- What the f--- What are you doing?!” MacCready cried, reloading his sniper as fast as he could as he watched his love disappear behind the pillar. “Are you in--”

His rebuttal was cut off when a flurry of bright blue beams started shooting at the pillar, the courser finally materializing into view below MacCready.

Natalie rounded the corner, aiming her pistol at the courser. She couldn’t fire a shot, though, as the courser immediately began firing, slicing open the sleeve of her shirt as the beam singed her upper right arm.

“Fuck,” Natalie snarled, whipping around the corner and gripping her arm as best she could with her pistol still in her hand. Her breathing was heavy and she bit her bottom lip to distract herself from the pain.

From above, MacCready aimed his sniper, lining up his shot on the courser that was steadily approaching the pillar. He fired, the bullet piercing its upper right shoulder. The courser dropped its arm, gripping its shoulder before turning around to face MacCready. Without blinking, it raised its Institute pistol on the sniper. MacCready scrambled back, heading towards a nearby crate and keeping the courser in his sight.

Natalie turned the corner, firing several shots in the synth’s back. She went to fire another when the gun made a nice ‘click,’ warning its user that it was out of bullets.

She looked at the gun, panic setting into her hazel eyes. Her mind was in a haze as her brain was quickly trying to calculate the next logical move. 

“You’re overthinking things,” Nate would say over his morning coffee. “Just let your mind go and do the first thing you think of. The first thing is usually correct, no? Trust your instincts.”

Nate…

Without a second thought, she pulled her right, singed arm back and threw it forward, her fist colliding with the back of the synth’s head.

She immediately recoiled, cupping her now-bleeding knuckles in her hand. The courser stumbled forward enough so that MacCready was able to fire off another round, this time hitting it near the neck. The courser dropped its gun, blood seeping from the fresh wound, and rounded on Natalie, sending a fist towards her stomach.

Natalie raised her knee to deflect the blow, the courser’s fist instead colliding with her knee cap. She took advantage of the momentary confusion to throw an open-palm blow on the courser’s jaw, aiming up so its teeth slam into each other. 

The courser put his hand to its head, momentarily stunned, before its gritted its teeth. It quickly threw a punch on Natalie’s already bruised and swollen jaw, splitting her lip and causing her to stumble a few steps back. She saw stars. She saw Nate.

The courser came around for another blow, but she was a little more prepared this time. She ducked the swing and shoved the courser against the pillar, using her leg to lock the courser in place as her arm pressed against its throat, preventing its escape.

“Mac! NOW!” she cried, her arm digging into its synthetic, fake throat with more and more force each passing moment.

MacCready aimed down his scope and fired. The bullet pierced the courser’s cheek, coming clean out the other side with a hail of blood and robotic parts. The courser fell into a heap on the floor, and Natalie loomed over him, a trail of blood dribbling down her swollen lip. She spit the blood on the body.

Behind her, she heard the sound of MacCready jumping to the floor below and the distinctive sound of a discarded sniper rifle. He rushed to her, cupping her face in his hands. She winced from the bruise.

“S- Sorry,” he muttered, concern flowing through his blue eyes. His eyes darted all over her face, checking every bit of skin for any other injuries.

“Don’t be,” she said, pausing to check to see if she had any loose teeth. “I shouldn’t have went in with low bul--.”

“Please don’t do that anymore,” he pleaded, looking her square in the eye. “Please. Please.”

“Do what?”

He rolled his eyes. “Using yourself as bait. Getting that close and f-- freaking punching things when your sniper boyfriend is right behind you. You could’ve gotten killed! And then what?”

It was her turn to roll her eyes. “I had it.”

He gave her his you’re-so-full-of-shit look. 

“Knife,” she said simply, holding out her hand expectantly. 

MacCready rummaged through his pack before retrieving a medium sized hunting knife, dried blood still caked on the blade.

She grabbed the handle and then straddled the body, taking a deep breath as her finger twitched. She gave a fleeting glance at MacCready.

“Here goes nothing,” she said, shaking her head.

“W-wait,” he said, kneeling down next to her. “Where’s the chip in the brain? So it doesn’t get too, uh, gory.”

“Fuck if I know,” she muttered, tracing a circle on the side of the courser’s temple. “Cut it all out I guess. I’ll try to be careful. Thanks for not sniping him in the head by the way.”

“Well I didn’t want to risk ruining the chip,” he shrugged.

She looked down at the body and lifted the blade high before plunging it into its skull, right under its ear.

Immediately, blood gushed out of the open wound, coating her fingers and the knife. She pulled the knife out hard, the knife having got stuck on brain matter. She plunged it again at the base of the skull again. And again. And again.

MacCready covered his face with his hat, the sound of squelching blood and the thought of his angel doing this causing him to almost vomit.

Once she had sufficiently cracked the skull open, she wiped her cheek with the back of her hand, smearing blood all over it to match the smear on her glasses. Observing the wound, she saw bits of metal and wiring sticking out from the skull. An uneasy feeling washed over her -- she was rudely reminded that these things aren’t human at all.

Using the knife to rip off a piece of the courser’s shirt, she cleaned up the seeping blood as best she could before lifting the skull off.

Underneath was the most gruesome sight Natalie had ever seen. A human brain, or what she assumed was a human brain because she hated anatomy class, consisting of a dull pink color. Going through the brain were a series of intricate wires and metal tubes, some that would still be warm to the touch, with the periodic flicker of a spark. 

She reached out and touched it. It felt like warm butter.

“Okay okay can we just get the chip?” MacCready asked behind his hat.

Natalie’s eyes flickered over the brain before finding a small metal ball with red, dimly glowing circles embedded into the courser’s brain tissue.

“Has to be it,” she muttered, digging her knife in the tissue surrounding it. She dug and carved until she lifted the object from its prison, wiping the remnants on the courser’s coat.

“Got it,” she said triumphantly, holding it out for MacCready to look at. 

He peeked out from behind his cap and quickly looked away, standing up hastily. “Let’s get to Dr. Amari then and see if she can crack it,” he stated, flinging his sniper over his shoulder.

She stuffed the item in her pockets before looking to her left, noticing a door that jogged something in her memories.

“Mac,” she said, still staring at the door.

“Mmm?”

“Come on,” she said, facing him and grabbing his hand. “I have something to show you.”

Together, she led him to the mysterious door on the left. The door was lodged stuck, but after some careful wiggling, they managed to pry it open.

The sight was just as breathtaking as it was when she first saw it.

The sky was crisp and blue, with fluffy, cottony clouds dotting the sky. From here, they could see all of Boston, with its ever-present looming towers and gentle sparkles of the river.

“Wow,” she heard MacCready breathe from behind her as she stepped closer to the edge.

“Yeah,” she exhaled, her lips curving into a smile. “The view has changed a bit, but--”

“You’ve been here boss?”

“My first day as a lawyer,” she said sheepishly, her eyes glued to the distant landscape of downtown Boston.

“Tell me about it,” he stated. Not a question.

Natalie turned to face him. “My first ever case, I was representing an in-house doctor for a malpractice suit. This place was mostly a science-type facility focused on genetic research and other research supplies. They shipped all over Boston. But back in the 2070’s, lots of science facilities had doctors on sight in case something happened. So I arrived here, cold as hell because it was the middle of November in Boston. The building was so… imposing. Naturally, the doctor’s office was on one of the top floors. This place was so… Clean.” Her voice became softer as she recounted the tale. “While I was gathering the facts of his situation, he was called away downstairs for a medical incident. I, being not quite that professional yet and still naive, wandered the floor until I got bored and started flipping through magazines and his books. The doctor came back and startled me and apologized, and then I apologized for being rude and, well… He showed me the roof since I started blabbing about how I just passed the bar and he was my first client. He took me up here and told me that Boston is mine to conquer and he’s sure he’d see great things from me.” She looked down, smiling. “I won his case. I felt so… elated. My first win. This is what it tasted like. Nate was so proud.”

MacCready’s gaze averted to the skyline of Boston. “I can’t even imagine it.”

“Yeah,” Natalie said softly, turning on her heel and placing a hand on the door handle. “Neither can I.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the time the pair had arrived in Goodneighbor, they were hungry, wet, and cranky. Natalie had refused to call a Vertibird for such a short distance, so the two had to hit the pavement. Along the way, it rained, and they couldn’t find adequate shelter since, conveniently, the one house they found had a completely blown out roof. 

They rested a bit in Hancock’s state house before heading to Doctor Amari’s. If anyone knew how to harness a synth component, it would be her.

“You’re back!” Doctor Amari exclaimed when the pair walked into her office. “The Glowing Sea. Virgil. What happened?”

“Do you know anything about decoding Courser Chips?” Natalie asked, her fingers gingerly playing with the chip in her pocket.

“A Courser Chip? You fought a Courser? Oh my god,” she said, her eyes widening. “Unfortunately, I can’t help you. I’ve worked on a lot of Synths, but never a Courser. I don’t know what that chip does, let alone how to decode it.”

From behind her, Natalie heard MacCready mutter “fantastic.”

“But there are people who might,” the doctor stated, folding her arms in front of her. “I work with a group that, well, they’re the ones I know that even have a chance at cracking Institute security. They’re called the Railroad.”

“The… Railroad?” Natalie asked with a raised eyebrow.

“They help synths escape the Institute. I don’t know who they all are. Usually, an agent of theirs just shows up with someone who needs new memories. One of them gave me a code phrase. Said it would help me find them if there was ever an emergency. ‘Follow the Freedom Trail.’”

Natalie’s eyes lit up, but she shook her head and smiled. “All right. I’ll find them.”

“Good luck,” Doctor Amari said warmly. “I’m sorry what I have is so cryptic, but hopefully you can figure things out as you go.”

As the duo headed out of the Memory Den, Natalie couldn’t help but chuckle to herself.

“What’s so funny?” MacCready asked as they were greeted by the afternoon air.

Natalie fixated her gaze on something off in the distance. “The Freedom Trail. That was our first date.”

MacCready unexpectedly felt his heart plunge into ice water at her words. “Oh?”

She smiled to herself, her auburn hair tickling her nose as she looked down. “It’s from my great-great-great-grandparents time. It’s a 2 ½ mile trail that shows 16 historically significant locations in Boston. First established in 1951. You can walk around Boston and see all the sights. It’s a little red brick trail on the ground. Nate and I walked that trail on our first date… He knew I loved history. And I knew he loved being outside. So it was a win-win.”

She wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her arms. “That was… I sometimes feel like I don’t exist. Is it really 2227? Was that really… 175ish years ago? I’m not the best at math but… Maybe I’ll wake up and this’ll be a dream.”

A silence fell between them, before Natalie looked up at him and grinned. “Come on, let’s go home to Sanctuary, okay? I’m sure Nick or Piper would like to know we’re heading to Diamond City next. I might get a list of things to get from Preston too.”

“Sure thing boss,” MacCready smirked.

This time, they took the Vertibird.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That evening, just as the sun was beginning to set, and after Natalie made her traditional rounds to everyone in the quaint little settlement, Natalie kissed MacCready on the cheek as he was reading his comics.

“Mmmm?” he hummed lazily.

“I’ll be right back,” she said, this time kissing the top of his head. “There’s something I need to do.”

He raised an eyebrow, but didn’t protest as she closed the door behind her.

She made a quit dart to the right, her mind flooded with a million intrusive thoughts. She didn’t even notice as she walked right into Codsworth.

“Oh mum!” Codsworth whirred, spinning around to face Natalie, who was rubbing a spot on her chest. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Natalie half-smiled. “Just a bump. Sorry I wasn’t paying attention.” She sidestepped him before hurriedly walking past him, but she stopped in her tracks when she heard the next thing he said. 

“I know where you’ve been sneaking off to, mum.”

When Natalie didn’t respond or turn around, Codsworth pressed on. “I think it’s good that you’re remembering Sir and keeping his memory alive.”

“Don’t tell MacCready.”

“I beg your pardon?”

Natalie turned, tears glistening in her eyes. “Please don’t tell MacCready where I’m going. I just… It doesn’t involve him, okay? If he ever asks, just say you don’t know and I’ll be right back. Okay?”

“Yes, of course Mum,” Codsworth said, waving a robotic arm.

Natalie looked at him and smiled sadly, before departing up towards the fence towards the vault. She quietly opened and shut the rusted gate, approaching the vault entrance before making a right, and heading towards the familiar spot under the tree.

She approached the familiar dirt, her eyes bleakly giving a once-over on the crude rock. In weathered paint, the rock had the name “Nate” written on it. Surrounding the rock, Natalie had been bringing whatever foliage she could find in an attempt to decorate the area. The dirt was still upturned, but no grass would grow.

“Hey Nate,” she gave her most convincing smile, kneeling in front of the crude grave. Her fingernails raked the ground, as if trying to reach for something she knew wasn’t there.

She pulled his wedding ring from the pocket of his flannel shirt, looking at it like a distant memory in between her dry and cracked fingers.

She smiled -- for no reason, she certainly wasn’t feeling happy -- at the ring, holding it up in front of her nose.

“I still have this,” she spoke before shaking her head and gripping it in her palm. Holding that palm to her heart, the tears began to stream down her face.

She didn’t hear the sound of footsteps behind her as she began to speak.

“Oh Nate,” she sobbed, her voice cracking in between the tears, “I miss you so much. I don’t know how much longer I can do this. Every night, you haunt my dreams and all I can do when I wake up is think about… About how much I’ve failed you. Your presence still lingers, all in Sanctuary Hills. In all of my travels. Through the Glowing Sea, all the way to Goodneighbor. In my skins, in my clothes, in my hair… It won’t leave me alone. I wake up next to… Next to him and all I can think about is you.”

She opened her palm, her tears splashing in her palm. “I remember when we were still in high school, and we’d talk about the future… We promised we’d be here for each other. Don’t you remember Nate? We promised each other. When daddy died, you told me you’d always be there for me. I couldn’t do it without you. I couldn’t get through that… That pain, that heartache. I still don’t think I can.”

Natalie clenched her palm closed. “And I remember that one time when you came back from training. You remember that, don’t you Nate? And we decided that if something were to happen to either of us -- if you were to get killed in the line of duty, or if I got gunned down by some crazy psycho client of mine -- that we’d move on and try to be happy with someone else. But… I don’t know if I can do that. I feel like I’m betraying you, and it’s eating me alive. I’m happy with him, I’m happy for the companionship but… Those dark nights, when he’s asleep and I’m left alone with nothing but my thoughts, all I can see is your blue eyes… The same color as his… And I take a deep breath and I feel you… I feel him… The Commonwealth is eating what’s left of my sanity. How much longer can I do this? Can I ever really be happy?”

She closed her eyes, her tears salty on her lips. “I love you, Nate. You made me the happiest woman in the world, knowing that I found my rock, my grace and my salvation. But you’re gone. This world took you from me… And I can wish it all I want, but I can’t get you back. I just never can. But I will find Shaun for you, and we’ll be a family again. I’ll always carry a piece of you with me, everywhere I go.”

She took a deep breath, focusing intently on the sensation of air leaving her lungs. Her eyes fluttered open, looking down endearingly at the ring before she placed it against her lips, then gingerly back in the flannel pocket.

Behind her, the footsteps stealthily echoed towards Sanctuary Hills, with Natalie oblivious to them.

She got up, wiping the dirt from her torn jeans. She looked lovingly down at the rock, her gaze softening as she remembered a distant, wonderful memory.

“I love you,” she whispered to the wind. “I’m going to find my place… With him… But you’ll always be my Nate. My bear. And I’ll always remember how you tripped down a flight of stairs at our wedding because you were too distracted talking to your buddies about the latest baseball game,” she added with a grin. “And even in the afterlife, I’ll keep reminding you of it.”


End file.
